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(originally written & published on January 26, 2012 when my son was 9 years old)
So my son has severe classic non-verbal autism. And because of that my parenting style is probably totally different than if I had a neurotypical kid. (but who knows cuz I don’t).
Anyway, it got be thinking about all the things that I allow my son to do that most NT parents usually tell their kids not to do. Some of these I encourage my son to do because it’s a typical thing that kids do. Some of these I let my son do because I pick & choose my battles. And some I let him do due to the limitations from his disability…
So here they are… no particular order…
1) EATING WITH YOUR HANDS
This is a combination of picking and choosing my battles and adjusting my expectations due to Kyle’s fine motor issues & major eating issues. When your kid doesn’t eat very well to begin with as long as he’s getting it down I don’t care that he uses his hands. This might change in the future, but for now this is a battle not worth fighting.
2) RUNNING IN THE HALLWAY
I always see parents or teachers tell their kids to stop running in the hallway and I think why? 🙂 But seriously the school where Kyle gets his music therapy on Saturdays has a big wide long hallway to his classroom that’s PERFECT for a fast run. So while all the other parents are telling their kids to wait, not run, I’m dragging Kyle by the hand saying “let’s run, let’s run!” I’d just love to see him run somewhere with a sense of purpose instead of his usual meandering around. Plus I like to run. I run marathons (very slowly) and would LOVE to somehow get Kyle involved in the running community.
3) SPLASHING IN THE TUB OR POOL
It’s a right of passage for kids to splash around in the tub. So what if water gets ALL OVER the floor! That’s what towels are for. And the pool?! That’s what pools were meant for… Splashing! Why are all the NT parents discouraging splashing? What am I missing? Did I miss the memo? 🙂 I’m the one dad in the pool who’s splashing water in my son’s face. I must look like a big jerk…
4) EATING BREAKFAST FOR DINNER …OR POPCORN FOR BREAKFAST OR… SPOONFULS OF JELLY FOR LUNCH
Again my kid’s got major eating issues and lost weight a year back so when he’s hungry he gets what he wants and that’s it. Other ASD parents know what I’m talking about. There’s another autism blog called Grape Jelly On Pizza. She knows what I’m talking about. I’ll give my kid a multivitamin to make up for the lack of nutrition.
5) GETTING DIRTY IN THE PLAYGROUND
Every time I take Kyle to the playground I overhear at least one parent say “your getting your pants all dirty!” WTF? This is what playgrounds are for! Getting dirty!
6) WATCHING TV DURING MEALS
Not every meal… but again you gotta pick and choose your battles. If having a show on will get him to eat more then I’m putting a show on.
7) DRINKING COFFEE
What can I say? My kid LOVES coffee! Is it good for him? Probably not. Is it gonna irreparably harm him? Probably not. So when daddy is drinking a cup in Kyle’s vicinity he’s most likely getting half. And if I can use coffee as a reinforcer to get him to eat other things, then that much better. I love coffee…
8) NOT EATING AT THE TABLE
We try to get Mr. Kyle to at least eat dinner at the table, but breakfast is a walking around and grazing meal…
9) JUMPING IN PUDDLES
Back at the playground I hear NT parents yelling “don’t jump in that puddle!” Meanwhile I’m on the other end of the playground trying to TEACH my kid how to jump in a puddle. Jumping in puddles is a right of passage, a part of growing up…
10) TALKING TOO MUCH OR TOO LOUDLY
My kid is completely non-verbal so if and when he decides to start talking he can talk whenever, where ever, and as loud and as long as he wants to… 🙂
Those are my 10, I would love to hear yours?? 🙂
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UPDATED 1/27/12 11:06AM
Based on your comments & feedback I thought of two more!
11) SITTING IN THE CART AT THE SUPERMARKET/STORE
We’ve been pushing him to walk more lately and he’s been doing pretty good…probably partially due to his service dog and partially due to his school going on community trips (store & restaurant) every 2 weeks. But if we need to get in & out of Target quickly or if Kyle is having a bad afternoon I have no problem stuffing my 8 year old into the cart and giving him a bag of popcorn and a book to keep him happy. Recently in Costco we were leaving a popcorn trail throughout the store… 🙂
12) JUMPING ON HIS BED…
I can remember just a few years back when Kyle didn’t know how to jump. And they would work at it in his physical therapy sessions. Now he’s a jumping machine. And we encourage it. He’s got a trampoline in the backyard, a mini trampoline in his play room and he also uses his bed like a trampoline. Now 3-5 more inches and he’ll be hitting the ceiling when he jumps on the bed. But we will allow it until the bed breaks or he hits his head on the ceiling….whichever comes first. 🙂
THE END!
Packing can be difficult. Its become easier with my son as time passes and he grows older, everything he wants seem to fit on his tablet!
My nephew has sensory issues and loves swinging. So, we have a swing set in the backyard a typical thing for children to have. However, we also took his bedroom door off and installed swing/hammock in his doorway. talk about a lifesaver on days when he is not the happiest.
AD, the coffee one made me smile. I don't remember if the King is ADHD or not, but we (I am a SPED teacher) use coffee for our kiddos to help them focus. The caffeine has the opposite effect on them. 🙂
I've got one that's pretty specific, but I suppose can be generalized a bit: "Walk up the slide at the playground." My son just loves doing it. Maybe it's the challenge of navigating the slippery surface as opposed to the boring treads at the other end. Maybe it's the sensory and excitement he gets when he slips a step or two and catches himself. Or maybe because he's gotta do things differently. What I do know is it makes him happy and he loves it. Of course, this free-for-all is usually when the playground is not very crowded, and if there are a lot of other kids trying to use the slide the "right" way, I'll hold him back and make him wait his turn, usually trying to convince him to follow the other kids climbing up and sliding down, which he does enjoy as well. But yeah, I'm the jerk dad letting his kid go in through the out door on a slide. And I'm fine with that. I guess you actually could expand it to other playground activities, for example, swinging with his belly on the seat instead of his butt. How else could he both swing AND play in the dirt simultaneously? Hell, he's happy, I'm happy!
You as his father knows best, you don't need to feel bad or explain why you let him do the things you do. Good job daddy! 🙂
I am a 34 year old Sailor with a 7 year old daughter who is high functioning but has communication issues, and we have learned that you pick your fights and sometimes if you don't force your child to do something just put the idea in their head they might do it on there own. It is not easy being deployed and trying to help my wife but the way i see it if you care for your child, they have food, they have clothes, they are clean, and they go to school and make a little progress here and there you are on the right track. Never judge another parent on how they raise there child, just like leadership styles there are many different ones that will get you the same result it just depends on the person. Thanks for being an inspiration Autism Daddy. Any body wants to e-mail me to chat or trade tips my e-mail is kingjc@ddg98.navy.mil
I stumbled here, from a previous reading and found it very interesting. I, like the great majority of people who have replied before, am a father of an autistic boy. And I have also been critiziced for indulgency.
I ve also, like many of you, angried against ABA educators and generally everyone who told me that my kid needed structure, not self indulgency.
After shedding my fair share of teers while reading this, i cannot come with a propper answer to every question. And most importantly, why is it that we as parents feel (because we do feel it) that letting them be happy every once in a while or once in and hour is the right thing to do.
I figure no one likes to see their kid suffering. And, pal, these kids are world champions of suffering.
Suffer at school with peers, suffer at home, suffer from ultra sensitivity to our world sounds, feels, they suffer our obsessive ruling of everyting, and most of all we do know they will suffer even more ones their parent gardian is gone. For contrary to popular belief, these are very caring, loving people we had hve the priviledge to take care of.
Im sorry if I ve been more confusing than helpful. But for once, wouldnt it be that it is our world (with sin, double morale, too much rules, evil, corruption, lies) that needs to be fixed not so much our children?
I think it is great what you are doing. My son, Kyle, is 11yrs old and has verbal ASD. However even though he is verbal and in a normal classroom setting with interventions he has a hard time communicating his feeling, understanding and reading facial expressions and has NO filter. He was not born with ASD he has had 4strokes since the age of 4yrs old and the signs did not show until the age of 7yrs old as he has a whole in his brain on his linguistic side. Of course doctors are baffled but at what point do you say enough is enough with all the damn test. I mean how much should a child go through before you as a parent says I am done and he is done. Kyle only has a select interest which only contains Legos, history, reading, video games, Pokemon, and nascar/cars. He also loves music and loves to sing. So if he wants to crank up the radio or there is a new set of Legos or book that is out you bet I will get it. I have stopped buying anything else but there is no use it will collect dust. I have even made a family trip to DC because of his interest in history. Is it a obsession…yes…but a heathy one. We have him enrolled in Kempo Martial Arts since he was 7yrs old it has helped him in so many ways including the tantrums…no he still has them…but has less and has learn to come back from them or avoid them on his own. It also helps his leg from the last stroke better than physical therapy did. That is all we can ask for. If he wakes at 3am hungry you bet this Mommy is up making him something and enjoying watching him eat. I have even gone to the store at 3am just to get him what he wants to eat. When a parent has a child with a very small option of what he will eat if he will even eat at all. A child that you have had to hospitalize because he lost so much weight from not eating you will go to any lengths when he says he's hungry. You have to pick your battles it is the only way to stay sane as a parent. Why not join in on their life's take time and live in their world for just a little while. Not only will it help you understand them more but you will appreciate the time you have and YES even have some fun. I have a daughter who is 9 yrs old and not ASD and we are the same with her. We respect and join in on her interest. We love them with all we have.
I would add messy play. If it is sensory I don't care what other parents think…If I find a roll of tape, he can tape anywhere and everywhere. If there is shaving cream or bubbles around, you bet I use that as a positive redirection and calming strategy…my son is 4 and I also let him drink tea. He does like coffee, but tea is more my thing in the morning. I never share my coffee because Its that sacred to me lol. Lastly I will add tools. yepp. screwdrivers, pliers, mallets, wrenches…as long as they are not super sharp and I am supervising him he has a tool collection and I will build on this strength and his love of electronics. he can successfully take a part and put back together with a screw driver our vaccum. No need for a repair man ( I am hoping) by the time he is a teen at this rate.
I let my 3-year-old nonverbal son with autism stand on the coffee table, couch, chair, etc., and jump off 🙂 I think it's somewhat of a release for him…that hard impact.
ADD…. Playing w/ an umbrella INSIDE…. He friggin LOVE to play w/ the Umbrella. Unfortunately, they aren't soo sturdy…but man does my 3 yr old love to sit under an umbrella w/ me on the couch and smile smile smile smile.
Let my 6 year old son watch Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas and listen to Ween all day. My son is a huge sensory craver and whatever it takes to stimulate his senses then so let it be it and allow it! 🙂
WTG, I have a medically 'normal' educationally 'average' 6 year old. I always have a spare set of clothes in the car just in case we end up at a park and she gets a bit dirty, at least if she gets a bit grubby, I know she has had fun, I figure I buy new clothes every season so if a couple of sets don't get passed on it's no real drama, besides that, if kids weren't meant to get dirty, why were washing machines invented? As for splashing in the bath, have you never mopped your bathroom floor? Typically bathrooms are tiled because they are a 'wet area' so let them have a splash. I put my daughter in a shopping trolley, no harm in that, she will read the shopping list to me and organise the stuff into meals for me. I was once told it is against 'workplace health and safety' to allow it, but I figured that it is not HER workplace so she would be covered by a completely different set of legislation. My actions have had me called a very slack parent because I let my daughter live and learn and have taught her to think alternatively, not just accept the majority. I say if you can live with it let it be, kids grow up eventually and mature at their own rate and they aren't going to be kids forever so why force them to grow up? Some parents really need to lighten up and learn to laugh.
Be a picky eater…I've always ran an eat it or starve kind of gal…now I'll make anything at anytime if he wants it…cocoa puffs at four in the afternoon? Sure…ice cream at six in the morning? Why not? I think that spectrum parents ask ourselves "why not?" Where nt parents ask "why?"
I let my kids do all those things. My ASD, son and not girls
I have one for you!! My 12 year old with autism is very loving and if he wants to give me a hug or kiss when in public standing in the check out lane so be it!! Some think it is not acceptable/appropriate at his age but I will never, never, never push my child away and tell him no to a hug or kiss no matter his age!!!
None of my kids have autism and I let them do all except the coffee bit. Most parents I know allow their kids to have fun like this. Unless they strict and I know a few of them.
I'm a Special Education teacher, single mom of two (8 and 14) and neither of my children are on the spectrum. BUT, my oldest is an insulin dependent diabetic that had severe weight gain issues as an infant and through her early school years, and my youngest had a severe wheat allergy. No where near where you are in your life. Or Kyle's. But, I am with you on all of these! My policy as a mom and teacher has ALWAYS been pick your battles. "Make them big enough to matter but small enough to win" I see nothing wrong with jumping in puddles, getting dirty at school, on the playground, at the babysitter, or anywhere else! how else are they supposed to enjoy life? Hell, I get dirty at work! My oldest, due to her weight gain issues, which was her thyroid, was a grazer, and my policy was what she wanted when she wanted. Her dietician backed it up, and same with my youngest. If all they drink is chocolate milk, so be it. At least they get the calcium. I make everything from scratch (thank you diabetes and wheat allergy) so I sneak healthy stuff in when I can. I am ridiculously busy so yeah, we eat in front of the tv. I get the cart thing….I still do it too. I guess what I'm getting at is: do what you gotta do that's best for your boy. And forget everyone else! I love your blog! Keep on keepin on. May he continue to progress, and you two continue to take care of each other and yourselves. God bless!
I AGREE with all of them but not the eating with the hands. My son is also severe non-verbal he also eats with his hands we are trying to stop and make him use his fork since he will use it at school. I figure he is boy and why not just let him be a boy? He will come home from the playground covered in dirt and woodchips from head to toe. I will get looks but I say thank God for Oxi Clean!!! Being a 10 year old boy he does stuff that a n/t boy would do like tease his sister and gross her out especially when she has her girlfriends over and they will end up screaming and yelling his name and he will come out of the room all smiles like my job here is done. Ryan is caring boy he will come up to you and some how know you need a hug and kiss and give you one. He has so much challenges so I figure let him have fun. Katie
PaPa: We care that our little guy is happy and that he gets the opportunity to be all he can. We don't expect or require him to be typical. He isn't. Sometimes he is ahead. Sometimes he isn't going to get it. We adapt. Daily. We are a tight knit family. We are on the same page and he is dearly loved and strongly supported. That's what a child needs. Every child. I don't give a crap about someone who is ignorant and condescending. They just better keep it to themselves. He knows he's different. He tries incredibly hard again and again and he fails often. He doesn't need your judgement. No child does. If you aren't raising this child you don't know what the hell you are talking about. When he melts down he says "Help me" and when he's done he says, "I'm sorry" He doing his best and so are we. If you tell us we need to punish him you are ignorant and hurtful to an innocent child. And yes he eats off my plate, shoves food in my mouth, drinks my diet coke, floods the bathroom during baths, and once in a while he gives the best hug in the whole wide world. We would love for him to be typical and his life easier but we treasure him as is. You can't cure Autism with discipline. If you believe you can for God sake quit the teaching job before you do too much damage. These children are as fragile and valuable as any other child. Our little buddy is a blessing from God don't dare look down you nose at him.
My TEN
1. Time limit on the tablet!
We dont make him have a time limit ALL his games are learning apps keeps him content!
2. eating with silver wear yet my son is on the other side of the scale with hes larger then MOST kids! But still he gets fustrated!
3. potty training!
Its been SUCH A HASSLE meltdowns daily… so he's still 6 and in a diaper. Call me a bad mom, but have you dealt with a child with boy and girl parts NO then dont judge!
4. standing in the movies!
RARELY do we go to the movies but when we do. his daddy sits on one side and I sit on the other.. and we pick the top row so he can go back and forth!
5. fingernail and toe nail cutting
we dont make him do it awake.. we wait till he sleeps.. its to much hassle cries and fots!
6. Hair cuts.. every 4 months sure
we let him go as long as we can.. bc its just hard for the stylist and kadin!
7. no socks!
WHAT you say with shoes! YEP.. if he doesnt want to wear socks to school.. so what..he hates the feeling of it!!
8. Tent time and outings!
Yep we carry a 1 person tent.. which fits kadin and his sister in it. And he hides in it if we go to an outdoor event he cant stand people to see him!
9. WAFFLES EVERYDAY!
Sure.. if he eats breakfast.. why not!!!
10. BOWL FULL OF JELLY
my kid cant have raw fruits.. it doesnt break down in his GI right! So he wants jelly.. yah packed with sugar.. But oh well he gets vitamins!! its better then a bag full of potato chips!
11. FOUR BATHS A DAY!
Sure.. and its sometimes frustrating he gets in till the water stops running then wants out! But it saves a severe meltdown!
12. GOES TO FIRE CALLS WITH DADDY!
his daddy is a volunteer firefighter! Which MOST dads dont take there kids to car wrecks and fire calls. Kadins obsessed. LOVES seeing the fire trucks hearing the sirens (from a safe distance!) We never park where he can see up front how bad if there is injuries!
These are great! However, if you or other parents are going to be enrolling your child in daycare and expecting them to work out in daycare, they are going to have to be able to adapt to that environment. We don't jump on beds, couches, run in the house, throw things in the house etc. at daycare. They still have to survive in other settings, so be careful with how much you 'allow' as it may cause them trouble in daycare or school settings. The other kids then become disruptive and it becomes unmanageable. You can't expect your daycare provider to operate under and allow the same set of rules.
My son sage is 11 and is highly functioning. He just like a leap frog or I call it a Mexican jumping bean. I remember when he was little around 4 he was non verbal and we prayed that he would start to talk. Now he talks all the time. We don't make any excuses for his behaviors, mostly we encourage him to run, jump in puddles, talk all the time. We do try to teach him the socal queues that he does pick up on when trying to interrupt in a conversation. His is our love, nobody thought that he would have made the progress that he has. This year he is going into mainstream 6th grade. Last year, he entered his first science fair. We were so proud of all the work that he did. He will do whatever he wants to do when he gets older because he does not have the boundaries that we do.
I was reading this saying, Yep, yep, yep… and I don't even bother explaining why when we have guests anymore!
All I can say is it sounds like you get your child better than most people get there children without such chalanges. As for jumping on the bed. I work with a woman who has MS and at one point she needed a special bed for her to still be able to get into it at night. I'm sure you could find someone who could make a specially made bed that is jump safe at all ages, ceeling not withstanding that is.
The people bashing are dumb, i have a little boy the age of 3, hes NOT autistic, nor any other disabilities, and i can even agree with lots of these, yes you have to try to teach your children right from wrong, but at the same time, they are ALL just KIDS, so what my son would rather carry a bucket of toads around all day rolling arouns in the yard jumping in and out of his pool, hes just being a KID, and if he wants to use his bed as a trampoline, he knows all he has to do is ask mom to put the matress on the floor,and there are days i cant get him to TOUCH food, so maybe i DO cave in a little too mich those days at giving him what he wants, at least hes finally eating something! And ita funny, because though i let alot of these n more things slide when hes at home, he still does good in school, he listens,and 80% of the time is behaved in public, but just because kids need to be taught right from wrong, doesn't mean we still cant let them be what they are, KIDS.
Autism Daddy have you ever heard of Carolines Cart? http://www.carolinescart.com/
Im by no ways the best dad in the world, and im sitting with tears in my eyes reading your ten things. I watched family of mine with their NT kids. And i know it will never be us. We always end up shouting and Caleb ends up screaming. But after i seen how they are so passive, im trying to adopt a calmer stance with Caleb. And reading your ten things is going to add into my new approach. Thank you so much.
I love this way of parenting and this is my parenting style in a lot of ways… but I also worry (anxiety attack prone) about my child when they start school as other children can be mean… But what makes me worry so much more less now, is that fact that this parenting style has given my child the ability to learn robust social skills, how to have fun, enjoy life, enjoy people and really – I have no fears that they will ever suffer with depression or anxiety or have a stress disorder like I suffer with (I was over-controlled as a child)… because I have given my child the RIGHT to be a child whilst I as the parent give the important life lessons in small doses and my oh my – shock horror… I have a brilliant, happy, confident, wise, smart child on my hand…. hmm I believe we're on to something remarkable here… lets protest against strict, oppressive parenting techniques altogether shall we!!! Because I strongly believe many of the social problems of society today are the result of that – no childhood = serious problems!!! <3 much love and respect to this dad for starting this blog, I feel you!!!
As a new reader of AD and a mom to a 3 year old moderately autistic son, I just wanted to drop by and say thank you for the amazing blog and comments. I feel a lot less alone now – my husband and I have really been feeling like we were the only ones dealing with this stuff. THANK YOU.
Jennifer
Right on love this we choose our battles too living in the autism world
I have a son with ASD, and all kids should be able to do most of the things listed and I have done my share of searching for items of his latest obsessions. However I also agree with Temple Grandin in that her mother enforced rules and manners that she was expected to follow. There are some exceptions and I have to parent totally different for my ASD child, but I am not sure that allowing every desire my son has, ie: video games for hours, eating with hands, allowing limitless perseverating on preferred topics is the best thing for the boy who will become an adult.
My brother is eight with very functioning autism luckily. He is very much a loner at school though because kids are so mean to him and the teachers won't help him so as his adult sister trying to help him form bonds I take him to my fiancee's aunt's house because she has a daughter the same age with adhd and a son two years younger. I love seeing him play and socialize with these kids since he doesn't get this interaction at school and we also use it as a reward for a good school week. This school is a public school and he had been telling on his classmates when they bullied and the teacher had the nerve to tell him he wasn't allowed to tattle anymore and so he defended himself against these kids and got in trouble. The school knows he's autistic and he is very tall for his age and he gets picked on constantly with no help from the teachers which I think I'd completely wrong!!! But this kid loves to eat everything. He just grazes all day he eats more than me! They told us that he won't function more than his level right now so the teachers aren't even trying to teach him anything anymore. We are going to get him into a special school to help him. He has huge dreams as he wants to be an archaeologist or marine biologist but he has no interest in learning topics other than dinosaurs, ocean life, and the occasional astronomy documentary. It's so sad the way public schools react to these kids. They are treating him like he's some dumb kid that will never learn when he is really quite intelligent just about things he's interested in. Another thing we do is allow him to play educational games on his tablet pretty much all day in winters and we don't restrict him from playing in the back yard with the dog and he even can make simple meals on his own.
My 2yo is NT, as am I, to whatever extent that is possible, and I allow her do do most of the things you mentioned. I don't think these suggestions are so much ASD interventions as they are suggestions for raising a balanced child, regardless of any other factors.
This whole thing made me smile. 🙂 I agree with every one of them. I know I've gotten dirty looks when I've encouraged a few of these myself in public, but I don't care!!!
Anonymous of December 26, 2012 at 12:21 PM
it's what you are paid for so just get on with it. you walk away at the end of the day. oooooohhhhhhhhh I am seething at this comment.
You rock! Both of my kids are NT (tho I wonder if we missed something with my 17 y.o.). But I'd let them do most (not all) of these anyway. No child was born to fit a mold – especially an ASD child. Good for you for letting your son be who he is.
yup, those are in my allowed list… LOL, to be honest, everything is allowed for my 3… with the exception of not hurting oneself or someone else… other than that, I let them be kids, I allow them to be free, and basically I just allow them to be… I watch them 24/7 so they are never unattended or alone, so other than that, and that my home is 100% about my kids (2 autism, 1nt)… and we live & breath art, fun & travel… for us we only have 1 life and we are making sure, we are living it… even though I get soooo much crap from family & friends about THEIR ideas of how I should parent… but as I point out… UNLESS & UNTIL they have 3 kids (2 autism (1 severe, 1 moderate) & 1 NT) and they are doing it on their own (because my spouse passed away), then they need to perfect their lives & their parenting skills before they pass judgement or advice… I like to joke that we are heathens… because according to others, who are horrified that i allow my children to just be, they can't believe I am not planning, forcing, scheduling and basically forcing my children to be something they are not… but my kids are happy, good, & they are learning at their own pace… which is all i can ask for…
I agree to the fullest lol my son is turning 5 in july n he has moderate autism n he does just about everything u said lol
Ya'll doing great.. giving him the love and care he needs.. Can't ask for better than that. There are many who isn't even getting love and care.. Kyle (the king) is a very lucky boy!
Hi, Love your Parenting , and don't worry your during it right.. I love that your son has a therapy dog!! that is so great knowing it will help him along the way.. Does your Son play Video games? My son is 12 He didn't talk till he was three and didn't walk till he was 1 1/2 years old.. My son has Pdds which is a part of the autism spectrum and now we have to tested again.. Does your son Hang Bang? I ask this because my son has been head banging since he was 6 months and yet I still have no clue why or answers.. He does it when he sad , mad, upset , or can't express how he feels.. And don't get me start on Bullys .. We are coming to a choice we might have to change my sons school because he so different. ps Just call me KIKI
love em all.. curious what is "NT" stand for? is it safe to assume "normal toddler"? if so i am an "nt" parent 😉 and i find your posts and blogs and page so very inspirational. thank you for taking time from Kyle (whenever that may be) to write and help others in their own walks in life. and as for your list haha i love when my kiddo does em all.. i adjust my home for her. they are only this little once right? right of passages should NEVER be taken away p.s. i must also be a jerk cuz i love to splash my mini me in the face.. and she to me all is fair in love and splash wars <3 thank you again Kyle's dad for all you do for Kyle and for others!!!
Wow this is the great kinds of the different ways to make up and the different sort of the makeover games for the younger girls which the best one.
I have no word just tears, I'm a biggo cry baby. All I could say to you sir is that you are an awesome father and a beautiful person, even tho I don't have the pleasure to know you in person.
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I will love to share my testimony to all the people in this site because i never thought i will have my girlfriend back and she means so much to me..The girl i want to get marry to left me four weeks to our wedding for another man..,When i called her she never picked my calls, She deleted me on her facebook and she changed her facebook status from married to Single…when i went to her to her place of work she never want to see me..I was confuse as a result of this because i cant get myself anymore, my life was upside down and everything did not go smooth with my life…I tried all i could do to have her back to all did not work out until i came across a spiritual man when i was browsing online.. I told him my problem and all have passed through in getting her back…he told me he gonna help me… he said he will cast a spell for me and i will see the results in the next couple of hours… My girlfriend called me at exactly 12:35pm on Thursday and apologies for all she had done ..she said,she never knew what she’s doing and her sudden behavior was not intentional and she promised not to do that again.it was like am dreaming when i heard that from her and when we ended the call,i called the man and told him my wife called and he said i haven’t seen anything yet… My life is back into shape,i have my girlfriend back and we are happily married now with kids and i have my job back too.This man is really powerful..if we have up to 20 people like him in the world,the world would have been a better place..he has also helped many of my friends to solve many problems and they are all happy now..Am posting this to this site for anybody that is interested in meeting the man for help.you can mail him to templesaibaba@yahoo.com hope he helped u out too..good luck
Hello every one i have just met with this priest of the reunitingexspell@gmail.com and i finally find out that he is really a truthful spell caster and so powerful and he is the most powerful spell caster that i have ever met. i wish i have met him before. and my husband have just come back to me and every thing happened just the way he had said it i am so happy that i have met with him and now i have my husband back to my self. if you all that are here have not tried him you just have to do so and get your heart desires fulfilled. stop been doubting i have tested him and i am now a fulfilled woman. REUNITING EX SPELL TEMPLE IS GREAT.THANK YOU FOR THE HAPPINESS YOU BROUGHT ON ME. you can reach him if need be at reunitingexspell@gmail.com Sidney Huster
The spell caster who helped me to get my lover back,(igberasespelltemple@yahoo.com) I looked so surprised,cried out loudly,wiped day and night, have sleepless night sevrally, thinking that i have lost Avila Rudy my lover, my boyfriend,my soul mate,forever after 2years of Relationship, but it all come to me as a dream that i was still able to be with him and he is with me for good, for love, for care,and i am so happy, and i thank the powerful spell caster who helped me out in getting and acheiving these great joy and happiness,Dr Igberase of igberasespelltemple@yahoo.com,indeed Dr you are powerful,although i doubted these at forst stage but you still make it real to me and i am happy today and i say thanks be to you and i promised to always share your good and how powerful you are around the world and in the internet,Dr Igberase is a good and helping spell caster who help to get Ex lover or lost Husband, if you need a spell caster that can help you with your lost lovers Kindly email Dr Igberase on his email.(igberasespelltemple@yahoo.com) thanks so much Dr for your help amd wonderful thing you have done for me,yours Daughter, Alicia Weaver From Alabama Usa
PLEASE JOIN ME AND THANK DR OGIDIGB FOR HIS HELP ON BRINGING BACK MY MAN TO ME.
my name is Lady Ruth's Panrylon i never believe there will ever be a solution to my relationship problem with my lover. my lover called terry panrylon threw me out of his house and brought in another lady who he now feels the only best for him. until one day i receive a phone call from a friend in the city that my man is going out on a date with another woman in town, i told her i am also surprise too, because since Jerry has left me he hardly think nor call me. so after some few days my friend called Martha called me and told me that she has found a man that is very powerful, and he is a great herbalist from Africa, truly we all knows that Africans are blessed with so much herbal voodoo powers which they use to help much people, so he told me that the man name is DR OGIDIGBI, that she will forward his email address for me so that i can contact him for help, so truly she sent me DR OGIDIGBI email address and i contacted him that faithful day. he mailed me after a great while that my man will be back to me if only i believe on his work, so after 25hrs i receive a phone call from Jerry, and he started begging that i should please forgive him against all he had done to me.. he begged me of breaking my heart and letting the other lady a new heart. he promise me never to let go. now i and Jerry are now planning to get married as soon as possible. we are brought back with the great powerful love spell and binded with DR OGIDIGBI spell, we are happy and glad. so i thank you sir for the great help you offer to me, because i think today this might be the only ways and means i can ever thank you of your work.. i am glad. you can contact him for a love spell today at: ogidigbioracletemple@gmail.com thank you sir. Email him on: ogidigbioracletemple@gmail.com
My twins just turned 18 yesterday! They too are "severe" "non verbal"… I have to pick my battles… Things they get to do that I wouldn't let a NT child do – where unmatching crazy out fits (like 8 pairs of compression pants under his jeans and three cat in the hat top hats!) If he doesn't care if people think he looks funny, why should I? Sing as loud as he wants – at first people stop and stare… then they realize … and then they see the joy he is feeling. Growl, roar and other animal sounds… its weird and sometimes scary to young kids but it helps him when he is our NT world. I struggled a lot with how much to I force them to "act normal" and someone said to me that I need to strike a balance where happiness is the middle grown. My boys appear weird to many people, but they are much happier than most NT teenagers! (Robin B exhausted mom of the now adult Timothy and Anthony!)
My daughter, Dawn, is intellectually challenged. She is allowed to go to school at 10 instead of 8:30. She watches cartoons and whistles at cute boys. We giggle together every day about something, anything. During our divorce from her dad, Dawn had a really difficult time. So, she wrote a book and I published it because I am a writer/publisher with DragonFly Press. In her book she shared some of her feelings about how to take care of yourself when adults are acting immature. She is my inner child's best friend and the biggest blessing in my life. Thank you for sharing. Feel free to contact me if you'd like to create a book. It's kinda what I do. http://www.dragon-flypress.com
My son has Aspergers and is in mainstream school and gets excluded regularly. He was excluded this week and whilst visiting my parents on the excluded day, in order to distract and keep my kid calm he was playing on his Ipad. So this was a conversation I had with my Dad (his granddad) Dad "so Brayden's gonna really dislike being excluded when he's allowed to play on his Ipad all day". Me "Dad whilst I understand your position on parenting and discipline it doesn't come from experience of raising an autistic kid. The plan is to keep Brayden calm and contain his anxiety and not punishing him days after the event. So we're going to have to agree to disagree" and my Dad (who has brought up 5 kids of his own and countless grandchildren) simply and calmly said "yes we will". Made me a little sad but wanted to share it with you because I try to remember that when other parents say things like this it comes from a place where they have little or no understanding.
Most of the above! Plus eating his own packed lunch in cafes, it's either that or not eat at all, interesting that we very rarely get challenged about it by staff because I think as he gets older his autism is more obvious (stimming etc). Another one would be dancing and singing wherever he wants to, often in the supermarket 🙂
Wearing shorts in the winter… yeah, I know, many parents will say it irresponsible or that "he'll catch his death" as my mom says… but he doesn't notice the cold. Instead, he gets hot… very hot. So if allowing him to wear shorts to school means that he keeps his clothes on all day (instead of stripping to his underwear because he's hot), then so be it. I do insist on ski pants if we play in the snow/go sledding or at least jogging pants (over shorts, so he can strip down if needed) if we will be outside for long periods of time, but the 10 minute walk to school – which he usually does in 5 minutes because he's running or biking – and the 30 minutes of recess in school where he is again running the whole time isn't going to kill him. In fact – he's never sick. I think he's had 1 cold in his 12 years….
– Renee
I let my son watch YouTube videos on his computer because he almost always chooses educational videos. He amazes me with what he knows that I haven't taught him (I homeschool). And then, suddenly, out of the blue, the stuff I HAVE taught him jumps out and shows itself. He may not know how to express it in a NT style, but I know, and HE knows, it's there. I'm learning that all I have to do is teach it to him once… twice he might tolerate but three is far too much – he knows it and wants something new. Do I care if I have to wash his clothes every day, that people wonder why he's always wearing dirty pants/shirt? His hair is messy because he can't stand to brush it? That he gets up and plays on his computer for an hour in the morning before I'm fully awake? It works. He's learning, He's living. His interestes might be one sided, but he's a genius. I just wish everyone else could see what I see instead of the "bad" behaviours they choose to focus on instead. Sarah
My son, T, 9, sounds so much like your son…SERIOUSLY. I'd love to show you a video…he even makes the same sounds! T is also totally non-verbal, and we do all of your 12 except the one about coffee, T only drinks water….sometimes we lace it with ENO because he gets heartburn. Tell me how I can send you a video link privately of my boy. I'm sure you'd be amused by the similarities! ~ Marni from Winnipeg
I completely agree with you. Pick and choose your battles and some of the things we do, I know that there are other parents thinking "she has lost her mind". I don't care. It makes our son happy and it isn't hurting anyone. He is on the spectrum, mild-moderate and has come SO far since he was diagnosed at age 2 1/2 years old. I also hear you about food. It is hard to get our son to eat anything and sometimes he is OCD about eating the same things, but I don't care. I just need to know…how do you get him to take a multivitamin? Granted, he is 10 and our son just turned 6, but I've tried lots of methods, including a liquid, but that was SO gross tasting and I don't blame him for spitting it out spontaneously. Ha ha! Any tips would be greatly appreciated or a brand that is liquid and doesn't taste so gross. For those who might suggest, gummies are a BIG NO for him. He will only play with them. Chewables are also a no. He spits them out and he can't swallow a pill. Everything we do is done through an oral syringe. I love this topic though and so glad I found your blog. I encourage the hubster to link up to it too!
I can relate completely. I let my girl flap. I let her hop. I let her hum. I don't care that they're stims, they're healthy for her and they're beneficial. I've had other Autism Parents tell me that I should be training her out of stimming so that it doesn't annoy other people or because they were told by a pediatrician that it's not good for their children. That made me so sad. I love my happy, flappy girl. Even when the flappiness is sad or angry. She needs it. She already self-moderates so much at school that when she's home I refuse to hinder her expression.
Jessica
Ha, my Bryceman gets to do the same thing. Im pretty sure he looks forward to those cart rides
My name is Suzanne. My 6yo daughter has HFA and the rules for her are so different from those our older NT daughter had at this age: we let her "come and go" with meals (sitting is hard), climb on our furniture with supervision, get up at restaurants as long as she stays at our table, have the baby and toddler toys that she didn't play with when she was those ages, have a pacifier and mobile at bedtime, talk (ask questions) during movies, sleep beside me…
I don't much worry about "please and thank you" as she struggles with pragmatic language such as greetings, words of affection, etc. If she says hello, I'm ecstatic! When I say "I love you", if she even says "ok", I'm so happy because she does not normally respond.
I always figure that she has to struggle to accommodate the world, so her home accommodates her. Also, I have to choose my battles.
Thanks for this I really needed this today. When you know what works best for you, your child and your family you just need to do it. I struggle with this all the time. My sons big "no no" is eating sugar. He loves it and he food is a comfort thing (as it is for most of my family). He is not "fat" at all and I don't give him all he wants. But he if needs a m&m to get though a shopping trip. Its not worth the guilt.
My 6yo daughter has HFA and the rules for her are so different from those our older NT daughter had at this age: we let her "come and go" with meals (sitting is hard), climb on our furniture with supervision, get up at restaurants as long as she stays at our table, have the baby and toddler toys that she didn't play with when she was those ages, have a pacifier and mobile at bedtime, talk (ask questions) during movies, sleep beside me…
I don't much worry about "please and thank you" as she struggles with pragmatic language such as greetings, words of affection, etc. If she says hello, I'm ecstatic! When I say "I love you", if she even says "ok", I'm so happy because she does not normally respond.
I always figure that she has to struggle to accommodate the world, so her home accommodates her. Also, I have to choose my battles.
My daughter likes to eat standing up, doesn't eat fruits or veggies (texture issues). I have learned to pick my battles more wisely with her.
My name is Megan. My 5 year old son isn't autistic but there is question about ADHD. I have been struggling to get him to stop jumping on the bed. (He usually only does it when we are in a deep conversation about something. Its like his body isn't busy, so he has to make it busy) After telling him to stop after say, oh, I don't know, the hundredth time, I asked him why he doesn't stop jumping on the bed when ive told him to stop so many times. he responds 'Mommy, I cant help it. Sometimes I don't even know Im doing it until Im getting in trouble for it'. Broke.My.Heart. Now Im thinking, 'whats the big deal?' Next time I catch my son jumping on the bed, Im joining in on the fun!!
Your blog is so refreshingly honest that I am beyond obsessed. My name is Kate my son is Preston he is 8 and has Aspergers along with severe sensory issues, ocd, adhd, ptsd just kidding about the last one..but back to my point. I have sheltered my son and myself for fear of people thinking what a horrible mother allowing her child to act that way. But the reality is that is on them, as I read your blog posts I think this man and his wife are so amazing and laid back. I think you are HILARIOUS and you take your sweet King as you call him everyday struggles and make it seem not so hard for him. I'm one of the lucky ones who's child is verbal and I'm sorry you have yet to heart his voice. But your top ten HAS changed my way of thinking and made me realize it's not my son I'm trying to protect its me, and that is just selfish. So thank you I am honored to be able to share in your day to day life. And thank you for opening my eyes and making me see sooner what could have affected him later on! Happy Day Kate
@David Mullens, when you have other children, that gets tricky. I don't think there's any perfect balance, although there is never a lack of self-righteous opinions.I have one son with autism and two NT children. Sometimes I had to correct my son for something the other kids would get in trouble for, if for no other reason than to try to minimize resentment. There were plenty of times he didn't get corrected and the other kids had to understand. You have to be realistic about what you can expect your child to understand, and also realistic about what you are able to humanly do while keeping up with the other extras that parents without autism in the house can't fathom (rituals, cleanups, extended meltdowns with a non-verbal child).
I have to say that I can agree with many of your points. I have a 10 year old non verbal autistic son, he is not potty trained and has a very limited diet because of his sensory problems. If he wants to eat with his hands, I don't complain because then he WON'T eat. So what if there's more cleanup? I'd rather clean than let my son starve. Yes, he runs in the hall and jumps on the bed when I am telling my daughters (non autistic) not to do those same things because they've been hurt doing each of those activities, but I can get my son to finally run and jump when he wouldn't a few years ago. He watches too much TV, plays on his iPad too much, but it's better that he's doing those something other than throwing fits because he's bored and doesn't want to interact with anything else going on in the house. He's calm, happy, and will bring the iPad to me when he sees something he likes and will ask me to "help" with playing a game because he can't quite understand it. 2 years ago, he would have just thrown total meltdown and I would have had no idea what the problem was. He's communicating better with it, he has he's Go Talk Now program and we've learned basic sign language with it. Life is certainly more calm and happy than before we engaged in these activities. When he wants to play, he will and I strongly encourage it. When he wants to be left alone to work with the iPad, even better. He has educational games on there that he plays on his own. Without them, he may not be able to read or complete the work at school. And, as has been addressed, we pick our battles. Sometimes it's easier to let him do what he feels like instead of making him do something that just clearly agitates him. Life is so much calmer and peaceful when we don't fight it.
I am so glad to have happened on this site, doesn't make me feel so alone and guilty for doing some of the things that other parents have had to allow.
~Jennifer
I never believed in Love Spells or Magics until I met this special spell caster when i contact this man called hinduspelltemple@yahoo.com Execute some business..He is really powerful..My Husband divorce me with no reason for almost 4 years and i tried all i could to have her back cos i really love him so much but all my effort did not work out.. we met at our early age at the college and we both have feelings for each other and we got married happily for 5 years with no kid and he woke up one morning and he told me hes going on a divorce..i thought it was a joke and when he came back from work he tender to me a divorce letter and he packed all his loads from my house..i ran mad and i tried all i could to have him back but all did not work out..i was lonely for almost 4 years So when i told the spell caster what happened he said he will help me and he asked for her full name and his picture..i gave him that..At first i was skeptical but i gave it a try cos have tried so many spell casters and there is no solutionso when he finished with the readings,he got back to me that hes with a woman and that woman is the reason why he left meThe spell caster said he will help me with a spell that will surely bring him back.but i never believe all thishe told me i will see a positive result within 24 hours of the day..24hours later,he called me himself and came to me apologizing and he told me he will come back to me..I cant believe this,it was like a dream cos i never believe this will work out after trying many spell casters and there is no solution..The spell caster is so powerful and after that he helped me with a pregnancy spell and i got pregnant a month later and find a better job..we are now happy been together again and with lovely kid..This spell caster has really changed my life and i will forever thankful to him..he has helped many friends too with similar problem too and they are happy and thankful to him..This man is indeed the most powerful spell caster have ever experienced in life..Am Posting this to the Forum in case there is anyone who has similar problem and still looking for a way out..you can reach him here:hinduspelltemple@gmail.com CONTACT THIS GREAT AND POWERFUL SPELL CASTER CALLED DR SHIVA… HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS :hinduspelltemple@yahoo.com CONTACT HIM NOW AND BE FAST ABOUT IT SO HE CAN ALSO ATTEND TO YOU BECAUSE THE EARLIER YOU CONTACT HIM NOW THE BETTER FOR YOU TO GET QUICK SOLUTION TO ALL YOUR PROBLEMS or visIt his website at http://hinduspelltempleofsolut ion.webs.com
all i can say is you rock dude i totally agree with you. you rock for a dad from superdaddy87
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I don't know anything about magic or how he does it, but ekakaspelltemple@yahoo.com is on the top of my personal list of "go-to people" when I find myself in a quandary or a disappointment regarding my love life. That is the most important part of life, in my opinion, and I was really going through a tough time with my husband of 5 years. It was really rough-going for several years before I finally got the kind of help I needed. I never would have thought I would have gone to a necromancer, but Ekaka is more than just about "spells": He is a caring, deeply evolved human being with great sensitivity, and if it were not for him, I am totally certain my husband and I would be each other's "ex" on this very day. I love Dr Ekaka!
Heidi-
I too have a classic severe nonverbal autistic child. I love him to pieces! I also have 2 other "normal" children. But what is normal anyway? One of my 'normal' children have ADHD and I'm sure the other is not far behind. But as for my 3yo ASD? I let him do pretty much whatever he likes. Do I let my other children? No. Am I setting a bad example? Probably. So why do I do it? Well it's really simple. My other kids are crazy smart (they get it from their mum lol), they understand he's different, so they get my logic. My boy lacks muscle tone in his upper body and his motor skills are completely out of whack. So he wants to climb on a couch and jump off? I'll throw a cushion down before he lands. So he climbs on the kitchen counter? He also knows how to safely get down. His therapists say he needs to climb so I let him. I figure eventually the novelty will wear off and it will be something new for him to do. The amount of parents that walk into my house and yell and scream at him to get down make me laugh. I have gone beyond the stress of seeing him do what typical kids aren't supposed to do. He barely understands a word we say, so the yelling and screaming make him want to do it more.
He too is a damn picky eater, he also has a medical issue that prevents him from eating certain foods. So if he wants popcorn for dinner? Meh! I'll give him a bowl and watch him devour it faster than the cookie monster can eat a cookie! So what if I have to vacuum up after? It takes me 2minutes and he's eaten something, I too will just crush him up a multivitamin and slip it in some milk!
We try to follow all of the rules for Nick that we do any other child for the most part. He has a younger typically developing brother.
I had a mother at swim lessons once complain to me that he was splashing and upsetting her daughter. I just nicely said sorry, he is autistic and he is in a pool. She seemed annoyed, but the next class her daughter came with goggles on.
Nick often sits in the cart, and baby brother (2) walks. Nick is tiny because of his eating issues, so him and his brother are about the same size, but Nick is weak and often we can't get through a store without dragging him or several meltdowns or him wandering, so the cart is just better for him. Target is actually the last place we went that he ended up in a cart.
Both kids jump on the bed all the time.
I try not to let Nick play in the sand at the play ground because he stimms on it. When he stimms on something like that for too long he is near impossible to get to leave and he gets violent after. If he were typical I would let him.
We do ask that he have food in the kitchen or dining room, but I don't really go beyond that requirement.
He doesn't wear pj's to bed or have much of a routine. When we tried a routine he caught on and melted down at the first recognition of a routine. I have found it best to just let him be and get the house dark and quiet and tell him to play in his room and at some point he will sleep. He doesn't sleep much at all.
i almost took my life because of my ex who left me and stop picking my calls. He said do not trust me anymore, I tried to convince him, but he will not believe me until we had a fight and broke up for 10months, after then I realize I can not live without him because of the love I have for him. I tried everything possible to get him back, but non worked for me, some fake spell casters scammed me and went away with my money until I came across this man called dr. malawi, he cast a spell for me and behold my ex came back after 5 hours , begging me for forgiveness, I was so surprised that spell caster like dr. malawi still exist. If anyone here needs some help, with all sincerity, contact dr.malawi via his email:spellofsolutiontemple@gmail.com
Greetings to every one that is reading this testimony.My wife breakup with me 4mounths ago after 4years of marriage just because she met another man in her working place and she left me and the kid. one day when i was reading through the web for help, i saw a post on how this spell caster Dr Obom on how him can bring people ex lover back to them his email address was homeofsolutions1@gmail.com i need my wife back more then anything in this life so i use Dr Obom to get my wife back from the wicked man who took her away from me and after 2days my wife come back to me.I believed him and today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the power to bring lovers back. because i am now happy with my wife Thanks for Dr Obom His email is homeofsolutions1@gmail.com again thanks for your help
i will like to share my testimony to you all.i just got married to my husband about a year ago we start having problems at home like we stop sleeping on the same bed,fighting about little things he always comes home late at night,drinking too much and sleeping with other women out side.i have never love any man in my life except him.he is the father of my children and i don't want to loose him because we have worked so hard together to become what we are and have today.few month ago he now decided to live me and the kid,being a single mother can be hard sometimes and so i have nobody to turn to and i was heart broken.i called my mom and explain every thing to her,my mother told me about Dr Jatto how he helped her solve the problem between her and my dad i was surprise about it because they have been without each other for three and a half years and it was like a miracle how they came back to each other.i was directed to Dr Jatto and explain everything to him,so he promise me not to worry that he will cast a spell and make things come back to how we where so much in love again and that it was another female spirit that was controlling my husband.he told me that my problem will be solved within two days if i believe i said OK.So he cast a spell for me and after two days my love came back asking me to forgive him.i Am so happy now. so that why i decided to share my experience with every body that have such problem contact him email. drjattosplltemple@gmail.com
narol denison
MY HUSBAND BROKE UP 2 YEARS AGO BECAUSE I WAS NOT ABLE TO GIVE HIM A CHILD, I MISSED HIM SO MUCH. SO I DECIDED TO CONTACT (drlawrencespelltemple@hotmail.com) HE TOLD ME HE CAN HELP AND FOR ME TO SIT BACK, SO I DID THINKING THAT YEAH RIGHT THIS GUY WOULD NEVER CONTACT ME 4 DAYS LATER GUESS WHO CALLED ? YUP IT WAS HIM ALL I HAVE TO SAY IS THAT I THANK YOU DR.LAWRENCE FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART..if you have similar problem with me contact the great Spell caster Dr.Lawrence (drlawrencespelltemple@hotmail.com
My boyfriend left me a month ago and he was leaving with another woman who is 10 years older than him,i feel like my life is completely over. I read over the internet how a spell caster have help several people to get there love back. I have been dipresed for the past one month and what i need is to get him back and live with me so i decided to give it a try so i contacted the spell caster called Dr Kasee and explain my problems to him and he cast a spell for me which i use to get my boyfriend back and now my life is complete and i am throughly greatful to this man,his contact email is onimalovespell@yahoo.com Thank you very much and i am extremely greatful onimalovespell@yahoo.com
Jumping on the bed… My daughter jumped on the bed til it broke. Now she jumps on a mattress on the floor… sometimes she jumps from her big sister's bed to the mattress on the floor (it's possible my girl can fly…). She jumps on the sofa and chairs. She jumps on the mini tramp. She climbs the wall, jumps down, and climbs up again. If it makes her happy, and she doesn't hurt herself, she can jump all she likes. I'm just glad she gets her exercise. I have no problem with her entire world being her playground. I'll join her in it, because if I do it to, sometimes she looks me in the face and smiles. and that is everything.
Hi, i am basil jenny from uk. Here is my amazing testimony about dr emua. After 9 years in marriage with my lovely wedded husband Steven, he divorced me and got separated from me and my kids, and left home to another lady. I did all i could to get him back, but they all proved abortive. Until one faithful day, an old friend of mine jane, who work at the same company with me, told me about a great spell caster on the Internet who helped her in a similar issue and also with financial problems too. At first, i doubted it, but I decided to give it a try. When i contacted him, he helped me cast a powerful binding lovers spell, and within 48 hours, my ex husband came back, pleading and apologizing to me, that he is so sorry for hurting me and my kids, and I forgive him. Today, we are so happy together, with abundant love, joy, happiness and riches. With our 3 kids, a boy and two girls. You too can contact this great and amazing spell caster today, on any problems you having now, via his private email: dremuahelphome@outlook.com or dremuahelphome@gmail.com.
Thank you so much great one, I won't forget your good works on my family.
Me and my boyfriend were seriously in love for six years and we were planning to get married but one day he came to my house and told me he was no longer interested in our relationship simply because he was dating another rich lady who promise to buy him a car and to sponsor their wedding. And i suffer heartbreak for seven months and i was not tired of loving him.so i take a bold step by contacting a spell caster who help me bring my ex boyfriend back. he is powerful and great his contact is Kumalovespell@gmail.com you can also contact him for help
I have a mixed bag of NT and ASD children (5 total), so we're pretty free-wheeling with regard to Other People's Expectations ™. Almost all of your items are things we let our children do, depending on context. Since I like to jump on beds, jump in puddles and have breakfast for dinner (actually, dinner for breakfast in my case), I just can't see the value in giving my children a rough time about it.
Hello everybody,i want to thank dr malawi the spell caster who helped me when i had problem in my relationship, he did a love spell that make my divorce husband to come back to me. if you need a right place to solve your problems is the right choice to get contact with,he is a great man that have been casting spells with years of experience. he cast spells for different purposes like .
(1) If you want your ex back.
(2) if you always have bad dreams.
(3) You want to be promoted in your office.
(4) You want women/men to run after you.
(5) If you want a child.
(6) You want to be rich.
(7) You want to tie your husband/wife to be
yours forever.
(8) If you need financial assistance.
(9) Herbal care
Contact him today on: (spellofsolutiontemple@gmail.com)
THE GREAT POWERFUL SPELL CASTER THAT BRING BACK MY EX HUSBAND. I just want to say appreciate you DR NICE OKSE for all you have done for me. He is back now. That very powerful spell caster STOP THE DIVORCE – and get my ex husband back. I am EUNICE , from USA. I never believed in love spells or magic until i met this spell caster once when i went for a business summit November last year in Africa. I meant a man who's name is DR NICE OKSE he is really powerful and could help cast spells to bring back one's gone, lost, misbehaving lover and magic money spell or spell for a good job or luck spell .I’m now happy & a living testimony because the man i had wanted to marry left me 3 weeks before our wedding and my life was upside down because our relationship has been on for 3years. I really loved him, but his mother was against us and he had no good paying job. So when i met this spell caster, i told him what happened and explained the situation of things to him. At first i was undecided, skeptical and doubtful, but i just gave it a try. And in 7 days when i returned to USA, my husband called me by himself and came to me apologizing that everything had been settled with his mother and family and he got a new job interview so we should get married. I didn't believe it cos the spell caster only asked for my name and my Husband name and all i wanted him to do. Well we are happily married now and we are expecting our little kid, and my husband also got the new job and our lives became much better.in case you are in any situation you can contact DR NICE OKSE at his email professionallovespell@hotmail.com or his personal cell +2348153618701.
Jumping is a great proprioceptive activity that not only promotes exercise but hones in fine motor skills. If your kiddo has any ADHD tendencies, coffee is actually pretty good for him and more natural than drugs. 1 8-o. cup of coffee= 5 mg. Ritalin just sayin' 🙂
I loved reading this as a NT parent…. I'm going to let my kids be kids!!!!
THANK YOU!
~Jenn
I like some things on this list. Emphasis on some. My 3 year old brother is autistic (it's not that severe but it's severe enough to the point where its noticeable to strangers) and I have just one thing to say:If you are able to, and if you are willing to put in the work, teach your autistic child some boundaries. I'm not saying to completely mold them into society's BS image of what a kid should be, but teach them behavior that will be socially acceptable in public places. For example, you say that he likes running in the halls. Take him outside to run. In a field, at a park, where it's ok to do so. Teach him that running indoors is not ok. If he's looking for input, buy him a traveling trampoline. We have ours always at the ready in our trunk.
Most autistic kids learn by repetition. When your kid is doing everything he so pleases, and whem those things may be detrimental to his health and safety or to the health and safety of others, then they will continue to do those things for years to come. And then where will they be when you're dead and gone? I know this may be harsh, but it's true. My broter is completely happy by the way (for the "I feel so sorry for your brother" people).
– Pan
nice post yes i am agreed with you.because the restriction is not the good way for children. because the children can learn better when they are freely working and playing.
I know its an old thread but like most parents with kids with ASD (I have two). We end up having to "teach" them to do "normal" stuff like splashing. My kids are four and five and even though our neighbors give me the "look" for letting them walk through each and every puddle on our way home, they do not see the eye contact or delight in my kids eyes nor do they know how much of a struggle it was to learn these skills. I simply ignore them, to each of us our own. And to the educator (who I hope has learnt) the reason why you have so many tantrums in your classroom is because you are trying to control them excessively. I hope you have learnt that these kids build trust first and then you can direct them. Control (good luck with that) will get you nowhere.
To autism daddy, keep doing what you do. I started this journey with the older kid two years ago but it feels like a lifetime. I did the structure thing for a few years and ever since i took a more laid back approach, my kids have blossomed and I am not as frustrated either. Kudos to you for being truthful. BJ
Chocolate Milk and Hot Dogs! Morning, noon, and night some days. Thank you for sharing. It means so much.
I am a 43 yr old Aspie and I was BLESSED with a "autism daddy" of my own. He's transitioned now, but I would NEVER have made it this far without his tolerance and guidance. He took a lot of HEAT for "spoiling", "giving in" ect. I know that I am very lucky and extremely grateful. My list looks/looked like this.
1. He listened while I rambled on and on for hours or days about my latest obsession.
2. I ate /eat with my hands whenever possible. He was beyond thrilled that I ate ANYTHING. (I was a pizza/peach gummy kid). I still eat limited stuff but the list has grown. (right now it's oranges and Italian bakery bread) He often joined in and ate with his hands right beside me.
2. I splashed and danced in the rain.He spent a lot of time in soggy shoes.
3. I speak my own language. I have my own words for things. He didn't correct me, he learned MY language.
4. I love to draw and paint (helps motor skills.) He chalkboard painted my bedroom walls(3 1/2 feet up).
5. I am a person who has/had a had time sleeping. He slept whenever I could. (bring on the ROCKSTAR)
I could go on and on. Since I am verbal, I will be brazen enough to speak for ALL of us for a moment. " THANK YOU to ALL who HAVE SACRIFICED SO VERY MUCH. " We LOVE you all and do appreciate ALL that you do for us. Franquelyne Low
Love this post…seriously. I read all of them on Facebook but often just like it and not reply. I'm sure you get more than enough of them 🙂
I let my ASD child do all of those too….he's 14 and almost as tall as me,(I'm 5'11" and he's 5'5") and has no problem with talking ANYONE'S ear off. He started talking at 5, and we certainly encourage him to explore his language skills…but I get alot of comments about manners and his eating habits. He is a perpetual hands on kid when it comes to food. He has only in the last couple of years started exploring food options and yep, I agree that if he's FINALLY going to eat something, I don't care if he eats it with his fingers, his toes or a friggin straw, at least he is eating!
Keep up the blog, because I find your words to be encouraging and usually funny as hell. Sometimes, coming over here and reading your blog is the one thing that gets me thru the day when my young king is driving me up the wall 🙂
Kelly
A little leery, I admit, of you saying you "drag" your child through the halls or "try to teach" him to jump in puddles. Those don't strike me as "letting" him do something; you're trying to compel him to do something, and the fact that it's the opposite of what most parents might compel doesn't negate that. Maybe he'd rather take his time through a hall so he can look at everything (that's certainly the way I am!) and maybe there's a reason he doesn't want to jump in puddles, or (again like me) he doesn't see the point of it. Now, maybe your language is just off and he actually loves doing these things. But if he doesn't, letting him *not* do things is, as you seem to realize, also part of parenting an Autistic child.
I let my boys eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for lunch and dinner, every day. Turns out, if I put chicken or turkey in the middle, they'll eat meat!
We walk to school every day. There are these ramps that go up to the apartment complexes up and down the street. I encourage them to go up the ramps and then down the stairs. Two years ago, neither of my boys could run without falling, much less go down stairs. I figure, they aren't harming anyone, they are having fun and by golly I love they can actually run and walk down the stairs. We even practice responding to their names on the way to school. I let them run ahead and then call their names in a gentle tone. If they respond, they get high fives and stickers. We can only do that when there aren't any other walkers, but they love it. Plus, my youngest has actually started responding to his name!!!
I totally have let my son Ryan do 11 out of the 12. He doesn't like coffee, and he is way to big to jump on his bed anymore. He's broken 3 beds in out house….lol!
Thank you. I just wanted to know where to ship it since I know now to keep producing it
Buffet Lunch in Chennai
My name is Sandra from Switzerland; I want to personally thank a great spell caster (Dr. Stanley) that helps me to bring back my lover in just three days. It was like dream in my eyes when i see my man comes back to me with the help of Dr. Stanley the great spell caster. I want to use the opportunity to tell the people on this site that Dr. Stanley is a good man and very kind person being sent by God. So if you are in any relationship problem Dr. Stanley is available to help you he did mine so he can do yours no matter what the problem is Dr. Stanley is capable to restore your lost love back to you. Here is his contact e-mail: drstanleyspelltemple@hotmail.com or call +2348038139297.
ABSOLUTELY love your blog. I stumbled across is on facebook and started following then. I have read a lot of your posts but this one by far has to be my favorite. I was always told as a kid "Choose your battles wisely" and now that I have a 3 year old (non-verbal ASD possible ADHD with a whole slew of sensory issues) I completely understand. And for those who say we are "letting our kids get away with too much" they obviously have never been on the receiving end of a full blow tantrum. My son is almost 45 lbs at 3 and can beat me in a strong man competition any day! I also have a 5 year old daughter who it "typical" and she knows the drill. We dont jump on beds, but my son hasnt learned to jump yet so that may all change. It's encouraging (being new to all this) to read that just because my kids the one you hear screaming from the other side of costco doesn't always mean he's upset or angry. He could be having the time of his life, and you know what, cover your ears because I'M COMPLETELY OKAY WITH IT! Any sound out of his mouth is music to my ears!! So thank you again for your blog!! It means a lot to me and is good for a laugh or two as well!!
My son is 14 and used to hit out of frustration. So I sympathize with both the parents and the teachers here. I found that it was because things that were beyond his capacity to do were being expected of him. We just all stopped leaning on him so hard and over time it stopped. It is a question of understanding and accepting the child's limits and then backing off when the limits have been reached. My feeling is that it made him feel like he was inadequate the way he was and we were all trying too hard to push skills on him that were above him. He would even yell when someone said "David" like he know he was going to get pushed into something that he could barely do. This is the problem with a lot of intensive training. We dropped the ABA approach after a while and went with more natural parenting skills like logical consquences. For example, if you yell in church we have to leave. We left a lot of services, but he got the message and kept quiet because he really enjoyed being there.
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i am hear to give testimony of how i got back my husband, we got married for more than 2 years and have gotten two kids. thing were going well with us and we are always happy. until one day my husband started to behave in a way i could not understand, i was very confused by the way he treat me and the kids. later that month he did not come again and he called me that he want a divorce, I asked him what have i done wrong to deserve this from him, all he was saying that he want a divorce and that he hates me and do not want to see me again in his life, i was mad and also frustrated do not know what to do,i was sick for more than 2 weeks because of the divorce. i love him so much he was everything to me without him my life is incomplete. i told my sister and she told me to contact a spell caster, i never believe in all this spell casting of a thing. i just
want to try if something will come out of it. I contacted DR. omoba for the return of my husband to me, they told me that my husband have been taken by another woman that she cast a spell on him that is why he hates me and also want us to divorce. then they told me that they have to cast a spell on him that will make him return to me and the kids, they cast the spell and after 3 days my husband called me
and he told me that i should forgive him, he settled to apologize on phone and said that he still love me that he did not know what happen to him that he left me. it was the spell that the Dr omoba shrine casted on him that made him comeback to me today,me and my family are now happy again today. thank you DR. omoba for what you have done for me i would have been nothing today if not for your great spell. i want
you my friends who are passing through this kind of love problem of getting back their husband, wife , or ex boyfriend and girlfriend to contact dromobaspellhome@gmail.com and you will see that your problem will be solved.
I am very happy, I wish to share my testimonies with the general public about what this man called Dr Adodo has just done for me , this man has just brought back my lost Ex husband to me with his great spell, i was married to this man called Steven we were together for a long time and we loved our self's but when i was unable to give he a child for 2 years he left me and told me he can't continue anymore then i was now looking for ways to get him back until a friend of mine told me about this man and gave his contact email (dradodojattotemple@yahoo.com) then you won't believe this when i contacted this man on my problems he prepared this spell cast and bring my lost husband back, and after a month i miss my month and go for a test and the result stated am pregnant am happy today am a mother of a baby girl, thank you once again the great Dr Adodo for what you have done for me, if you are out there passing through this same kind of problems you can contact he today on his mail ( dradodojattotemple@yahoo.com) and he will also help you as well.
THE GREAT POWERFUL SPELL CASTER THAT BRING BACK MY EX HUSBAND. I just want to say appreciate you DR NICE OKSE for all you have done for me. He is back now. That very powerful spell caster STOP THE DIVORCE – and get my ex husband back. I am EUNICE , from USA. I never believed in love spells or magic until i met this spell caster once when i went for a business summit November last year in Africa. I meant a man who's name is DR NICE OKSE he is really powerful and could help cast spells to bring back one's gone, lost, misbehaving lover and magic money spell or spell for a good job or luck spell .I’m now happy & a living testimony because the man i had wanted to marry left me 3 weeks before our wedding and my life was upside down because our relationship has been on for 3years. I really loved him, but his mother was against us and he had no good paying job. So when i met this spell caster, i told him what happened and explained the situation of things to him. At first i was undecided, skeptical and doubtful, but i just gave it a try. And in 7 days when i returned to USA, my husband called me by himself and came to me apologizing that everything had been settled with his mother and family and he got a new job interview so we should get married. I didn't believe it cos the spell caster only asked for my name and my Husband name and all i wanted him to do. Well we are happily married now and we are expecting our little kid, and my husband also got the new job and our lives became much better.in case you are in any situation you can contact DR NICE OKSE at his email professionallovespell@hotmail.com or his personal cell +2348153618701.
I am Aneesa by name from Australia, i have used every single spell worker on the internet, spent untold amounts of money and discovered they are all fakes…i was the fool though; doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. In the end, I decided that I wanted a tarot reading to know what my future held for me; I contacted a woman who lives locally to me and she told me about a man named (Priests Abija); he does not advertise on the Internet, has another job for income, has no set prices, makes no false promises and refuses to help anyone that cannot be helped and even helps
for free sometimes, he will give you proof before taking money. He is a wonderful man and he was the only person who actually gave me real results. I really hope he doesn't mind me advertising his contact on the Internet but I'm sure any help/ extra work will benefit him.here his via email address (profectwilliamspiritualtemple@gmail.com) He travel sometimes.i cant give out his number cos he told me he don’t want to be disturbed by many people across the world..he said his email is okay and he’ will replied to any emails asap,love marriage,finance, job promotion ,lottery Voodoo,poker voodoo,golf Voodoo,Law & Court case Spells,money voodoo,weigh loss voodoo,any sicknesses voodoo,Trouble in marriage,HIV AIDS,it's all he does Hope this helps everyone that is in a desperate situation as I once was; I know how it feels to hold onto something and never have a chance to move on because of the false promises and then to feel trapped in wanting something
more.
playing in the middle of the night! If it takes his stress away yes the lights go on and we play lining trains, looking at books whatever it takes to calm him down!
I'm not going to say that any of your parenting styles is right or wrong. Ya gotta do what works, and I totally get that. I've gotten great with simply going with what works. But as a person who works daily with autistic adults, out in the community and such, its downright scary when they do have behavioral issues because of things that are allowed in the home.
Just earlier this week I had one of my regular guys I work with beat the tar out of me. One second he was fine and happy,and the next I was his personal punching bag.And there was absolutely nothing done about it because he's autistic. I can't do anything cause I'm "just staff".
He's fairly high functioning though,and autism or not, he was fully aware that what he was doing was wrong. There has to be some stopping point,ya know? Not just for the safety of staff,but for the safety of your child (whether they be young or an adult). I know that had someone else attempt to get involved, or to pull him away, they could've gotten seriously hurt by him.
Just trying to share a different point of view. Not looking to argue with anyone. I know that parenting a child with special needs is by no means an easy task, so props to all of you!
Oh I love this. I wish more people could understand it. If I could slap people who think it's a discipline problem and I'm not being strict enough with my 4 year old autistic daughter, I'd have lost my hand (be really happy) by now. People just don't get it, but they need to keep that crap to themselves. I let my daughter "talk back" and "throw a fit" over not getting what she wants, because I remember not too long ago when she couldn't express herself verbally and just hit the ground, hit her self, hit other people. If she takes a bossy tone with me and demands her milk?! I want to cry I'm that damn proud of her! Of course it's not ideal and we work on it, but I'm so proud of how far she's come and I won't discourage ANY type of verbal communication.
my name is Anna I want to thank DR. okogun for what he has done for me in my life, After my lover left me without notice i was so frustrated and confused i never knew what to do until i told my friend, After she told me the great deeds of DR.okogun on how people talk good about him on radio stations and internet so she gave me the contact. I email okogunspelltemple@gmail.com and told him how my lover left me for over 3years,He told me just to be happy that i will have him back to my arms that's its only a matter of time,i was like is this real mean while i had fate in DR okogun that he would bring back my lover,amazingly to my surprise after 3days i got a call from my husband who has left me for over 3years begging me for forgiveness,Which i did,And now we are together and he love’s me more than anything on this earth. Please you can contact him for help on this email address; okogunspelltempl@gmail.com if you are out there passing through any of this problems listed below:
MY NAME IS ELISABETH FROM UNITED KINGDOM.
i want to use this golden opportunity to announce to the entire world, how happy and grateful i am today, shearing this testimony to the whole world. because of the full commitment with my ex after the casting of a spell by DR RAMAN that bring back my ex husband. it all happen after given birth to my first child, i found out that there was problem in my family because of the unusual behavior of my husband which lead to our break up, i tried all i could to bring him back, but all my effort was just a wast of time, the more i try the more things get worst, even when he hard the cry of my baby through phone call, all he could tell me was, *go to hail with the baby*, things went worst than i could Eva imagine in my life, all i was thinking about is how my child will feel when he found out that he grow up without a father, i was so worn out and confuse about life. the most painful thing was the fat that i love my husband so much to the extent that i could not concentrate in anything am doing. after five years of break up, i meet an old time friend, she was my course mate in the university, way back than, she ask me about my husband because she also attended my wedding ceremony, i was crying, then she notice that things went wrong, i told her every thing, she took me to this great DR called RAMAN,when we get there he told me not to worry that if i will let him handle the work that my husband will come back in 48hours, i thought it was a joke because have try three other spell caster nothing came out of it, so my friend told me to let him handle it, then i give him a chance, surprisingly the next 48hours i hard a knock on my door, then i opened, guess who i saw? i say the love of my live, he came with a powerful CAR, and some amount of money just to apologize to me, then i accepted. today we have three children and nothing will break us up again. if you need this DR RAMAN email him on ramansolutiontemple@gmail.com he is the best spell caster. thank you DR RAMAN, once again his email is ramansolutiontemple@gmail.com
i want to thanks DR, OKPOKO. for the good work he don in my life over 9years now i married. but no child because of that my husband was planing to married another woman. and i don’t no what to do i was going to one place to another i contact so many spell casters and pastors steel yet no solution especially all the spell caster i contact they scam me and take all my money. so i was confuse. later on friend of my told me about DR, OKPOKO. i contact him and told him about my problems.he told me not to worry that my problem is a spiritual problems that he will help. me later on he told me what to do i respond to all he said after that he told me to come to his village called urohi village and i went there and see things by my self he told me that it was a woman from my husband familly that block my womb that he has solve my problems that he only give me a year to come and visit him with a boy and girl i never believe. but rite now all he said come to pass after 9moths plus i delivered twins boy and girl wen it was a year plus me and my lovely husband and my two kids will went to the urohi village and visit him and he blessed us.me and my lovely husband are so happy. i don’t no how to thank DR, OKPOKO. for his great work he has don in my family am very great full. he is a great man and so truth full if you have any problem just try email him. DR.OKPOKOSPELLHOME@GMAIL.COM
Ok, I have a 10 year old nephew with autism. He CONSTANTLY hits, attacks my 4 year old daughter. Every time I TRY and talk to his mother and father about it, they get offended and end up going off on me. What should I do??? This is a case where he is allowed to do whatever he wants and know no boundaries. I don't want to be rude, and I don't want to offend anyone, but I'm concerned about my daughter.
I can tell you that after reading these, I really need to relax. We have four kids and three are on the spectrum……we are having the fourth tested soon. I get so frustrated but should totally let go. You are all awesome.
Spot On! <3
Love all the comments. Would love to have my son-in-law follow this, but not certain how to advise him how he can follow it. I know he would learn a world of good things.
Yea protest the nanny state! Im an autistic girl and I cant even stim in the hallways due to fricken safety paronoad america!
to the poster "AnonymousDecember 26, 2012 at 12:21 PM" who teaches/works with autistic kids:
I got up until the point where you said that these kids "need to learn socially excepted behavior" and decided that anyone who cannot differentiate between accepted and excepted does not have an opinion worth listening to, and definitely should not have the privilege of teaching children.
-Sam
I agree.I am so happy when my 7 year old daughter with autism learns how to say no because this is something at one point in her life I thought she would never understand and be able to say .So I will enjoy that for a while and then teach her when and who she can not say no to.ciara va
I had to add a comment… my 6 year old son is autistic and here are some things I let him do that other parents may hate…
1. I'm a briber. If you put on your seatbelt Mommy will give you a starburst. God how I love starburst.
2. I encourage him to sit in the cart. If he gets out I end up chasing him all around Walmart.
3. He loves Walmart. But if I don't proceed through Walmart in a specific manner, he gets pissy. So I go the way he likes. It becomes inconvenient if I need something in an aisle he doesn't like.
4. Eat with his hands? Pssh, I'm just glad he's eating.
5. I will let him play with my smart phone anywhere if it will get him to sit still for five seconds. I don't go to church but I would give it to him there, too.
6. Popcorn for dinner? Sure, why not….
7. My son didn't speak for the first three years of his life. I would see other parents ignoring their children saying "Mommmy, mommy," and I would feel so jealous and angry and then guilty at the same time. Now if my son wants to talk, talk away. At any volume.
8. It's weird, but I understand my son perfectly, even when he isn't speaking. I have had to make a real effort to require him to verbalize, even if I know what he wants so he will learn to express it to others. But sometimes I don't make him say it.
9. I'm fine with naked time, so long as he stays away from windows.
10. Lastly, I think his hand flapping is cute. He does it when he's excited, so I say "Are you so excited?" and he flaps his hands and smiles and says "Yes, so excited." freaking adorable.
My name is Mr Cardenas,my wife was having affair with a senior secretary in her office. I love this woman so much that i would not want to share her with any body. i told her to retire from the job and i would take care of all her needs but she would take it because she is been embraced by everybody in her office, this normally leads to quarrel every-time. i tried all i can to please her and she will promise to be good , some days later she will turn back to her normal way.
i was nearly loosing out, i could not focus in my job, my whole life was full of sorrow and i was thinking i should kill the other man my self and put an end to all this until i saw a testimony from a blog on how DR EDIONWE could cast a love spell to bring lovers back no matter what is behind the disappointment. so i decided to write him via email. edionwesolutiontemple@yahoo.com and now all my wishes are exactly as i wanted. She told me everything that has happened secretly in the past and i forgave her as DR EDIONWE instructed me to and she loves me and care for me as i ever wanted. i know there are many spells that do not work but i want to assure all you out there no matter what you have been trough to have faith and believe that this is the final solution to your problem.
Even if my job is taking most of my time, the little free time i have , i will share the good news to everyone in the world because i know that with love brings happiness and hope for a long life.
I don't just know how to start am just short of word's and happy that i
would be celebrating my Esther with my wife,Due to the help of dr
tomsmart,This dr tomsmart has brought back happiness into my life that i
have lacked for year,My name is Maxwell am from the United State of
America,Am just so happy today and today has been the happiest day of my
life and this happiness has brought me joy and am so happy,Because dr
tomsmart brought back my lover tricia into my arms without any delay,After
my lover left me for good 2years,i was in deep pain and always thinking
because i truly loved Tricia,Until a faithful day listen to the radio due
to boredom,Then in which i had a lady shouting in happiness about the great
thing dr tomsmart has done how dr tomsmart brought back her lover back into
her arms within 36hours,when i had that goodness i decided in contacting dr
tomsmart immediately,Because i was desperate in getting in touch with
him,So i got in touch with him,Which then i told him my problem and he
promised in bringing back Tricia back to my arms within 24hours,And then
when i had that Tricia would be back to my arms within 24hours i was so
happy and waiting to feel Tricia,And really Tricia came into my arms within
24hours,Begging me for forgiveness,i was so happy when i saw Tricia now my
lover is fully back to my arms due to the help of this great man dr
tomsmart who has bought back happiness into our great country(Usa)Please
friend in need of help you don't need to go far all you need to do is for
you to kindly contact dr tomsmart for help,Because he his trustworthy and
straight forward,You can contact him on his private mail,
drtomsmart@gmail.com
I get all of the comments autism daddy has said, not saying I totally agree with them all as I too have a son with autism who is 6yrs old and he is in a special unit in school and if we all are not singing from the same hymn sheet then its all pointless, my point is you let him eat with his fingers and run about up halls and then his school/daycare/babysitter etc will be teaching the opposite and that child will be even more confused. 2 weeks ago my son was running up our hall its a long one and its all he ever does as he cannot seem to walk anywhere and guess what? as he was going too fast he could not make the manouver to turn into sitting room and crashed straight into the crack of the door splitting his head open, lost a tremendous amount of blood and will be scarred for life right across the forehead for everyone to see. I get your laid back approach but in time you will hit walls with all of these. don't get me wrong there are days my son will only ever eat 3 breakfasts.
Hi I am Keir's mum I loved your last comment on your list I was thrilled when Keir finally spoke and wouldn't dream of trying to shut him up it is a bit awkward when in a museum and supposed to be joining in the two minutes silence. Whatever makes him smile has always been good for me.
Thank you. It is great to know we are not alone in several of those areas.
One on our list that you don't have is excitment and encouragement with ANY verbal word(s), including swearing (even though we would never teach him those words or like him to use them). My six year old is non-verbal, but the few times he speaks we jump up and down and call everyone to share the good news. Including when he screamed S#!t three times in a row while at a public pool. I haven't ever seen a NT parent jump up and down with excitement when their kid swears.
Hi there!! I have been looking everywhere for an answer to a question, maybe you could help!
i have a 9 1/2 year old aspie son. he rarely uses a fork while eating and makes such a mess. i look at it like this as long as hes eating i dont care. my husband however has a different opinion and it grosses him out as well. im wondering what would be the cause in him not using a fork. yes his left hand is slower than his right and he does lack a little cordination, writing is a chore for him he LAOTHES writing especially when it comes to work lol. i tell my husbnad all the time leave him alone, we will worry about it later, and he isnt very cordinated its difficult he picks his syrupy buttered pancake up like its a cracker and again this drive the husband crazy. this is one constant battle between us. i also disagree with scolding him out in public at a resturant but my husband doesnt seem to mind causing a scene.then of course he shoves his plate across the table and slides to the floor refusing to eat. so id just like your thoughts please you are the first one i have come across about not using silverware!! thank you!!! tkiernan79@gmail.com
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I agree with all these things. The only thing that's hard is getting other people to understand why you allow your autistic child to do certain things. ie. My family just doesn't get why I let him eat pizza at Christmas, when we are all eating turkey. Is it worth the fight on Christmas day?
I thought I was alone in my autism world.. its 9pm and I'm lying in bed with tears going down my cheeks reading the stories and comments.. I really thought I was alone. I'm having difficulty with my child who isn't autistic.. she's starting to respond with "why does Cole get to do it and I cant?" Or "but Coley does it" or "you love Coley more than me because he does what ever he wants.".. I don't know what to say or do.. all I can come up with is Cole doesn't know any better and he doesn't understand.. -Lynsey M. Waynesville, MO
It sounds to me like mostly what you try to do is help your kid experience joy. What could be better than that? As a special ed teacher I know that there are lots of kids with disabilities who rarely have that opportunity. So go for it! It can only make things better.
Well said, we let our son wear a halloween costume all year round
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Thank you for the post.
I get so annoyed and exhausted of people's unsolicited advice in telling me what I should do or not do with my autistic child. Until you are raising my son (no not just a kid with autism, because your kid and their autism won't be the same as my kid and their autism or their general experience with life) please feel free to keep your comments, your expressions, your grunts, whispers and above-normal-sound-level-conversation commentary to your friend/spouse/child, to yourself.
My husband complains about us cooking two seperate meals to accomodate my son's food issues, but as long as my boy gets fed, I'm not going to stop doing it. I too let my son jump on the bed, couch, etc. Letting go that parental illusion of iron control and letting your autistic ones be kids draws alot of censure from other people, and you have to let go of the vanity that makes you embarrassed and learn to prize those moments when you can tell your kiddo is happy and enjoying life like a kid should. I wish you all that strength.
Beverly in Texas-Mom of 1 fabulous autistic son
My son is almost 13 and I too will let him do just about anything to get him to eat! He is PDD-NOS, the funny part is, I was just diagnosed with Asperger's this past year after years of misdiagnosis and testing. I eat the same way and have since I was a kid…I graze! And as for the playground…I'm a teacher and I taught 3 years of Inclusion Kindergarten…I can tell you I only really worried about my babies who wouldn't get dirty at the playground! Keep it up Dad sounds like you're on the right track!
I have absolutely no right to make judgements on how you choose to parent your child. Nor would I accept anyone elses judgement on how I parent my own child. I do try to teach my son some acceptable social behaviors but agian, this is my choice and do it for my own reasons. I pick my battles 🙂 Unless someone is a parent of a special needs child, they really haven't a clue what our day to day lives may be like. I do understand what the schools are trying to do and I have learned to listen to them less defensively but ultimately my son comes first and they pretty much know this by now. One last quote and one I live by. by Albert Einstain: “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” My son will NEVER be a tree climber and he will always be the best fish he can be! Trish mom to Damie, age 8
I let both my kids do what they think is best for them… what helps them the most. My first born son has always been "different" and a picky eater and I let him get away with a lot. My second son may have Autism (waiting diagnosis) and the same applies to him.
We jump on beds, even though we also have a trampoline. Popcorn is sometimes breakfast, lunch and dinner with fruit snacks for dessert. I have one kid who hates getting dirty and the other who could be head to toe. I have had teacher apologize for him being covered in paint… but I laugh I dont care. Most of it comes off anyway.
I let my one son eat "like cookie monster" if he wants and people can't stand it when we are out…. HE IS EATING leave him alone. If he is VERY hungry he uses his hands but if he is only hungry he uses a fork.
Saw this on Facebook and it made me smile. Our house is extremely different than other parent's houses. More so when my kids were younger. I have two kids with diagnosed disorders. My eldest has schizo-affective disorder with severe anxiety and looks like she has an ASD hat has been in "hiding" until now when we finally got the schizo-affective disorder in control. It was overwhelming the symptoms of the ASD, There were suspicions but no way till recently to tell for sure due to many overlapping symptoms of the disorders. My second child has a mild-moderate form of autism. He used to have epilepsy as well but that stopped and so far has not returned. 😀 We used to have very little furniture because of this. He had seizures so frequently that most furniture was a hazard. We lived in an apartment at the time and I couldn't take him out a whole lot to play and the other kids were untrustworthy there plus my fear of him wandering off or approaching something or doing something dangerous because he had no fear. So instead since we had plenty of room with almost no furniture but a couch I bought them a bounce around for inside the home. A one person seesaw, the balls with handles that you ride. The plastic balls that they use in ball pits to go inside the bounce around, the large exercise-therapy balls,some with the bumps for sensory and a water and sand pit on our porch for them. My son also had many sensory issues, so when I found him cracking open eggs on the floor and running his hands through them, dumping flour to play in, then cocoa powder, i never got after him. It was a GOOD thing. He was trying new textures on his own! I just let him play then cleaned it up afterwards. He eventually stopped on his own once he got his full of them. 🙂 I still have pictures. There are things that would freak some parents out that just made me so happy that he was doing. 😀 We had a neighbor who used to play his sound system really loud and really late at night. Most people would have hated that. It was a blessing for us. Dimitri had sleeping problems but when my neighbor would play his sound system, Dimitri would fall asleep on the floor so he could feel the vibrations from it. He had no bed but just a matress because of his seizures. He was rare in the fact that he would have seizures even in his sleep and would fall off of the bed. He rarely used the mattress anyway, he usually preferred the floor. I felt so guilty about it for awhile till his therapist explained to me that this too was a sensory thing. He craved the deep pressure that the floor provided for him. If it was his choice, it was fine. Both him and my daughter only had satin to sleep on as well. They couldn't fall asleep on anything else hardly. They were so sensitive in touch. Even as babies we had to use satin sheets to make their cribs and Alex my eldest girl had to have some sort of soft cushioning under her. Finding satin comforters in "boy" colors was almost impossible.I just got him purple. We also never worried about boy things or girl things but let them enjoy what they liked so I have pictures of my boys in dresses, tutus and sparkly shoes when they were little. 🙂 Love my kids, thay have rocked my world in so many great ways!
—– Lorraine—-
The teachers commenting on here need to stop being melodramatic. I'm a parent of a child on the spectrum and work with a lot of other parents. I also work with schools. 90% of physical altercations with spectrum kids are a result of a teacher who was not paying attention and let things escalate to the tipping point.
What teachers need to do is Harden the F* Up (HTFU) like the rest of us. Parents of kids on the spectrum usually end up working 2-3 jobs just to pay for their kids medical bills. I'm sick of teachers who work 9 months out of the year and averaging less than 40 hours a week whining about how hard it is for them.
http://stateimpact.npr.org/ohio/2011/10/05/teachers-work-fewer-hours-than-other-professionals-and-were-not-counting-summer-vacations/
-HTFU
This Special Education teacher agrees. To a point. I make it part of my beginning of the year duties to contact the parents to discuss their child. What THEY do about certain things like motivation, outbursts, defiance, etc. As stated above, they know their children the best. Why wouldn't I ask them? But parents on here also need to understand where the teachers are coming from. We are being held to standards we can't always meet, with limited to no resources. Sometimes, in the more severe SpEd rooms, there might not always be enough assistance, and the assistance might not always be the best. Be patient with us, and by all means, please stand up and be an advocate for your child! I always invite parents into my room, and tell them to please contact me. If it helps, set up a meeting with your child's teacher prior to school and go over your child's little things. What sets them off, what they like, what they'll work for, what they won't work for, securities, things like that. It does help. If you see you're meeting up with a teacher who is hard headed and 'my way or the highway', then you need to be your child's biggest advocate and try to make sure that your child is getting what they need. I know you shouldn't have to, but again, we as teachers don't always have what we need, and there aren't always a lot of professional development opportunities out there for those of us teaching your children. Thanks for sharing your angels with us.
I LOVED this post so much!!! I have a 4 year old with autism and I get SO tired of the "judging" eyes that follow us wherever we go. YES he will ride in the stroller while his one year old brother walks, YES he will open a bag of chips and eat them while we are shopping, YES he will dump mountains of dirt on his head, YES he will scream at the top of his lungs and run like a maniac through the library. That is him experiencing his world. Live in his shoes for one day and you will be doing all those things as well!
It is always comforting to hear from other parents that are facing some of the same challenges and implementing some of the solutions. I have three autistic children. My youngest is non-verbal, moderate to severe autistic. His older brother and sister are moderate and high functioning respectively. They are all so different and require such specific routines to help them cope. Parents of A-typical children just can't understand how rigid each autistic child can be. I especially like number 7! My older son loves coffee too. His pediatrician told us it actually can be helpful to his ability to focus on academic tasks. Apparently caffeine is like a natural Ritalin. I don't know much about all that, but it does seem to help when he has some coffee in the morning and he loves it! Sian
My son is 8 and has high functioning autism. The reason I do not like splashing in pools is because I do not like it in MY face. So splash all you want as long as you aren't getting it in someone's face….. In reality, just like you do not want me to judge YOU in allowing your child to do something, I do not want you to judge ME in NOT allowing my child to do something. I could give you a reason for each of the things you listed. Basically, I want my son to be a productive citizen when he grows up and he is learning how to do that now…. Of course, when I tell my kids something (like to not run) I also tell them WHY: It isn't safe to run inside; if you run, you'll get too far ahead of me; etc. I also give them the opportunity to run (outside in the yard….) It isn't just some arbitrary rule. Also, my son has two sisters. As it is, it is hard to explain why he can do something they can't or why they are expected to do something he isn't.
In the end, everyone's experience is different. Therefore, everyone's choices will be different. Also, what was ok for my kids at 2 may not be ok at 6 or 8. My son has developed speech, therefore I expect him to use his words to tell us things. Obviously I didn't have that expectation before he had words.
Tara
Tara
Fun sucker.
Wow, there were so many replies I couldn't read them all. I just read this blog which I found on my FB feed from Autism Speaks. It made me laugh, and I had to share it with my husband. It really warmed our hearts to relate to this. Our son is 5 (6 on July 1st) and he was just diagnosed with mild ASD & ADHD in February. We are in the process of making sense of everything we have been through with him since birth. As most of you know, it's overwhelming. There are so many new people in our lives now, and I both appreciate them and want to live on a desolate island at the same time where we don't have to deal with them. Somewhere "safe" for Bradyn to just be Bradyn. No shoes, no shirt, no social graces, no problem! LOL
So I had to add to your list…he gets to be the DJ in the car. He loves music, and like most kids with his likeness, it really soothes him. He has certain styles of music he likes: rhythmic (Johnny Cash), soothing (Jack Johnson) or it's about subjects he's interested in like "Tornado" by Little Big Town. Often times, to the annoyance of everyone else, he requests a song to play over and over again. I usually play it until I can't take it anymore, and then take it off repeat. Sometimes he protests, but he usually gets over it as long as the music is still playing…
whether your child has autism or not I feel it's best to let kids be kids and do your best to make sure they are! I feel you are doing a fine job! At least your child is growing up happy healthy and safe even if many parents out there don't believe that jumping on the bed is safe at least it's a bed and not of something on to something very hard!every child weather autistic or not has their own learning speed and so parents should learn to help them learn at their own speed. that's just how nature goes. Even if your child gets hurt it is still a learning experience, at least we can do as parents is make sure they aren't majorly injuried. I love this story about your son and how you have coped to work with him. Not against him. Kudos to you daddy-o. Continue being epic!
Our son (and both parents) walk weekly in a local park. This run/walk is put on by Train4Autism. There is no charge and we have many volunteer coaches. Look up Train4Autism and if possible, get a chapter started where you live. Train4Autism gets NT (and some with autism) to raise money when they race for autism charities. Our son is racing on Father's Day and his 10K race entry will go to Train4Autism. HTH, Mary
Amen!!!!
Xandria
I ran across your blog by chance and love it. I want to share my 10 if I can stop there, lol. My son Aydan is 14 and has Autism and at times Autism has him, but this kid amazes me all the time.
1. Yes I will send him to school without brushing his hair, and YES he has not had a haircut in about a year. Its just not worth the battle, he washes it,, but the feeling of a poky, stiff brush roaming all over his head and pulling and scratching…no thank you. Really how important is having short hair in a male??? Just thinking the buzzing of clippers, or the snipping sound scissors make while CUTTING a piece of you? OVERWHELMING. When it bad we talk about it, work up to it and may even take the whole weekend to cut his hair.
2. Pink Hello Kitty backpack? YUP! Oh and the Hello Kitty Shirt in the girls department? Yup! You want those pink and purple shoes? Ok…Pink gloves for the winter? Sure do you want the ones with Hello Kitty? Hello Kitty is big in this house. Who says its only for girls, an animal that is cute and smiling and friendly, thats for all here.
3. ANYTHING in pink or purple, and light purple at that, is what is wanted. Thank Goodness his brothers are there for him. He was getting teased in 4th grade for his pink backpack, so what did his big bros do? They made me buy them pink shoelaces and what do you know? Pink shoelace became the "thing" to have for that year!
4. Grilled cheese for breakfeast lunch and dinner for 6 more months? Hey if he eats it and tries to use words to ask for it, why not. Oh, feel free to replace grilled cheese with any of the following we have…chicken noodle soup with stars (only the stars), McDonalds cheeseburger, popcorn, Cesar salad (oooh add shrimp please)buttered toast, and shrimp cold with cocktail sauce, apples (crisp not mushy) and grapes!
5. Comfort comfort comfort…sweatpants only for Aydan. Last Halloween he was a pirate and wore a pair of jeans, I had to take a picture its the only time in his life I can remember seeing him i jeans. But hey why worry besides sweats come in soooo many colors, including pink!
6. Clothes? why are they important? Running around in his underwear at home is just fine with me. Boy can I understand, tight constricting itchy fabric covering your skin? Yuck! Besides this is his home and if someone comes over and doesnt like it, well go to your home. He is covered happy and at ease, I never thought that he could be happy and at ease.
7. Aydan has sensory issues, and the normal noise of life can be and is overwhelming. So headphones are just an extension of him. I swear they are permently attached to his head. He gets an indent in his hair from them, remember he hates haircuts. I have gotten comments that I am letting him be "rude", my response…please think about who the "rude" one is. Besides, wearing headphones enables him to do things with me and be with me without being with EVERYONE in the world.
8. Why do we need a sleep scheduel? Oh yeah sociaty says that people should sleep 6-8 hours at night every night. If everyone was that way who would work the nightshift, answer phones at tech support at 2am, there would be no one to answer crisis lines, or check you out at the store when you have to run and get chicken soup at 2am because you kid wants it after not eating for 4 days.
9. Only wants to read about watch or talk about Dinosaurs? Sure, lets learn together or better teach me. I just love that you are talking!
10. Video games can be social and educational, yes you can play!
Christine from Seattle WA
We do those, at 6 years old my boy still likes to suck on a dummy for comfort and when he goes to bed he likes to take at least 4 with him.
I love this! I too am a parent of a non-verbal boy with ASD, we follow most of the same rules but reading this made me realize that I need to pick my battles! Devon just turned 4 this month and we are learning that there are some things that we can't control! I also have a NT child, raising them together is a struggle. I hate treating them different but they are different both so special and unique in their own way. Their tolerance for each other expands everyday. Colt is learning what makes Devon tick and vise versa! Its funny to hear them argue when neither one says a word! I applaud all the Autism parents out there for letting their little ones true colors fly!
From one parent to another, thank you! Our son Caleb is nine, nonverbal, extremely low-functioning, not potty trained…you know, the whole nine yards and then some.
My husband and I used to take it personally when someone would criticize our "spoiling" of Caleb or the measures we take to ensure his safety (he wears a leash in public and we have more locks on our doors than Fort Knox), but we both know we have to modify his upbringing compared to his younger brother and sister's upbringing. We're not bothered by the stares when he flips out in public because he's in overload, or by the little old ladies who have told us we need to spank our son more often (seriously, it's happened a few times), or anything else really.
So here are a few things we let Caleb get away with that Michael and Rachel don't get away with:
1- Eating with his hands. We've never been able to get Caleb to use utensils. We're fortunate, though, in that he's not as picky an eater as most. He just has to have something he can touch and hold without the disconnect of a fork or spoon.
2- Naked time! Okay, it's not really naked time, but if we're at home, we let him wander about the house in his diaper and a pair of underwear over it. This compromise makes getting clothes on him when we're going out a little bit easier.
3- No bed time. We've tried; it just doesn't work. And no matter what time he goes to bed, he'll be up around six the next morning. So at around nine p.m. we put him in his room (which is completely Caleb-friendly) and close the extra tall baby gate in the door so he can't leave his room. When he's ready to go to sleep, he will.
You are an amazing father. What an inspiration! Thank you for this. Kali
I agree with u Jayme….I have had run ins with people letting there children tease my autistic son and I just want to beat the snot out of them ( I wouldn't) but he s little and he doesn't understand and just wants to play and they'll at him and try to hit him ooohhh my blood boils with that !!!!!! I hold my temper but other parents don't understand or care to understand to teach ur child right even about special needs children how do they know someday they could have an autistic child!!!! Jr
How would u go about getting a service dog for ur autistic child I have a 5 year old son who has autisum……and he does some pretty crazy things ( he can't help it) but he might do well with a service dog any suggestions ?? Ty Jessica R
I just wanted to say one thing. Way To Go! Too many people with special needs children are afraid of what Society in general thinks of them. Ya know what, People in Society need to take a break and try to understand what the parents of Special needs children go through on a Daily Basis. As long as your son is safe and not causing harm to others then let him explore, later you can help him find a balance and still have fun while being safe.
Jayme
First of all I really appreciate your sincerity. I think you must be GREAT parent!!! I think these are all normal for any child and they MUST experience these. No fun in childhood if they cant do these things! They will any way regardless of you as a parent trying to stop them. But I think as long as the child is able to know the difference that in certain places some of these things may be unacceptable. I am not sure how this is possible as I don't have a child with autism. Enjoy your son's childhood to the fullest!! EVA
Amazingly, the comments I read from those who are down on allowing an ASD child to eat with their hands, or run in a hallway, all seem to come from people who only work with ASD kiddos. And if they actually took time to CARE about their jobs, they'd realize that we parents, who must deal with ASD 24/7 are NOT the lazy, school-dependent leeches they attempt to portray us as. My son is almost 6, and was diagnosed with Autism just after his 3rd birthday. He was non-verbal until Sept 2012. He also refused to use a fork by himself until he was 4, and he refused to touch food with his fingers until about the same time. That did not make me lazy. We both worked our butts off trying to work through his sensory issues, and his motor skill issues. And the first time he picked up a spoon and smeared chocolate pudding on his face, I cheered! Why? Because he TOUCHED a spoon. He TRIED to used it properly. And he DIDN'T meltdown when pudding touched his cheek. HUGE breakthrough moments for him!
You people who live in your NT bubbles tend to think we ASD parents are envious of your ASD free lifestyles and abilities to deal with the outside world without a care for anyone but yourself. However, I believe that it is YOU who should be envious of us. We don't take for granted the little things. Or the big things. We understand what a momentous occasion it is when a child over the age of 1 picks up a fork for the first time. We understand just how monumental it is to see our child, who is normally terrified of large crowds, go running down the hallway to his kindergarten class, because he can't wait to get there. We understand how HUGE it is, when our child sits in the bathtub and splashes water all over the bathroom, because a year ago, he was still sponge bathing because he couldn't stand to immerse himself into a tub full of water due to his sensory issues.
Perhaps you could stop judging and condemning our parenting methods, and instead learn a little bit about this thing we like to call Empathy.
It's so nice to see a community filled with so many people in the same situation and frame of mind as ours. We have a few rules of our own that fly in our house that would never fly in a typical home. Along with the above listed we allow watching movies to fall asleep by, because the alternative is my son (EJ 4yr old nonverbal severe autism) being up all night fidgeting, crying, self-harming, obsessing over paper, unraveling blanket, unloading diaper, climbing in the window, scaring younger sister…. I could go on but you get the idea. Someone once told me that stopping his stimms was cruel b/c he stimms for comfort not any other reason, so I didn't stop his stimming and I don't intend to, instead I help him find stimms that are helpful. He actually goes to sleep when watching a movie b/c he sits still long enough for his heart to stop racing. We play with puzzles and letter blocks obsessively too b/c he used to shred paper and try to put it back together to the point where my house looked like a hamster cage 24/7, no paper no matter the importance, was safe. I saw this and said "hmm.. it's like a puzzle" I bought a few puzzles and whala! just like that he switched over to them and hasnt torn paper since. I noticed he would stare at words, in books or where ever, and block everything else out, EVERYTHING eating, sleeping, whatever it didn't exsist when he got into looking at a word or two. Now we have letter blocks, now he's making the words.. its mostly copying words he sees for now but I am very proud, the blocks are always the right way up and facing the correct direction!! The bottom line is that he is learning and he feels comforted by the stimming that has been redirected. It's hard work but very worth it!!
Yes! My son has Asperger's, so he is more "high functioning" than many kids on the spectrum. Unfortunately for him, that means that he is often being behavior mod'ed all day at school. While I appreciate all the work his army of teachers and therapists have done, when he comes home he NEEDS to allow his ASD flag fly! My son has also been provisionally* diagnosed with an auto-immune disorder that affects how his body uses nutrients. His nutritionist and gastroenterologist have said "whatever calories and protein he wants to eat, let him eat!" If that means letting him eat chicken nuggets for breakfast, so be it. I have been working on getting his school to be more accepting of his behavior instead of whacking the autism out of him everyday. Hopefully, sharing blogs like this one and many, many others is beginning to open up their eyes to what "normal" behavior for kids really is. For crying out loud, I try to get my son to jump in puddles and touch dirt 🙂
* his disorder, which I can't pronounce, let alone spell, can go symptom free for months and years at a time. He hasn't had symptoms for a year of testing now, but his doctors are about 75% positive in the diagnosis.
Great post. I encourage crying with my Aspie (helps to relieve stress that's building up), I am OK with hands moving, skipping and jumping as much as needed. I am OK with letting her talk for 10-15 min. straight without turn-taking (a skill that we practice at school, so home it's OK to be who we are and hog the floor).
My toddler was diagnosed yesterday. While trying to educate myself a little more on ways to help her cope with some things and challenge her in other areas, I came across your blog.
I am very sad to say up until I read this post, I was one of those parents telling her not splash in the tub, get dirty at the playground, be loud in public areas, jump on her bed, eating with her hands, etc.
Now understanding that these that other parents deal with also is a HUGE relief. I dont feel like I need to "correct" her behavior. I am SO GLAD my google search brought me to your blog today. Thanks!!
BTW I will be completely changing how I respond to her behaviors.
Braver. I want braver. I let my kid eat M&Ms sometimes. Oh, and every once in a while my kids get chicken nuggets. Once every couple of months, usually when my one with autism is having a meltdown, we are late, there is no dinner (couldn't get to the store b/c said child is having meltdown). Yeah. Don't you dare judge me.
When my child was first diagnosed, the diet nazis were ALL OVER MY case about gluten. That was the only support (how to avoid "evil" foods) that some parents were willing to give (sad). I put us all through hell (and I don't use that word lightly) to stay on that diet for over a year. Easy? Not even close. Try a food strike that continues to this day.
Didn't do crap. No allergies or sensitivities ever showed up on any tests. What a waste of money, time, and sheer effort. Do the diets work for some kids? I guess. Not mine.
We finally gave up to spend our time and effort on stuff that did work, but that didn't stop the activist diet nazi parents in my support group from being jerks. At the time it really hurt.
Now I laugh. Why? Well, all I can say is that some people need to learn to take the Autism decals off their car in the McDonalds drive through lane if they are going to post all over the internet about the evils of food coloring, GMOs, diet, homeopathy, etc. It's a small words and many of us know one another.
Am I saying all those things are wrong? No. But if you beat fellow parents over the head with them, we will laugh at you when we spot you being normal and going to McDonalds. Also, don't try to tell me that you recovered your child and push your therapies on me when I can clearly see that your child still has autism. Is that so bad? Our kids rock. Why do some parents want to push me so hard to somehow earn my kid's "recovery"? Leave me and my kid alone.
My kids had a couple of Peeps for Easter, too. The diet nazis can bite me. My kid is doing just as well as their kid and my family is happy. My kids eat crap sometimes. It didn't cause the autism. Thanks for letting me get this off my chest.
Anon from March 31, @8:14pm — I know a few of those Diet Nazi's you speak of. They're ALL OVER, unfortunately. I'm with you. We have found what works for us, and our kiddo. Go raise your own kids. What kills me about the slew of Diet Nazi's I happen to know is that NONE of them are ASD parents!! And yet I am constantly bombarded with facebook shares, emails and blog messages about "Recover your kid!", "Stop all vaccines!", "Avoid !" and the latest? "Oooh, there's a vaccine!" (Uh, didn't you just tell me that the other vaccines were bad!? o.O ) Our kiddos with ASD and Sensory issues don't always allow us to go GFCF, Non-GMO, Food coloring free. In fact, I have recently talked to a couple of ASD parents in my area about my son's recent found fondness for the "Yellow Diet". You know. Mac N Cheese, French Fries, Chicken Nuggets, Cheez-its, etc. You know… All foods must be over processed and dyed yellow. 😉 Guess what? He's eating finally! He's finally to his suggested weight bracket after five years of "Please baby, EAT.SOMETHING."
I meant to reply as http://www.facebook.com/BoxTopsForAutismEden
I love #11 SITTING IN THE CART AT THE SUPERMARKET/STORE
I am 43 and my son is 9 also. I can completely relate to this. He isn't so big he's stuffed in the cart but he is learning to push the cart for half the time now and I push him the other half. He is also learning this with his school. We leave trails of pringle crumbs. I enjoy reading your posts. I can relate to just about everyone. It's nice to know someone else is out there living the way we do. Even though I know other families are out there it's not like I get to meet many. Thanks for sharing. I appreciate it! (Yardville, NJ)
I enjoyed reading this. I am always the parent/person questioning "the rules". WHY can't we run down the hall and be loud (there is noone around!) This reminds me to look for more ways that we can have fun because we deserve too (life with Autism is hard enough)and we are good at it! Thank you, Debbie J.
This is a great article. I too have a very low verbal autistic five year old with eating challenges. You're post made me smile as a Dad in the exact same situation.
God bless you and your family I know it's a rough road sometimes.
Cheers,
Chris
I am the parent of a fantastic child with autism, I have read several of the posts and agree with both sides of the fence.
For the parents:
Social behavior and norms are out the window! What I mean by that is we have our own methods of measuring progress with our children. My son is Non Verbal and 6 years old, he doesnt talk but makes very high pitched noises and I encourage him to continue. Of course we get the looks when we are out in public because ALMOST EVERYONE ASSUMES he is acting out or behaving badly. Little do they know that he is simply trying to communicate his feelings or wants. My biggest problem is YOU yes YOU people out here with children who face no challenges and instead of teaching empathy and compassion you teach your children how to ostracize and to point out the differences. Please do not worry because I talk to him about the ignorance of people and how they will try to compartmentalize him in the future. It is truly a shame that I have to teach my son about others ignorance in this day and age.
Teachers and Care Givers:
If you have a problem with how some parents raise their autistic children well you should contribute money, time or have some understanding that no 2 autistic children are the same. You get to go home and talk about how bad your day was or get online and blog about how some of the parents aren't doing what you consider a "good job parenting". first and foremost I laugh at you in your face and behind your back because you are the worst ones. You take a profession to work with special needs children then you criticize? I almost always assume you did it for job security thinking that the education field will always have employment prospects. Plus you use old outdated models of learning. I (not the school) took the time to teach my son English, Spanish and Sign Language and they still have problems communicating with him. When I ask how they sit and look at me like a deer stuck in the headlights because I point out to them that if I have no traditional background with education of autistic children and can teach my son 3 different languages what is the problem they are having? I even have went as far as to pay out my pocket for a therapist to come to the school and help the teachers learn sign language so my son can be acknowledge when he needs help.
Overall I am always encouraged by the people who put children first because they are our future. To those of you who are married to someone who is not supportive of your child please think about the environment your child is in, the world is full of negative and judgmental people the last place a child needs to hide is from people in their own home. There is so much more I can talk about but these issues need to be addressed in a productive forum with out the ignorance or stereotypes at your local school board, PTA and educational settings. To all of the parents with Loving Children autistic or not I want to thank you for not doing what your suppose to do but doing what you love and thats taking care of your children.
amanda here: I loved these. I agree with most and do almost all of them myself and not really because I have a child with Autism but because they are KIDS! They have one little childhood and I want them to enjoy it. Some things just don't matter and aren't worth wrecking their self esteem over.
Hi, I'm Lin – mother of a wonderfully gifted autistic son, who went from being severely autistic to verbal/mainstreamed and to quote doctors and "strangers" he doesnt seem to be autistic.. Most of the time, they aren't with him during the meltdowns and regressions which still happen. He is only recently out of diapers all day – but still has accidents. He goes to a "normal school" he is in a Normal classroom part of the day and a special needs class part of the day. He has been sent home with his shoes in a bag because he splashed in puddles, he locks himself in lockers when he gets overwhelmed he has to sit on a certain colored spot on the carpet. In response to the "teacher" who thinks we LET our children get away with everything – we really don't we pick our battles – I did not see anything in the blog that says – I let my child BEAT on other children or adults! My son used to bite, he did that because he was bitten by a "NORMAL" child. He has been hit and had his hair pulled and tripped by "normal" students… the same normal students that hit teachers, screamed and threw things. SO DO NOT THINK THAT AUTISTIC PARENTS ALLOW THEIR KIDS TO DO SOMETHING THAT "NT" WOULD NEVER DO!. We want our kids to be able to do as much "normal" stuff as we can. I work with him extensively at home, sometimes he stays up for days – and I do all I can to hang in with him – or his teenage/adult siblings step in and let me nap for a bit.
I am lucky and I know it – when he was re-evaluated the specialists thought I had brought in a different child because he made so much progress… he made that progress because he was ENCOURAGED- not OVER PUNISHED TO CONFORM! He is an individual, just like "kyle" he is allowed to have toys all over, he has a BABY DOLL because he wanted one – so what he is a BOY! the first clothes I ever got him to actually keep on was one of his sisters sun dresses – he signed it felt good. hey it was 20 degrees on and he was wearing something besides a diaper – I WAS THRILLED! My parents were concerned. TV at Dinner -was a no no at my parents house, they turned off the TV and he melted down – they thought he was just trying to get his way – at that time they had no idea and didnt understand. I begged them please turn on the TV and he would not only sit at the table but he would Eat! and he had barely had anything that day – he was only willing to eat a cheese sandwich even then. TV went on he signed sorry and sat down and ate. My dad went to the computer and spent the next 5 hours online finding out about AUTISM – he woke me the next morning in tears and hugged me – told me I was amazing and he had no idea – he was sorry he had not understood and from now on he would take his cues on how to act/react from me. before we left – My dad asked my son if he knew who he was – My son "said" Mom's DAD – my dad cried! He spoke to him without screaming or crying or signing. and he had made the connection that that was my dad… My son can run down any hall – without sharp sticks, he can play video games till 4 in the morning, he can watch the same disney movie 67 times in a day rewinding the same scene 40 times over so he can laugh – We struggle to get homework done and if promising him a MT DEW or Pepsi will get him to finish it up – so be it! IF he wants to sleep next to Mommy – so be it! He is important! He is LOVED! and HE WILL BE SOMEONE SPECIAL – to me Forever – to the world – maybe someday! Einstein was autistic, Many others who gave great things to this world have shown some form of autism – Maybe it was because they got to splash in puddles and sit under tables and eat breakfast for dinner or just Spin in the room with their mom/dad/siblings! thanks for letting me rant/brag and thanks for encouraging the "ROCK STAR" parents! with their superstar kids! … the Normals just wish they had a half of our energy, drive and LOVE!
oh my word your son looks adorable! keep up the good work! from AF
All very familiar in my house…i actively encourage some of those things and go further than you have. Whenever we have torrential rain in the summer i encourage my 2 boys, Evan & Paul, to go out and walk in the rivers running down the street. We constantly debate what is finger food and what is not. I don't like them eating from a fork like it's a lolly, but occasionally we all do it. We go to big shops so that there is a place for them to run around out of the bad weather, that's safe. We love DIY/Garden places, lots of shed's etc. to play in….wide aisles so no collisions with other customers….huge trolleys to ride in…tents to play in…it's a huge playground for them so why fight it? They're excited and alive and interested in something outside of their own heads, i love that.So many things are different, have a different meaning, significance, importance in THEIR world. Even the NT's in this world rebel! Rules are made to be broken sometimes and that definitely applies to kids with autism aswell….
So true we were born to explore we can't learn without trying it & sometimes we want to explore for ourselves sometimes we are not quite certain & want someone with us to help when we need
Of course I play too
So true we were born to explore we can't learn without trying it & sometimes we want to explore for ourselves sometimes we are not quite certain & want someone with us to help when we need
Of course I play too
So excited to run across your sight today. I have been working with my son since 2007, when I first learned of ASD. My son is high functioning, but can be just as challenging. I can't tell you the number of nights I have wanted to go to bed and cry and scream and yell at myself, because I feel like such a failure as a parent. I do get impatient, and tired, and annoyed, and all those things a parent is NEVER supposed to do. I DO have the greatest partner, my soon to be wife, that has been a partner, a mother, and a cheerleader, and everything else one could want in a parenting team with ASD. To hear that we are not the only parents out there that lose our tempers, and consequently, the eloquence in which we may communicate our thoughts and RAW feelings… so nice to not feel alone. Very nice to begin to connect with others here and there that understand and are working throught he same challenges.
-Steve
Love this! You have to pick your battles, otherwise they'd be in trouble constantly, and over-correcting would drive both of you batty!
Hey I found this really interesting, I'm in the U.k and i have a daughter with autism and global mental development delay so this really stood out to me, I was actually searching "things to do with your Autistic child" and the answer is simple whatever makes them happy for now as you've clearly stipulated. I shall be a bit more laid back in future as opposed to tring to inflict the same rules as on my other daughter, but where do you draw the line at rule differentiating….?
I absolutely agree with everything the blogger has said. As for the critics, who cares what their opinions are, especially the ones who have no autistic children of their own. Let's face it what is socially appropriate these days anyway? A person is going to be criticized no matter and for our children with severe autism its not a matter of being socially acceptable, most of the time its a matter of survival. We will do whatever we have to do to get our child to eat and to get some physical activity. Yes you do have to set some boundaries but most of all you have to let your child be a child. Even NT kids aren't allowed to be children anymore. As for meltdowns, all of you who have been throwing that up apparently don't know as much as you think otherwise you would know that autistic children have meltdowns regardless of what you are teaching them. Its not just something you can make go away. My 12yr old has meltdowns but he has been taught to go to his room when it occurs. If we are in public and he has a meltdown, well then he just has a meltdown because he doesn't have access to his own space at the time and that is not his fault. Do people stare and make comments? Of course, do we care? NO!! My son has already broke 3 beds from jumping. Do we tell him not to jump? No. We just put his mattress on the floor. Jumping is stimulation that he needs sometimes and once he gets overstimulated he also knows how to calm himself. Does he squeel and make loud noises in public? Yes and we laugh and make noise right along with him because we encourage any vocalization we can get out of him. He does eat with a fork or spoon now but it took time and he didn't even try until he was ready so he did eat with his hands for a long time? What were we supposed to do? Not allow him food because he couldn't use utensils? I can honestly say that I have probably learned more from my autistic son than he has ever learned from me. Through h even I have learned that as long as you are happy who cares what the rest of the world thinks. Society plays no part in the decisions we make in our life and we do not anyone's approval to be happy. My autistic son is one of the happiest people I have ever met in my life. And just for the record, my autistic son probably has better manners and behaves better than my NT children and they have strictor rules and higher expectations!
Loved this. It hit home so much I decided to write up my own little list of some things we do around our home. http://madnaivejello.blogspot.com/2013/01/5-things-i-let-my-son-with-autism-do.html
Lot of great heartfelt stories.
And demanding acceptance of an autistic person is appropriate.
Now how many autistic parents, need to learn to tolerate other people w/ other challenges that are not near and dear to THEM? It's easy to be righteous about your own, a giving soul, shares other's pain and trials.
Think about it.
Happy New Year All!
WATCH TV FROM 3IN AWAY
GO TO THE BANK DRIVE THRU IN ONLY UNDIES (hey its just not worth the fight)
LET HIM WEAR SHORT SLEEVES IN WINTER (says hes hot and freaks out what am i to do lol)
and the one i just cant win….
LET HIM BRING LEAVES INSIDE MY HOME AND CAR (he just loves them so much!)
My son is 3 pdd-nos, high functioning autism.. he is very verbal and has a huge vocabulary but has no clue how to ask for basic needs, follow directions, or answer questions so he pretty much just talks about random things that intrest him!
I love following The King hes a very cool kid 🙂
I love all of those, except for the splashing in the pool…
The only reason I have issues with that one is because *I* myself am on the spectrum and I have serious issues with being splashed in the face… it's one of the few things that can trigger me into an angry meltdown every time if I don't immediately remove *MY* self from the situation… it's not so much getting water in my face (like diving in or swimming under water…) that bothers me. It's the sudden and consistent splashing… It's the water in and out and in and out and in and out of my face with no chance to adjust to one or the other in between. It's a major sensory issue that I have NEVER been able to overcome.
I'm not one who enjoys spending a lot of time at the pool/in the water anyway, but, I have a Husband and two kidlets who may as well have been born fish… so we do go to the pool often, and for *MY* kidlets sake… I do get in the water and play with them… but if people start splashing around indiscriminately, *I* have to get out and interrupt *MY* kidlets joyous play time. KWIM???
If your son likes it… wonderful… but PLEASE be aware of where you are and whom else may be around when you do so… YES encourage as much pure joy in your child as is possible… I agree… but please try to be respectful of other people as well… because you just never know if the person nearby might have serious issues.
If you wish to reply, you can call me Crimson!
I love it. I have things other parents might not let kids do, but like you said pick your battles. 1.on weekends I let him walk around in his underware. He hates the way clothes feel on him but we have an understanding, you wear them during the week without fighting and on the weekends hey we will be home and no one is coming over.
2. not picking up his room. He is comfortable and relax in his room and spreads all of his action figures on the floor to play.
3. sitting on the floor, I don't understand it but he loves to sit/lay on the floor. I don't care if we are at home, at family or even in the stores, he wants to sit on the floor.
I agree so much with all of you.things only autism parents can understand x
my son almost always sits on the floor in pubic!
My list of things that the little tyrant gets away with-
1- Not drinking out of a regular cup. Sippy cups and sport bottles that stimulate his vestibular system are a must. Even if he is 7.
2- Tons of video games and computer time. This is the ONLY time he can focus and relax. So yeah, if he is over stimulated I just let him play on the computer for a while and it helps calm him down, while he is having fun.
3- Eating with his hands. If it gets him to eat a salad, I don't care if he just shoves his face in the plate. He's eating, and thats a win in my book. Also- cleaning your plate is never required in this house.
4- Not being "polite" by hugging his relatives. Alex is not a touchy feel-y kinda guy. And I refuse to make him hug someone he doesn't want to.
5- Staying up till ridiculous hours if he does not have school. We live and breathe our weekly routine, but occasionally, we say to hell with it and just let him be the night owl that he truly is.
6- Letting him out of school if he has had a really bad meltdown. I'm trying to stop doing this, but some days- it really just is not worth the battles that will occur if I don't bring him home. Once he hits a certain point, the rest of the day is shot.
7- Not making him clean up his room. Some days I require him to help, but others, I just do it myself.
And yes, the endless talking is a joy in this house. He did not talk until 2 years ago, and I love hearing him go off on a tangent, even if others barely understand him.
He also gets plopped down in the cart if he is having a rough day, and given his DSI, so he can play video games and I can actually get stuff done.
It's nice to read Autism Daddy's Posts even though there are different shades of Autism we as parents understand, My son is 11 he has done all those 12 things and I agree you just want your kids to be happy they struggle everyday, So my main goal of trying to be a good parent to my son is make his life as easy as possible and if we get through the day where he is happy and content I have done my job. I have a cute story last summer it was raining cats and dogs (Which does not happen too much in (Arizona) so I decided lets run in the rain and splash in all the puddles barefoot I grabbed my son which he did not want any part of it because he has never done it before, went outside and ran around, splashed in huge puddles and screamed like crazy people when we were done and soaked from head to toe and a little muddy, I looked at my son, He was laughing and this brought tears to my eyes I will never forget the fun we both had I got to be a kid again and my son was happy and we were together because most of the time my son just wants to be left alone to do his computer things. So parents just enjoy your children.
I do have to mention one thing I hear alot from other parents is when there kids are asking too many questions and they tell them to be quiet I could just cry because my son is non-verbal and I would give the world to have a conversatiom with my child.
Just wanted to let you know, in case you don't, that there is a runners group on Long Island for people with special needs. They take all kinds of runners (as in those that run away and those that run for the sake of running). I don't know the name but you can google it (it might be something like road runners).
And as far as jumping on the bed…….well our younger son is 13. We had to put his mattress and on the floor and get rid of the frame because his head was just about to hit the ceiling fan.
Loved this thanks for writing this blog…. 🙂 *star*
I have an NT daughter, ADHD son and an AD step-son and we have let all of them do all of these things on occasion. I remember my daughter and I putting on bathing suits and going out to play in the rain (she's 20 now). We work with my step-son on using utensils, but we don't push him super hard. I try to mix up finger foods meals and the utensils meals. One utensils meal to every three or four finger foods meal.
Amani
my son is 3 years old and i have been having a very hard time the fact is i have a 2 year old and a 1 year old and let me tell u its hard keepin up but after reading your page i think im guuna stop following these day cares and therapists advice and let him be they talk about routine and structure but its dont nothing but make my life difficult my son xavier or what we like to call him x man loves to drink pepsi jump on my bed watch spongebob and run around in a diaper he also loves to give rasberries so i think im gunna let him do his own thing for a while thanks for sharing
i recently contacted a doctor named UBIATO i find his name on the internet so i decided to contact him on his email: ubiatowhitemagicspell@yahoo.com for help in my relationship he ask me to send him my details which i did after that he told me that the gods reveled something to him and he told me everything that was reveled to him and he told me what he was going to do the after three days my relationship became sweet again and the person that was behind my problem came to apologize to me for forgiveness which was my mother in-law now i and my love are happy again including my mother in-law…. thanks to Dr.UBIATO
Gotta say that most of your list is on my list… we also have the ipad at the table if it is going to encourage him to eat/sit. We challenge all the social "civil" behaviour. We live in a house strewn with toys – it took ages for him to learn to play so we have heaps of stuff out so he can now choose things as if we wait for him to verbally ask it isn't going to happen, at times when sensory is overwhelming we accept that chewing on his shirts/toys etc is necessary. We try to make things functional but in the end if he will engage with us them almost anything goes
Hi I'm Judi, a mum of a 6yo first diagnosed with autism. He is my x-man. Yesterday my son had Chicken nuggets, pasta and brocoli for breakfast (he also had that for lunch and dinner – hey I must cook great chicken nuggets). Last year I made breakfast pizzas every morning and dinner pizzas every night, last term it was party pies, who cares – he's eating.
Here is my take on some of the things you've said:
Puddles are for jumping in, if you don't get it – try it with them it's fun,
Running in the hall is not something we do – that darn door knob at the end owww, but sliding on a towel while mummy pulls it – yeah.
Water – no matter how much food colouring you put in the bath your child will never turn blue (especially when you use red food colouring).
Getting dirty? I don't get it I've got friends that dont use playdoh, painting or anything that is messy – where is the fun in that, mud (dirt and water) it for making pies, playdoh is for squeezing and tasting (make your own if they eat lots) paint is for painting and washing machines are automatic now days. oh the horror – you covered my child in shaving cream – not me he did it all by himself it washes off. But now I have the child who isn't scared to have a go painting at school and that is something that means I'll jump in puddles for everytime.
Wow I can really relate to your post! My 3 year old was just diagnosed with SPD with oral aversion. Eating is a daily battle. He can throw up even seeing us eat….so we eat pretty much the same 6 foods EVERYDAY! And we believe in vitamins as well! We don't use utensils or sit at the table either! He eats with his fingers while watching videos on youtube mostly or eats certain foods while playing with certain toys. I can completely relate! I guess parents to kids with these issues learn to adapt and have WAY more patience than you ever thought possible! I love my son dearly! And like you, he eats whatever he asks for….even if its cheetos with fruit chillers for breakfast as long as it is something! The old saying a kid will eat when they get hungry no matter what food it is…IS NOT TRUE with these kids. They would starve themselves! Thank you so much for posting this and letting people know they are not alone!
Love my son with autism! Love your page.
Know you are not alone. Know there are others who feel exactly as you.
Living with a non-verbal autistic child can be so tough and challenging but I wouldn't trade my son for anyone. I wouldn't want to change one single second of the time I've spent with him. I wish for him so much more than he may ever obtain but I know he's already given me more than I could ever have hoped to get.
Oh my gosh, my 3yo with PDD-NOS is a TOTAL grazer. She just drinks a yogurt while on the potty for breakfast, grazes on snacks all morning, picks at lunch while going around to play and coming back, and sitting at the table for dinner but not eating anything, then asking for ketchup or something. Child's gonna eat whatever she wants, whenever she wants! We're a vitamin family too! – Katie
we just got the diagnoses for our son, we had known for some time, but needed to hear it from psychologist. My son is 5..and I think your page is outstanding..I just want him to feel loved everyday every minute and live like a child. I see him no different from my other children..Thank you:) Sometimes I try to do things the way others may want me to do. But after reading this, I'm just gonna let him be him:)
Jenn-Autism Mama
As soon as we get home from the store, school, or wherever he likes to take off everything but his pull up. He keeps his clothes on in public and all day at school so if he wants to run around in his pull up at home more power to him. I'm trying to get him to at least start wearing some cotton shorts around the house but I'm not pushing him. He's only four so I have some time. I have friends that would never allow their child of this age to do this but that's what makes me an awesome autism, rock start mama. lol
DS is 19 now. We've done coffee for years. If you think about it…it's a stimulant. Don't stimulants have reverse effects if you need it? Think ritalin.
Wearing a hat 24/7…except for showers.
Sleeping in clothes vs pajamas.
Eating only vegetables instead of fruit.
Saved our battles for safety issues.
This is the best article for me. I feel comforted to know there are other people who live unconventional lives while supporting their autistic kids. My daughter is autistic and I support her in all her special traits. When she wants to cuddle or feels like she needs some affection she meows like a cat. She'll do it on the bus and I just say to her "Are you my kitty Alys?" and rub her back. She's very particular with what she eats so we accommodate her eating habits as well and sing the "Peanut Butter Jelly" song a lot. Recently Alys has become fixated on dresses and particularly these two princess dresses she wants to wear every day and every night. I support her so I got her a couple more skirts and explained to the teachers who are supportive as well. If I don't let her wear what she wants (provided its clean)its almost like she's in agony. She cries so hard she starts hyperventilating and its just not worth the trauma. Thank you so much for sharing and letting me relate and share as well. Good job Dad! – Trista
Hi my name is jack and I am a 16 year old that has a brother with autism. What your saying really does let me acually see that im not alone with my feelings toward my brother. Hes extremely verbal, so he talks CONSTANTLY. After awhile it gets really annoying, but whatcha gonna do? Anyways i wanted to say keep up the work and you now have another person that follows your blog!
Thanks so much for this, totally agree! I'm finding it hard to come to terms with the recent diagnosis of our lovely 3-yr old boy as I worry so much about his future, this has really helped me to be more cheerful and positive.
I love seeing articles like this =) My daughter is 6 non-verbal but communicates. I always tell people the one thing my daughter has showed me is all the little things we take for granted when we have kids. We are trying to teach them to be little adults most of the time. We play ball in the house. Blow bubbles in the house. Eat on the floor. Have Cocoa Krispies for dinner. I just said last night I think she has taught me more than I have taught her. While it's important to be a good parent I think we lose sight that we are not just their parents but their best friends too. =)
Anne Herman
Let's see:
Jumping: Off the sofa onto the floor or onto a beanbag chair, off of the top of the slide at the playground, out of trees, etc… My son is a serious "crasher" and it feels good and relaxes him. so he pretty much can always jump!
Eating: He has eating issues, so whatever he wants to eat, pretty much he can have. if we're passing a dunkin donuts, yes, he can have one. See a wawa? What can i get you? 5 cookies? yes. 10 cookies? yes. chips? yes. Ice cream (yay-loaded with calories!) whatever will get calories into him is a good thing!
Cursing: he also has tourette's and is nearly impossible to control the words. and we are working on controlling aggression now, so if he uses his words instead…well….then in a skewed sense, that's a good thing!
So glad I found your blog (thru a connection on a FB page Oklahoma Autism Spectrum & Sensory Group… someone shared about being able to possible use a handicap parking permit… anyway, that brought me to your blog. Loved reading your list of things you let your child do. My son is verbal so I feel very blessed.. but still on the spectrum. What I liked about your post is the reality check… getting dirty at the park, jumping in a puddle, eating with your hands (I struggle with that one, not sure why, guess because he is 11 I assume he should be better with utensils, but he prefers his hands)… you are right and thank you for helping me reevaluate- does it matter, really. If it makes him happy… Anyway, thank you enjoyed the post.
Kelle from OK
My autistic son (8yrs old) loves to dance in the movie theater! It's the cutest thing! Yes we get crazy looks. Guess who doesn't care what the other parents think?? Ha! I take him to the movie theaters that serve dinner in the theater so it's roomier. We sit in the last row and have a blast! Now my 2yr old daughter dances right along with him!
Thank you children's movies for the awesome music. Nothing brings a smile to his face and mine quicker than a cartoon movie with music.
FYI check out Studio Movie Grill in your area. They offer special needs showings once a month. Children are free and adults are only $5!
Love it… I have 2 with autism, and I do what works for them, despite the horror and remarks from friends and family. My only response to their comments … "my children have autism &…. and your child has??? so how did you raise the perfect child? that usually ends it. My kids have to live in two worlds, so the rules are different for them… and it works for them.
love it! I'm a parent of a, what'd you call it? NT? anyway I enjoy having my son do exactly you are letting your son do! Pick your battles 🙂 We say that often. Our son is a true gift and we waited 13 long years for him to be here and enjoying having him do those activities most parents say no too. Puddle jumping or should I say, "swimming." my favorite….
You sound like an awesome dad! Your son is very lucky to have you. 🙂
Hello, My name is Linda (that's my real name 🙂 ) and we live in Belgium.I also have a nine year old little boy with autism and so much of what you say sounds familiar. I follow your facebook updates, and enjoy every single one of them. I just have to say this : you are wonderful !!!! Kyle could not have come to a better family. you and your wife are angels.
My son is going on 6. He has autism & disruptive defiant disorder. The autism doesn't cause nearly as many problems as the disruptive defiance!
We had to rearrange seating in our van this weekend and now Adam sits directly behind me. He has discovered that my seat makes an excellent footrest. I tell him its ok as long as he stays off of my head.
He regularly skates through the house on his rollerblades.
Blowing bubbles in his drink with a straw – like I told my 13yo, at least he's not spitting on people this way.
He gets preference for the tv, orimarily when
Love this post. I am not your typical parent. My daughter is 8 years old (Aspergers, SPD, APD) and has done all of the above except coffee (can not take the smell) or jump on her bed (does not sleep in one, sleeps on floor in a dinosaur tent). Her and I have jump in our basement in a very large bouncer. We have had cake for breakfast. We splash the puddles together. I will even walk around the table with her during meals so she does not feel alone. Love it.
I love this! My 10 yr old son is mild ASD and I have two NT girls. I have NEVER understood the uptight mothers who do not let their kids get dirty.. With all the modern conveniences to clean them up.. WHY NOT?!? It is an experience for them. They will remember that as they get older… "mom never let me get dirty" or "My mom was cool! She stomped in the mud puddles with us!" as "The Frizz" says… "Take chances! Make mistakes! Get messy!" My son is a picky eater like yours… There are days he will ONLY eat chili or lettuce with Blue Cheese dressing and croutons… That is what vitamins are for.. right? His "coffee" is a cup of "coolie" (chocolate milk) in the morning.
My husband and I completely adore our almost 4yo son with ASD (non-verbal), and we are of the same mind as you – we have 5 older children and were the same (perhaps a little harder) but kids are meant to be kids, so LET THEM! Our eldest is 19 tomorrow and we couldn't be prouder and guess what?? We have never smacked him or used physical discipline and he has grown up AWESOME. Our littlest man Charlie (ASD) can pretty much do what he wants so long as it's safe. We figure that if he could speak and explain to us WHY he is doing it and WHY it makes him happy to jump or smear poop around then he would but he can't. So we need to follow his lead, keep him safe and try to deter the more disfunctional behaviour (the poop smearing) and let the rest slide. There IS a reason for it, but we just don't know what it is… I am a new liker to your Page/Blogs and really enjoy your loving and matter of fact approach to your child's ASD. I wouldn't trade my Charlie for a "typical" child anyway – he is perfect just the way he is!
Mel, Charlie sounds very cute. We have had to deal with the poop issue as well although my son is verbal and fairly mild, he will smear it on the walls next to the toilet and on the window sill.. fun! I do make him clean it up though.
We let our son do everything you listed except number 7: we have not offered coffee and number 10: he has limited language. But yes I agree I let my son do a lot of stuff that a parent of a NT child would not. Oh well… For me I pick my battles. 🙂
Hey there. Love your blog, big fan. Just wanted to make a quick suggestion and having a child with autism myself, i'm sure you understand I dont have the time to scroll through all of the comments to see if someone has already suggested it. Just curious if you've tried caffeine free coffee? Food and drinks are a huge motivator for a lot of ASD kids. Our OT's and ST's encourage it. But no reason for you to endure an already overstimulated child with the added bonus of a caffeine high LOL. Just a thought, and might I add I'm so jealous that your son will ride in the cart, ours absolutely refuses now. He HAS to walk and assert his independence, but I'm constantly freaking out about where he is and worried he'll walk off, and because he knows very little speech, he , of course, couldn't recite his phone number or anything. Anyway, looking forward to your next read, as is my husband (he's all into your blog now, I think it's nice to hear from a Daddy point of view, most especially one who doesn't claim to be a perfect parent.
Julie W.
Julie, When my son feels the need to assert his independence and "walk" we have two ways to deal with it, 1- my dad made up ID cards he can wear on a lanyard, it has his name my name and phone and Autistic on it. We mostly use them for school – they have student Info on them – but they are great for "large strange places" (like Wal-Mart) and 2. have them hold the side of the cart (if they can it will make "mom" more comfortable) we also use the "car carts" where available – my son barely fits in them anymore and cant understand why is 22 year old sister cant get in and "drive" with him – but my 17 year old will try to squeeze in lol. I also use the motorized carts and "let him sit in my lap to drive" (mostly he stands in front of me, but it keeps him close and lets him "control" some of where we go).
I love this list – we do them all too. I knew my son had finally found the perfect teacher when I went in for his conference and learned that one of the "rewards" was that the teacher & my son run up and down the hallways for 5 minutes. We are big fans of running in the hallways. If you ever get to take a cruise, they have really long hallways – we ran down them every day. =) ~Wendy
I am an Autism Mom – my son is non-verbal still 🙁 at age 16.
My son has been drinking coffee for years! My pot automatically shuts off after 2 hours so if there is any coffee left in the pot he will finish it! I started just pouring him half a cup for every cup I take several years ago thinking if he tasted it while hot he would learn that is the way coffee is supposed to be. But he still drinks it cold, straight from the carafe every time he gets.
Petty much every one of these hits the mark. You have to pick your battles.
About the only thing maybe I could add is: "Let him stim", not excessively of course, but if it will help or if a stim object can be used as a motivator let him do it. In the car I have plastic shower curtain rings stuck together that click when he shakes them. My purse is filled with some long lengths of ribbon and a couple dollar store bead necklaces for the shopping trip fidget if needed. The ribbon is cut from spools; great because it does not weigh anything, can easily be shoved in a purse or pocket and does not matter if it gets lost. Oh, also great for doctor office waiting rooms and exam rooms 🙂
Lisa H.
Hi Lisa & Everyone,
I am so happy to see all of these kids being coffee drinkers. My son's nuerologist suggested coffee for my older son who is ADHD. He has coffee, cream sugar and all on mornings of test days and does really well on his tests. The Doc said that coffee has a calming affect on kids and as we all know they could use a good dose of calm every once in a while.
Great group, love you all,
Chris
Hello Autism Daddy,
My name is Chris and I have an atutistic son too. I know medication is usually a last resort, but I wanted to let you know that my son never ate either until we put him on abilify for his ticks and mood swings it increased his appetite ten fold. He is 11 now and eats us out of house and home. He wants to be a Chef.
Your a great Dad and your son is lucky to have you.
Take care,
Chris
We recently went to visit my in-laws for ten days. My 3 yr old who is autistic was jumping on beds, couches, chairs, etc. Grandma kept telling her to stop. My daughter started acted differently-she was not happy and seemed to be full of angst. Finally I just explained to Granny that she NEEDS the sensory input. She NEEDS to jump. She NEEDS to crash. She said she just worried about her falling and hurting herself. I told her that was a risk I was willing to take (she never has injured herself yet/knock on wood!) I just couldn't stand to see my daughter be so uncomfortable.
We have a really cool trampoline in our front room that has sides all the way up it. She jumps to her heart's content in there. It's a "Bounce-N-Learn Interactive Kids Trampoline by Skywalker, 55" Round" It was the best $79 I have ever spent. I am often heard telling her to go and "Jump it out!" I can just tell when she is needing sensory input. She starts getting cranky and it seems as if she can't stand to be in her own skin. Jumping always seems to make her feel better.
Oh yes, and it's Little Debbie Oatmeal Cream Pies for breakfast for our girl. Some people have made rude comments about us allowing her to eat so much junk but she'd starve to death otherwise. She gets a multivitamin and is as healthy as a horse!
I try not to care what judgmental buttheads think of us. It's my girl and what she needs to be happy. That's all this momma cares about!
my 8yr old son is also non-verbal and classed as having server ASD, and yes i total agree he gets away with all the above unlike his brother or sister. The joy of seeing him smile throws out any "correct" parenting rules. from kelly,in england
Totally loved this post! I was bought up very strictly and had similar expectations for my own kids. The first year of parenting we had a very strict routine and way of doing everything…it was exhausting and unrealistic for us. I stopped judging other parents for the way they bought up their kids as I was finding myself doing "whatever works" at times just to get through the day just like they did! my son in now 2yrs 7mths and we have just got an ASD diagnosis. Not that this changes much of the way we treat him at home. Most of the things on your list are "normal"in our house too. Especially jumping in puddles. Our front yard gets the most awesome puddles and when ever it is warm enough I let him out there and get all muddy and wet. He loves it so much and I get so much joy out of watching him so thoroughly happy 🙂 sleeping is another big one for us. He is a terrible sleeper at the moment. we often let him stay up late or sleep in or have 4 hours day sleeps because that is the only way we can get him to have enough sleep. We let him spend "too much" time on the ipad because some days that is the only way I can get through the day with him. I say pick your battles, and do whatever works for your child and your family and who cares what others say (although it does hurt). We are just in the beginning of this journey, I intend to give my son the best opportunities to learn, grow and be happy as possible. As long as it isn't harming him or others does it really matter??
Desma
Australia
I have 3 sons with Autism, two are nonverbal and one is echolalic with no conversational speech. I agree with all 12 and would like to add I also allow my sons to stay on the computer for hours at a time because one it keeps them occupied watching Disney videos and being able to control it, fast forward and rewind freely, and two it makes them happy and brings them joy so why not. But I realize NT parents would frown upon this!
Lori Storms Collins
Visalia Ca
I agree with these. Between trying to just allow for a moments peace without the battle, and wanting your kid to have fun like any NT kid, These are really important. It may not make me mom of the year, but my daughter is happy and healthy and that's all that matters.
My oldest has autism and I wanted to add a couple of our own. He's three and we're incredibly lucky. He has few meltdowns, he's really social, and he's very happy and bright (he's learning to read/spell)
1 Point at everything! For years my son wouldn't point. He's also visually impaired so he used his entire hand to indicate but never pointed. He's now pointing (Thank you, Ipad).
2 Play video games at the table in a restaurant (Again, apps on the ipad). It really helps him ignore the background noise and stops meltdowns so we can finish eating.
He's our boy. Usually we get the point and whisper treatment, but it's often followed by "That's such an interesting game" or something like that, to which we explain "It's an iPad in a fisher price case. We get the O_o for that, usually.
Breakfast is a walking and grazing meal here too! Love this list! You do definitely have to pick and choose your battles 🙂
I let my daughter correct adults.
Her mind works in a very logical progression. In school, when she has to turn in a paper, and they tell her, "wait, not right now"; her brain is going 'gotta turn it in gotta turn it in gotta turn it in' and she misses the whole rest of the class because she's been told that she HAS TO TURN IN THE PAPER AT THE BEGINNING OF CLASS. When they tell her 'not right now', nothing else happens in her mind until that entry is cleared.
So we let her correct adults who 'gum up the works' and she is encouraged by us and her therapists to stand up and say, "NO I *have to* turn this in NOW."
The byproduct of this is that she corrects ALL adults, and anyone that is wrong, and spits out whatever needs to be said "RIGHT NOW" with no waiting.
PFFT. Tact. Tact is for NTs. We don't do tact. Boring people do tact!
Every single one of these hits home. Especially the eating ones.
my mom thought the same thing about talking but my brother made up for the time he didnt talk to when he did start by playing 100tillion and 1 questions he could litterally sit there and talk and ask questions to you forever he wont get tired of it ever i want to put him in front of a polotician for an afternoon but id be afraid a war would start afterwords
I agree with anonymous@2:59. There's really no harm in most of these things – for the most part they are things that I'm sure we pretty much all let slide and maybe even encourage (splashing and jumping in puddles, oh yeah!) – except for the eating with fingers and running in the hallway. It's really not cool for someone to eat with their fingers or run wild. Seriously. And before y'all bite my head off, because I'm reading a little self righteousness from some folks, which is kind of funny because I'm pretty sure we are all parents of autistics, let me just say that I am the parent of a severely autistic ADULT (21 years old now) who was completely nonverbal and not potty trained for the first half of his life (he has limited expressive speech now but great receptive speech). I can tell you first hand that our precious adorable angels can grow up to be very big and strong willed people – and that ingrained behaviours are really hard to change. If we don't put expectations on our kids when they are younger and can best adapt it only gets harder for them when they are older. TRUST ME ON THIS! If your son is 6 feet tall and 200 pounds it will disgust people if he has bad table manners and if he runs everywhere he will scare people or get hurt. We're not always going to be there to protect them. We can't use autism as an excuse not to teach our kids appropriate social behaviors. It's hard, I know! So really, you are preaching to the choir if you write back and tell me it's hard. But if we want them to have the best shot at happiness in adulthood we have to teach them these things. By the way, this is an awesome blog.
Wow Frankie,
You make a ton of sense, and I am experiencing what you are talking about with my 11 year old son. He has outbursts and it is hard to calm him down. Before I could just hold him and help him slow his breathing and bring him back to being calm. Now, it isn't so easy to keep hold of him until he calms down. I appreciate you being the voice of wisdom and experience.
Chris
Glad to see this thread is still active.You have a great blog,I only discovered it yesterday.
It's interesting to see how many kids on the spectrum like coffee.I've seen that more than once.I discovered I loved it when I was seven years old.given all the health benefits that have been found from coffee,it's probably better than the crap in most juice boxes.
+1 for sleeping in the clothes you wore that day,and going around the house naked.
Stay up late and sleep in.. this is one of the things that allows my 25yo feel like he is in control of his own life. Now he is always in bed by midnight and up by 9. He makes some good decisions if I let him make mistakes.. Not much different then myself growing up:) My parents think its terrible but I dont care.
Sing out loud with headphones on. He like to go for walks around town and my husband and family say.. I should stop him from moving his hands and singing out loud but again… Why?… I would like to do that.. and he is getting exercise and enjoying himself.. I say let him, dance, sing, shout or whatever.. if he is doing something healthy, not hurting anyone and happy..leave it alone… I wish I could live in a place where acceptance was the standard and unconditional love was in all the hearts of those who were capable.
Yeah, I know how you feel. We've had to teach our daughter that "there are times and places where you can't" and she's generally able to hold it in until she's not in those places. Of course, we've limited the times we take her there, too.
And isnt it always with the headphones? Like, they wear them more than they don't? BTW…if he chews through the cords as often as my daughter…I recently bought a set of wireless ones, and she wears them ALL DAY. Of course, I had to put up with 2 weeks of "I can go all the way over here and still here my music"….and they are more expensive, but I'm only buying them once. Great for in the house, but not for around the neighborhood. (and yes, she walks the neighborhood alone too)
Like your son, my son does not eat well and has lost a lot of weight over time, its a roller coaster ride. Se he too gets to eat whatever weird combinations he wants and uses his hands. My husband wishes I'd reinforce the silverware more often, but Ive watched all his bones protrude for so long that I'll let him shovel the food in with his fists if that's easier for him to eat an adequate amount.
One thing that I allow him to do in public is stand in the rain – the parents at school pick up are rushing to get their kids safely under cover. They smile at him and dart crazy looks at me, but he loves the rain so! He takes off his rain coat and stands under the broken gutter so the rain can plop down on him and he just laughs and spins and jumps – and we leave with him completely soaked, then I have to dry his car seat when we get home. I've never been able to keep an umbrella over his head, and why would I want to when I so rarely get to see him so happy.
~Melanie,
mom to a 9 year Aspie girl and 7 year PDD boy.
People (like my mother) are always giving me crap for letting my daughter (not autistic) eat a different dinner than everyone else. She's below the 1st percentile for her weight and height so I say, "F*@k it." I'm barely keeping her alive at this point. I'll let her mac & cheese, as long as she eats. I don't have an extra 7 hours to sit around and wait for her to get hungry enough to eat the dinner I've prepared.
I am the father of a 14 year old son with Autism. He has his obsessions. TRAINS is a HUGE one. We have been train watching since he was 5. We go every Sunday morning, Monday evening to watch the local Sounder Commuter trains come through and he rides The Sounder from Tacoma to Seattle and back every Friday evening for the past 4 years. The whole Sounder team (Engineers, Conductors, Security, Station Agents…etc) have embraced and love Ryan as much as he does of them. It has be the BEST socialization technique for him, as most of the people there love trains too!
I let him obsess about time too. Yeah, it gets exhausting sometimes about getting a time update every 5 minutes sometimes. And I'm talking a time update from a major city in each time zone! So, that's 24 times every 5 minutes. So, there's the good and the bad there. He knows all his time zones!! WOO HOO! He knows a ton of major cities and countries! WOO HOO!! Since he is obsessed about time, I don't need to get him to get ready for bed at 7:50pm every night. He does that all on his own. However, if I am more than a few seconds late to come read with him, "Daddy gets a good talking too!" lol..
The good with the bad, knowing which battles to fight and are worth winning and which ones where you just go "Oh to heck with it! He's (she) is happy! And nobody is going to get hurt or killed doing it!"
Pick and choose your battles wisely friends! It makes life for the parents AND the kids 100% happier and better!
thats what I was thinking some of those points lime the playground or puddles or the pool are made for those things its like your not letting your child be a kid and dirt washes right out its fine.
Hi my name is Veronica. My 3 year old is a sweet little girl recently diagnosed with Autism. I absolutely hate when parents look at me crazy or with irritation when I'm doing something "wrong." My daughter rides in the cart (she's still small enough to fit in the seat so she sits there) and we always take books and get her an icee to keep her quiet. On days when she wants to walk she does and if we have to stop so she can do her finger wagging in the middle of an aisle I oblige her much to others disdain. She's barely going to be 4 but I can see we'll have a bit of a battle ahead of us. Not just with her but with people. Unfortunately for them we're just doing what we do because hey it's all about her. 🙂
I think the one thing I let her do that I don't let my other children do is be ridiculously loud. She is loud, she screams, shrieks, cries, yells (happy and mad) and mimics what I say… very very loudly. But we're encouraging the speech so we let her. Oh, and when she dresses herself (because heaven help us if I make her wear what I pick out) I don't care if she goes out wearing the most ridiculous outfit ever, if she wants it she can wear it. 🙂
I do not have a child with autism. I know a little about it because my daughter is a music therapist, and I have friends that have children with autism. I'm happy to read this, though, for a different reason than those sharing the same experience. It reminds me how far we have come from my own childhood. We gone so far, as a society in general, toward keeping everyone safe, and clean, and perfect that many people learn to be afraid to try anything. And many parents opt for the television or computer over anything they'll have to help clean up. I think next time it rains I'll go find a puddle to jump into myself.
One summer, my 11 yr old autistic son, Kyle was afraid to touch snakes and frogs. I'm a mom and don't like these things either…But I can't have my SON afraid! So I picked up my first snake and we took it in the house to show his dad. OK dad was not impressed and yelled at us. Perhaps this is part of why we're now divorced…! lol
But the neighbor was proud when MY SON carried it to her house! This was the summer of all things living. FROGS, SNAKES, BUGS, WORMS….everything was awesome and a new play thing for my son! I love my little buddy and all his silly quirks!
I must say that growing up mexican has trained me to believe that eating with your hands is the only way to eat and honestly everything else was and still is my life at times so I would do the same with my child too no matter if my child is unique, challenged or even vanilla if I am unlucky as long a the child is happy, safe , secure , and loved all will be well
I will never forget the one and only time my daughters teacher took me aside and very proudly announce she had to tell her off for talking in class!!! I was sooo excited and proud – it was a wonderful achievment!…. I love to sing and dance around the house but my kids wont have a bar of it, in fact they hate it… I love to see my kids laugh and relax in thier own skins so I try to encourage wacky silly behaviour anywhere almost anytime and often its things like breaking those unspoken rules like jumping in puddles and getting dirty…love it! Louise
I let my kids play with sticks outdoors, as long as they don't aim at people. I always hear parents yelling, "Drop that stick NOW!!!" One time a playground parent grabbed a stick from her child, who had just grabbed the stick from my child, and I said to the parent, "Can my son have his stick back now, please?" The look on that parent's face was priceless.
1) Ice Cream is not just for dessert.
We crush our meds and put it in a scoop of ice cream. A scoop of ice cream to put my autistic giant in a good mood before he boards the school bus. A scoop of ice cream because with autism, isn't life just hard enough anyway?
2) Stimming
Stimm all you want at home son ( the favorite stimming is connecting straws in a line…..his record is 17 )………straws are so much cheaper than a XBOX! LMFAO! BUT>>>>>>>> when you leave the house you are condemmed to one straw! Sorry son, if your regular older brother has rules, so do you!
3) Teeth…..
Ok, i promise not to force you to brush your teeth monday through friday cause I know it's on your IEP and i know you do it at least twice in school……with everything else mommy deals with, lets hope Mommy remembers to brush them on saturday and sunday
LMFAO. Im sure there is much more, but when you live and breathe autism, how can we remember anything? 🙂
oh and here's one of the weird ones:
4) Nose….
For some reason as long as it's in our own house, the autistic giant LOVES to look up my nose……..it's somewhere boarder line of affection……….crack me up to the point i want to pee my pants, but hey, if he cant verbalize "I LOVE YOU MOM"……..i'll take ANY SIGN of affection as im concerned…..
in public? i'll try not to laugh loud……but he does try to do it EVERYWHERE………..
So comforting to read about the same type of things we are dealing with our 7 yr old. it is reassuring to know we are not the only ones out there struggling or trying to keep a little bit of a sense of humor. It can be isolating. I am glad you post & blog. All you parents I have so much respect for you I know how hard you work. Katherine.
Oh yes–I did all of these things even BEFORE autism. I never saw the need for ridiculous rules that make no sense and get in the way of fun.
Except the running. In our case, we have to teach him to walk because everywhere it's run run run! But I'm not strict about it. I probably should be….
I do have to say that I live in the most fabulous place to have a child with autism: Portland, Oregon! Never ever encountered a problem with people judging us or making rude comments. There is some staring sometimes, but that's to be expected. Once I explain about the autism to people who ask, they nod with understanding and ask if I need help. I'm telling you people, MOVE HERE.
Thanks for Sharing!:D
I'm glad that you wrote this.
Sitting in the cart was the one that really resonated with me.
Now, she's borderline too big to fit, and I let her spin or make "snow angels" on the linoleum floor. Ah, yes, that's the way for a parent to get the admiration of strangers, ain't it? It keeps her quiet and happy, and if they ever saw the alternative, they'd thank me.
I have a friend whose kid was in her cart and he started to melt down and she quickly gave him the One Thing That Always Works — Mountain Dew — and a woman in line behind her scolded her b/c of the caffeine and sugar, and for rewarding such a naughty boy.
I am so impressed with the restraint that my friend showed, but she certainly did have a few words for the nosy lady….
God bless you, I say.
Bobbi Sheahan
http://www.bobbisheahan.com
We sit in the cart as well. But there are times when a cart isn't available, so he sits in the floor and spins, right? One time my husband was standing next to our son, spinning in the floor, a lady walks up to our son and tries to tell him to get up! My husband said the only reason he didn't punch her in the face was that she had to have been 80 years old! lol!!!
These are great and my son, who is also diagnosed does ALL of them. French Toast sticks are usually sent for lunch at school:) He had his first T-ball practice the other day and while other parents where telling their "typical" kids to get into ready position, keep their eye on the ball…..I am on the field just trying to keep my kid ON the field. 🙂
Tara
Way to go dad! I do not have a child with Autism but I have worked with children that do. The "pick your battles" mentality is sometimes the only way to go. And weather your child has Autism or nor, childhood goes by way to quickly. Water can be mopped up, clothes and bodies can be cleaned as well as messes. Who cares if your kid gets dirty? As far as the coffee, caffine has a calming effect for many kid's like yours, including ADD and ADHD. I have used this with some of the kid's that I have worked with when meds were forgotten by parents or if they just weren't working. The child calms down and they get a treat as well.
Love Ann Peace
Megan
Dear Autism Daddy: I just discovered your blog spot today, and while I haven't read your every post, I've read enough to heave a giant sigh of relief. We also have a an 8/yo boy with autism, and your words…your thoughts….the way you express yourself with such honesty and candor…..somehow, you make me feel like it's all going to be alright (with enough coffee and Bon Jovi, that is!). THANK YOU for your time and generosity – for the rest of us! Anonymous DFWTrixie
Autism daddy, has anyone told you that they love you? I do, well, your posts anyway.
Hi!! Im Devin, a SAHM to two. Im a little late replying as I just read this today but I have to say, we do all but number 7, mostly because Alex doesn't like coffee lol. Alex was nonverbal until he was 6 so I understand the frustration. he is slowly starting to talk now and he's almost 7. My daughter (who's 4) is NT so I know both sides of the coin. I let her do what he does simply because its not fair to let him do something and not let her do it too.
Hi,my name is Sonya and my son Cameron is 10. I love your post…I firmly believe a kid needs to be a kid! I have as much fun with my son to try to get him to experience all of those things every kid should. In my opinion you are doing a fabulous job and thank you so much, now I know other parents feel like I do about many things:-)By the way, LOVE the video, too cute:-)
Thanks for posting this. As a mom of both NT kids and one Autistic one I applaud you and agree with you. We pick our battles more carefully with our ASD kid than we do with our NT ones. I know the value of letting him learn through things better by action. Way to go is what I say:} ~Leslie
I say, let kids be kids, they are not little adults, they are immature and FUN. I was the aunty who always let my nieces and nephews jump on my bed cuz I knew they weren't allowed to at home. Life is for living, not controlling. I teach my ASD kids manners for outside the home but at home, almost anything goes unless it upsets other people in the house. Kudo's to you for posting this. Let the lame-asses over-control their kids until they rebel hardily. My boys will be just fine because of what I let them do, not because of what I don't let them do.
I am raising my four year old grandson who has an ASD. I would not trade a moment with him for the world. He has taught so much about what is and is not important in life. A clean house, nice, but not important. Three meals a day at the table on time, nice, but still not important. What is important is that he his happy, healthy, and safe. I strive everyday for those three things. He sits on my bed and eats popcorn and watches a movie (that he has probably watched a million times). He eats sunbutter and jelly sandwiches for breakfast, lunch, and dinner some days. He loves to ride the bus to school and see his friends. He walks, climbs, and runs. He laughs and plays. He also screams, melts down, runs from me, and displays other behaviors that are "typical" for ASDs. No matter how tough some days can seem, he is my rainbow. He shows me what life is all about….being happy and together!
Autistic child is still a child and I've learned by experience that a child needs love, limits, discipline, consistency and routine to feel safe and happy. I think is a mistake to let any child to do whatever he/she want, specially when you consider that you are raise a kid to live in the world (with all stupid rules) and parents unfortunally will not live forever.
I think that unless you have a child with an ASD in your life, you will NEVER understand when we say "we let them do what they want". It does not mean that we are raising children to deliberately disrespect order and rules, we are allowing them self expression. NT kids "learn" to express themselves in ways that their parents FEEL is appropriate. As a NT adult, if someone had asked me as a child if I felt restrained in my self expression, my answer would have been a resounding YES. I did what was expected and tried hard not to "embarrass" my family.
Another point I would like to make to you is this, some of our kids will never live in the world that you live in. Some ASD kids will not grow up and develop into what you probably consider "a full functioning adult" who participates in society, works, pays taxes, and votes. We all want those things for our kids, and if our kids are able to "participate" in your society we will teach them the skills they need. However, they are KIDS, let them be kids.
I didn't read through all the comments so I apologize if I'm repeating someone's previous post but I would like to add to that list. Something that I let my son do that I know most parents cringe at is that I let him write on our walls. We can't break him of the habit as we don't bother trying. He learns how to write, it's good hand eye coordination and on some occasions, it'll end up looking like awesome artwork.
I live in a rental and my son LOVES to write on the walls – but our landlord FROWNS on it greatly – BUTCHER PAPER and BULLETIN BOARD PAPER are the greatest things ever – a couple of thumb tacks and/or sticky poster tack – cover all the walls with the paper and you can put up colors too – which is equally great if your landlord wont let you paint 😉 let them draw till their hearts content and then you can take it down and frame it for "art" or just change it out when you need "clean canvas" 😉 plus you never have to "cover over or erase" your child's creations. (it started out as a ream on copy paper taped to the walls – but a teacher suggested the bulletin board rolls) lin
My ASD son loves to get big mouthfulls of pool water and spit it in amazingly long arcs. I know it's horribly antisocial, but he loves it so. And there's really no way to stop him short of not going swimming. We try to hit the pool when it's unpopulated.
i do not have a child with autism but i do have a child who is severly motor and speach delayed and still considered a failure to thrive child at 2.5….i will let her eat what she wants when she wants…..we work on jumping and she cant stand grass or puddles but if she did we would be jumping in them….as for getting dirty i have a washe and dryer and theres the tub too….there are things that i allow hwer to do that my other 4 "normal" functioning children arent allowed to do…..we as paarents do need to pick our battles and if that means letting them run naked then so be it…i love my children and the rest of the world can be pissed off but as long as my kids are healthy and happy thats all that matters to me
-amanda mom of 5
My children aren't even autistic (my nephew is however, that is why I read your posts and can find the humor in them) and I let them do well over half of the things you let your autistic son do. It's all part of being a kid and enjoying it!
I feel you missed one more? How about putting on some dance music. I put on jump from house of pain. When they say jump he jump with me. I also put some other music on and dance with him some time dance or rock music and dance away with him he really enjoys it. Beside when do they get a break from all the stress of the out side world. Also at school he is welcome to walk the halls in school but not to run because he a runner. As for hand free eating is some what changing to eating with fork and spoon after many times of handling with parasites.
Hi, i think you are one amazing dad!!!! My 16 yr old has ADHD and some ASD traits, functions better as he gets older, when he was younger he did not speak until he was five or sleep until he was seven, as long as he was not hurting himself or anyone else we stayed up with him, when he learnt to talk we listened and when he ran, wr ran with him, we jumped in puddles with him and soaked him with water guns, it neva hurt him and he lesrnt to play socially, please dont stop enjoying your child and meva stop being an amazing dad xx
My son eats with his fingers, plays in the mud, climbs up and on everything, crawls under beds, hides in cupboards, jumps on beds, rolls around in the sheets…….drives me crazy, but isnt this the behaviour of 'normal' 6 yr olds? I totally appreciate where he's coming from – its so much fun. However we have had to put a stop to things, like turning on taps, ripping open packets of flour and sugar, ripping clothes from the line, throwing sand into the house, knocking over vases. Thankfully he thinks packing everything away or tidying up is a game so he has fun either way. TAKP
I can relate so much my boy eats with his fingers(have you tried it eating really is so much more fun and less dishes too:) ) so alot of the time we all eat with our fingers, he always runs everywhere at full throttle and usually naked so our neighbours are always getting an eyeful but hey with our 36 degree days here in australia i run around the yard naked too(the back one hes likes to be out the front). Our little man is very verbal and extremely loud hes loves to go to the pool spin around in circles with his arms stretched out and anyone around him will get wet as his Daddy said the other day at the pool(after a frown from a fellow swimmer) if you dont want to get wet why are you at the pool? And god forbid if your a little overweight or have a bit of a bootie he will let you know and anyone around you too. He might also try to slap you (thank god for quick thinking daddy who can anticipate his every move lol and a very understanding lady who admits with an arse like mine im not surprised.) He has a hard time not telling it like it is very straight forward and honest if there were more people like this im sure the world would be a better place but i do realise this could get him into trouble as he gets older esp if people arent aware of his autism we are working on it but when you take him out of his comfort zone into the unknown as we all know this is what will set off these behaviours there is always going to be a reaction of some sort. My son shines in school in a structed environment and has wonderful aides and supports in place to help him at the moment the holidays are upsetting his routine so we have all the quirks in full swing this is usual he will conform back to societys rules once hes back at school but when hes with his family hes free to be himself. I remember not so long ago my absolute dismay when he started telling everyone and everything to SHUT UP how will he cope in the world i would say to my bloke then all of a sudden it stopped i breathed a sigh of relief (it was just a phase) hold up next day FUCKWIT and this one stuck it hasnt gone away and i have learnt that humanity has alot more wrong with it than one little boy saying something that might be seen as offensive maybe our rules and society should be changed to suit our babies not the other way around there not being bad just truthful most of the time and if you learn to chill the simple things in life become the best My son has taught me so much and opened my eyes and for that i am thankful and yes its hard and yes it suks and sometimes i feel i could cry a river but i always remember to laugh a rainbow.
Awesome post! I love the honesty and I think you are doing a great job! My child has Spina Bifida and Hydrocephalus. She has gone through 16 surgeries in her 5 years and is the happiest kid. She's never been a big eater. It wasn't until she was almost 3 that I got her to eat any form of meat. In fact, the baby foods, all she would eat was the fruits, squash and carrots. Absolutely nothing else. The few things she has always eaten are cheese, yogurt and milk. I once asked the doctor about her weight gain issues and she said if you are worried, then instead of the yogurt sometimes, switch it for pudding. I know some parents would be appalled. As you said, it's about picking battles. Do you want them to eat and thrive or not eat and starve. It's not like I let her site and eat pudding all day. If you keep forcing, they won't eat at all. I also agree on the element of changing your views of what is necessary for the children to learn. My 3yr old has surpased my 5 yr old in learning but it's only encouraged her to try harder. She plays teacher and teaches him. She has a full-time assistant in school and is doing great. The daycare integrates her in such a fashion that she is "Isabel" to them, not "special". I want grand things for her, I am a parent, but I also know she is not going to be a doctor or rocket scientist, but who cares. What's important is letting them explore, letting them learn and LOVING them for who they are at this moment in time. That is how they will grow.
My granddaughter is 12. The last couple years have been very difficult for her, thanks to puberty. She speaks, but mostly to herself, or when she really wants something. She loves music and it is played anytime she wants it, and usually the same song over and over for a long time. SHe has a mp3 and it is usually set on the same song all the time she is wearing it. We go out and play in puddles or just walk in the rain, when it is safe (no thunder or lightening) and warm enough. She eats with utensils, most of the time, but is quite the messy bessy! She loves dipping almost anything in cheese or ranch and I showed her how to dip her Ritz in applesauce. She takes LONG showers and usually sits in the bottom and lets the water build up to splash and play. Her mom and I are working on 'social' skills, as is the school. We will try to get her to be 'socially' acceptable, but not at the cost of making her unhappy or uncomfortable. She is different, and that is what makes her her. We allow her to be herself and try to add skills along the way. She doesnt like bouncing, by herself, but will sit someplace and let someone else bounce her! We hope someday she will have the balance and confidence to do it by herself. Keep being the daddy your son needs. That is all he needs at this point. Other things will come and times will change. Blessings to all!
Hello…my lil guy will be 5 shortly he speaks…very loud…for the most part this is aloud unless he is in my ear lol…also he is a jumper also he has a love seat in the toy room that is on its last legs…I dont mind because he knows that is what it is for..Like everyone has said you take the bad with the good and pick your battles…and currently he has no DX just ADHD with possible high functioning autism…but they have told me here that he is to young to do the testing for it.
I have read all your comments, and have taken in what you have all said. But have you once asked yourself, how will my child live in this world with no learning skills. And how will he or she, lesion to, and have a good life when I'm no longer here. If we don't try to teach our kids then they will always have the disability, when they are adults with no skills of living a good life and treated as such. Where will your child be then. Teaching real life things is the best way, but don't use there disability to stop you from good teaching
As the above stated – We think about the long haul far more than parents of "NT" kids probably ever will – we may not be saving up for college, but for funds to make sure our kids are cared for if something does happen to us. Our Kids may seem to get by with "everything" but I have found in letting them be kids, I can work in "social skills" to some extent – although it might be better to call them survival skills. My son can use a computer and can IM his siblings. He can push the MOM button on the phone and call me or his grandmother.(same for other siblings) He can make a sandwich and get a drink of water from the cooler in the fridge. He makes a huge mess doing so, but he can get something to eat. He even knows how to feed the dog and cat (way too much – but they get fed) … Our kids grow up with a sense of ACCOMPLISHMENT in being able to do these small things – where most of the NT kids I have dealt with in the last few years have grown up with a sense of ENTITLEMENT! Mom will buy me clothes Dad will GIVE me a car and a phone- I WANT an XBOX so I will get it from grandma… I can go to college or get a job because I can/want to or wont go because I dont – and better I dont have to work cause my parents will take care of me! These kids may have "life skills" but that doesnt mean they will ever choose to use them because they think someone is gonna hand it to them because they got As in school or were the big athlete on the team. MY AUTISTIC son knows that his reward for getting a Satisfactory on a test is that he gets to work on the computer or help make his favorite food (mac &cheese) HE may not be college material in the future, but I think that I like most autistic parents – not only looks far into the future when they are 20 30 40 or 50 years old and we are gone – and JUST hope they can survive whether on their own or with "help" and we do all we can to make sure that those safety nets will be in place should anything happen to us… MORESO than NT parents that just assume their kids will be fine – ARE YOU PREPARED for your children to live without you if you have a stroke/heart attack/ or car wreck tomorrow? Have you thought about the LONG HAUL? or do you just assume because you have a normal child they will be fine if you died? WE DO THINK ABOUT IT – for OUR AUTISTIC KIDS AND OUR NT KIDS BOTH! We prepare them to watch out for each other when we can -and we try to make sure we can be around as long as possible. My brother is a genius (literally) but as my mom says he has no common sense, I had trouble with learning, and health issues – so I learned to adapt -and overcome and survive! My autistic son and his brother(s) (who I believe are on the spectrum but my Ex would never allow me to get them diagnosed) will be there for each other if nothing else, they will get jobs (fitting their skills- even if it is SORTING items into piles of like objects!) – BECAUSE THAT Is something they excel at! As Autistic Parents – we REJOICE in what our kids can do – and encourage them to be all they can and more… we allow them to express themselves as they are and not impair their growth by restricting and demeaning them for not conforming. Perhaps Evolution is trying to TEACH the world a lesson – why else would the number of Autistic kids be increasing – they see the world differently – they live in it differently and only those of us that get to glimpse into their world can truly see all the possibilities of the future – IN THE LONG HAUL! WE should all be as loving accepting and tolerant of others as autistic kids are of the world – and even if we dont like those around us – Maybe we should all flap around and ignore those that we dont like 🙂 or at least jump in a puddle!
Yeah. I see your point. Well, not really. Walk in any one of our shoes for a month and you can think about judging us on teaching our kids life skills. Every thing we do, no matter how silly it sounds is to get to a goal of some sort of life skill. We can't expect a child to cook or eat if the texture of items used to do that make their skin crawl. You can't expect an ASD kid to have a job if they can't even care for themselves. Would you expect a blind child to draw a flawless picture for you? THAT IS EXACTLY HOW RIDICULOUS YOU SOUND!
Today my 14 year old Autistic son rode his 3 wheel bike for the first time. He actually used the pedals and even started to steer it for the first time. EVER!!
The joy in his squeals and the big smile on his face filled my heart with joy and pride. My son was enjoying being a kid. His favorite part? Riding full tilt through the mud puddles! So don't try to tell us that we haven't thought about the long haul. The long haul scares the hell out of us daily. Sometimes you have to try to live in their world. Sometimes you have to enjoy what others see as silly or unimportant…things that are huge for our kids, things that are important life skills. Sometimes just making it through a day in a world that looks down their noses at you is all we can do.
Andrea =-) Absolutely, people look at Liam and I like we are nuts because if he hears a siren or decides there is a great echo where we are I go with it. Its great to hear his voice in any matter. 1-12 I'm with you =0) I'd probably add, if he points at it he gets it 99% of the time — this has been a long sought after skill that he is starting to grasp so its hard to say no
Keep up the good work Dad, you are awesome!!
brillantly written as usual with great insight and understanding. our daughter emily has extreme sensory,has tactile problems and asd but as you said in your post let them have fun and join in and have fun as well my wife and i love to encourage our daughter to do these things.except jumping on the bed because of ceiling fan so we put a mini tramp beside her bed. if we didnt change our style of parenting we wouldnt have the success of her playing in the sand pit, walking on the grass,both bare foot,running under the sprinkler.jumping in puddles both muddy and just water.finger painting. we acheived this by doing these things until she was comfortable enough to join in(took roughly 2years)but worth it.we let her ride in the trolley at the supermarkets as well.were always watching that she does it safely and take note if she does something different to see how she has progress things that are taken for granted by nt's and their parents are special moments for us.we use what ever works to acheive these things.thanks autism daddy for this blog it helps by giving great ideas and a way to talk to other parents of asd kids.from ray.
Just lost my whole comment trying NOT to post anonymously. Ugh!! Sorry to sound so dumb but none of the profiles below are familiar to me. Can anyone help? Cathy
loved this post related to much of the 12 in article- Not to be over-specific I do whatever it takes to keep my (asd spd) 7 year old son and I living as joyfully as possible. He is loved and self-esteemed thus far so that is my biggest job/duty. He keeps me in the present moment which keeps things more doable. I allow him more school days off than if he were NT, but school produces more stress/anxiety for him…Most days we are fortunate to have run rather smoothly.
My son is now 19, Asperger's, Dyslexic, Dyspraxic & Dysgraphic. We have allowed all of the things in your list over the years. Now our son prefers to eat at his desk in front of his computer with just a fork. However IF we manage to get him out of the house to eat anywhere he is fine with sitting at a table and using cutlery like he sees other people using. Most of the things mentioned have dropped off as time has gone on but we still enjoy jumping in puddles and running down long corridors together 🙂 We also had a trampoline at our previous house but couldn't bring it with us to our current home as the garden is too small, this is a major regret on our side as our son LOVED to "let go" completely and just bounce and bounce for hours, he still moans at us now about not having it anymore 🙁 He is now far too tall to use his bed as a trampoline too 🙁 Dirt from being outside has always been positively welcomed here but even more so now that we have difficulty getting him out of the house. I echo a previous comment "some battles are worth fighting, some are not" and to be honest….. life is just too short and precious to be bothered by conventional behaviours/expectations when you have a child with "specialties" 🙂 Helen, Zack's mum, Derby, UK
Just found your blog! I love your. Top 12 although as the mother of a 21 yr old son with severe autism, I think my list might be worse. For example, I used to let my son eat in the bathtub because it was the only place he was content and I could fold some laundry. We have sloppy joes for breakfast and I will purchase any fast food treat if I can get him to poop! I am such a fan of your thoughts about parents who say they would not change their children with autism. How utterly selfish is that? Keep ranting! Denise
Thank you, thank you! It's funny how their rules don't apply in our lives. Live n let live, what works for us could make another family crazy. I'm grateful very day in every way, it's our journey! Suzann Haswell Gabriels mom. Jan 27th
I remember way back when my older two kids (no disabilities) were young, a friend and I used to let our younger ones play in the dirt while our older ones were at football practice. Didn't think anything of it, but another mom of an only child who was on the team just couldn't believe we let them get that dirty. She said she wouldn't have let them in her car … Bet her house was cleaner than mine too …
This is exactly what I said to my MIL when she complained about the kids wanting birthday cake for breakfast (I have an aspie and an adhd/ocd/anxiety that are both picky eaters).
"Donut, cereal, cake – they are all the same thing and I bet the cake actually has LESS sugar than the cereal."
I have never understood why some people are so anal about one certain, specific food only being for one meal during one time of the day.
My kids like Cracker Barrel if we go out because they can get breakfast/lunch/dinner all day.
I also have all girls but one is a monkey/tree climber/tomboy and I don't care. It makes her happy and jeans are cheap at Goodwill. I do own a washer and we have a functional bathroom so no one else should care.
~ Chris
I love this post. I have 6 kids; 3 NT and 3 with ASD. I have always let all of them do all of the things you listed, why not? I figure if they're dirty, they probably had fun. Jumping on the bed has become an issue recently since my non-verbal 5yo is kind of a bruiser and cracked a bed frame, so now we have 2 indoor trampolines.
I guess what it comes down to is this, have we set up an environment where our kids are happy and safe and valued no matter what there abilities or challenges? Sounds like you have.
On a side note, most days the ASD kids are WAY easier to parent than the NTs.
– Denise Foote, Burlington, Vt
AD, your right on spot!!!! Let him be a Kid thats the best thing for him. we had 2 normal kids then 20 years later we had SAMANTHA ( CHD kid ) also alittle slow at learning in Special ed classes and then Luke ASD and we let them do anything within reason! I want them to get the full fun life as a kid. with the two older ones now 26 and 23 when they were kids we were the typical dont do that kind of parents now we have turned 100% and like you let them do things we never thought we would have in the past!! luckly Luke is very good in public we never have a problem with him acting up. Sam on the other hand is just a handful! IDK I pray we are doing the right things. I know with Sam since we almost lost her twice I think she is just spoiled! she is almost 8 and we are trying hard to break that of her!! When you almost lose a child you change your whole outlook on life. and the little thing dont really matter. like a clean house, dirty clothes at the playground, ETC. So I totally agree with what you are doing!! LET A KID BE A KID!! GOD BLESS YOU,WIFE, AND THE KING!!
Ken K
I LOVE your list! My son is very severe and LF as well–he is non-verbal and 16. I wish I could LET my son do some of these things. He does not talk or watch TV at all :(, or play as in jumping on the bed, in puddles or running up the hallway. All of his meals are pretty much grazing events and he hates silverware. Isnt it amazing how our point of view is so different from other parents? I would give my left arm for my son to sit down and watch any TV show, even South Park or Family Guy, but he just does not follow TV. On the other hand, I think my other 4 kids watch TOO much TV. In my house, there is no middle….thanks for posting this–shows how much one's perspective changes when raising an child with autism…
both of my severe ASD kids have their quirks too. We have tried eating at restaurants, but my son will get up the moment he is done and want to leave so ppl will let us know he is being inappropriate, so we eat at home a lot. How dare we bother people in the world- at least that is the feeling we have been left with. Our children have mutism, so they can talk but choose when they want to, they get over stimulated easily. The don't have a lot things they will eat, one loves to splash in water, we taught her to use the sink as a swimming pool for barbie. Our son has to be clean all the time OCD. They are a handful and challenge, but if you have not walked in our shoes, we dont want your comments, or insults. Questions are always welcomed. We put our life together the best way it works for our ASD kids, and if it is not up to the worlds standards we do not care. Please don't hand up the crap either that all specialists, therapists, and doctors, or even schools have all the answers either, we have never seen a 'one size fits all' for autism. But if we ever do, we will first in line. We love our children and are just trying to make the best life possible for them. And yes, we definately follow the list of things above.
Good post! I think all the eating "rules" are the ones we've violated the most. I have an 11 year old non-verbal son with autism, and he has never sat at the table. Many times when he was younger I would sit him on a chair at the table, and he would just flop his entire body over the side of the chair. (It's difficult to eat like that). That's only if I was holding him, otherwise he was running away. I gave up that battle years ago.
Also for the eating, there have been many times that my son would eat nothing all day. In fact when he was around 2-3 he looked like he was starving to death. I was raised of course with the idea that if the child got hungry enough they would eventually eat what you gave them. Ugh, no. I've watched my son starve himself, and no amount of hunger will make him eat what he cannot stand. Not only that, but being hungry makes him incredibly cranky. So my goal is to get him to eat.Whatever I can, and supplement with vitamins.
I believe in the freedom of each parent to decide how their child is raised (as long as they are safe and are fairly treated). Thirty/fifty years from now, people will look back at the customs and rules parents have now and probably think their outdated and ignorant, just like we look back and can't believe mothers used to smoke and drink while pregnant, or let their kids ride bikes without helmets. It's all relative or so I believe :).
Amazing. And awesome! I do the same kinds of things. If it's not harmful to the kid or those around, then who cares?
My non-dx'd but definitely borderline 10 yr old will only eat chicken. No veg, no fruit. We have vitamins. She will survive. Also, if I make burgers & fries for dinner, the fries are from scratch, so she does get potato, at least. 🙂
I also blog about our ASC journey. I'm an aspie, my oldest son is an aspie, my daughter is borderline, and my youngest is not on the spectrum at all. We're here: http://parentingwithaspergers.blogspot.com/
If your daughter likes juice, try the V-8 Fusion juices. Our developmental pediatrician told us to try them since my four year old won't eat vegetables.
I have no ASD kids, but I went to school for Human Development and I have found that any child at any age benefits from being allowed to make their own choices. I have 4 children ages 1-7. I let them wear whatever they want and do what they want in those clothes. My 3 year old loves to wear princess dresses, and she gets to wear them to stores, outings, etc. They have wonderful imaginations and I have a messy house. At least they are allowed to be kids. -Stephanie
Oh yeah.
Guilty: 1, 6, 8,10, 12
~ Lisa
I love this post! Our son is 5 and has classic nonverbal autism as well. I related to your 10 things more than I can even describe. It is EXACTLY the same as our son. And he LOVES jumping on the bed, he just learned how to jump so we encourage it!
Oh the shopping cart! My husband and I joke all the time about how our son will be 22 still sitting in the back of the cart! So funny!
We let our kids do most of these things and a few other odd things that parents don't like also. It is great for our daughter with autism, and I think it is good for our other 2 children to see some advantages to having a sibling with autism, instead of just the negatives. All their friends love to come to our house because we have all the fun therapy things – swing, balls, etc.
All of those things…except for the coffee, I'm not a good sharer. Around our house there is also an excessive amount of nudity. I overheard my daughter say to a friend recently that if you don't want to see a naked little boy, you just shouldn't come to our house. Funny…and true. Recently, furniture moving has been his thing. Since our furniture is well beyond even donatable to Goodwill status, I really don't care that the recliner is frequently flipped back and used as a climbing device. I'm sure this will bite me in the ass (along with so many other things) if we ever manage to get some decent furniture. I will pay those dues when that day comes, but for now, I am getting through our day as peacefully as possible.
I completely agree. If I can get one of my boys to just touch the grass with his toes or step in a puddle to see what happens, I'm happy. I also let mine talk loudly because they are still learning language and so if they will just say something that isn't echolalia, I don't care if it's so loud it scares the person next to them. LOL
I have an aspie and 2 NTs. I know exactly what you mean. I can't help but let him do things that I tell his sisters not to do.
Touching stuff at stores- I know it's a sensory thing for him to rub his fingers along shelves at the store. If it keeps him calm, have at it. Same with rubbing his hands along his wheelchair wheels while I'm pushing. I know it's a safety thing but it's also a sensory calming thing for him.
Eating strange combinations or turning a food down- my son lives by his senses so I know if he's turning something down, it's not because of taste. It's a texture thing that he just doesn't have the words to describe. I have the same issue so I "get it."
Blunt comments- I know I really should stop this but when he makes blunt or stating-the-obvious remarks, he's not doing it to be a smart ass. He just can't help it. I kinda do this so I "get it." Sometimes the words just come out. It's hard to control. Plus, he typically doesn't even registers a stranger's presence so if he acknowledges you because you made a wrong statement, hey, it's social interaction. lol
My son is a heavy thumb sucker. He has a strong oral sensory need and has always been that way. As a baby/toddler, he was heavy on the paci. I didn't mind cause it kept toys and other random objects out of his mouth. I got peer pressured into taking away his paci. Now, he's a thumb sucker. The dentist wants to put a cage in his mouth. Besides the sensory issues that THAT would jack up, I can't help but feel guilty that I tried to force an NT timeline on him that drove him to this. Let him have the damn thumb. Otherwise, it's back to toys, pencils, clothes, shoe laces, etc. He can get braces later.
When we visit with family, I make my girls meet and great and interact. I don't force him. Let him come to you on his own. If he wants to sit in a corner sucking that thumb while in a trance with the tv, let him. I'd rather a calm antisocial child than a screaming one. lol
Kiesha,
My daughter sometimes has issues with chewing things. I bought a chewing ring and put it on a lanyard. That way she always as it. Also, there is Chewelry. Check out http://www.kidcompanions.com
Jenny
You are a wonderful dad!!! I have a 9 yr old son with developmental disabilities. We were originally told aspergers but now we are not so sure. He will be going into a hospital for several weeks to get his meds on the right track and hope to get a differential diagnosis. I completely agree with you. It's all about picking your battles. I firmly believe that it if it doesn't hurt the child (or anyone else) then what's the problem? We need to let our children, especially special needs children, the freedom and encouragement to explore their world. Life is messy. My son has a lot of sensory issues, doesn't like mess, or water in his face to name a couple. When he actually wants to make a mess– guess what? We make as big a mess as we can. I have long Ago given up trying to have a clean and clutter free house. We have arts and crafts "stuff". Stashed throughout the house so when the desire hits, we're ready to create. Keep doing what you are doing and celebrate your amazing son. He is special and beautiful.
Well as our weather goes from snow to rain(around March). The kids and I have what I call mud day. We put on rain gear(rain coat, rain pants and rubber boots)and go to the ravine(we pack a picnic lunch). We spend all day sliding down the hills and jumping in puddle. We come back completely exhausted and covered in mud. They wash .
As for breakfast as long as it is not dessert eat whatever you want for breakfast(today they are eating smoked fish)
My youngest DD talks no stop, I wish my Ds son would talk that much
my kids love tea and coffee. So I get them decaffeinated. There happy , I am happy
Life is to short to be so serious all the time, enjoy life
Yes! We have a 3-year-old non-verbal autistic son and we do the same things.
Another thing we do, which I am sure gets some looks from other people, is that when we go food shopping sometimes he wants to eat what goes in the cart. Most times, I open the package there and then and let him have it. He's such an awful eater and it is such a struggle, so when he actually decides to eat, I am all for it. 🙂
We let our son run and flap as much as he wants. We know when he is doing this he is letting out the energy and the build up from the school day and when he is stressed. So when he starts flapping and running we just let him go.
Just found your blog and LOVE IT!
I love this! we fully participate in every activity here, except the breakfast. if it is a syrupy one, it is at the table. plus, I am anal about my bathroom floor sadly. I let her clothes the curtain and go to town 🙂
yet again, another awesome post, including #11 😉
Having both autistic kids and NT I tend to allow all mine do these things – I'm forever being told that my kids are getting dirty and my comment is that I have a washing machine and bath at home. Kids should be kids and mine all love a day in the woods when they come home covered in mud. Meal time we try to have at the table but I have one who will eat a school dinner and then only want breakfast items for tea and as long as she eats we are happy.
My Riley is exactly the same it's like looking in a mirror I am a 43 yo dad of severe add non verbal 3 yo I get great comfort from reading your status updates good luck with little Kyle looking forward to your next posting 🙂
I let my kids wear pajamas in public. Not all the time, but when they want to–why not? Their pajamas are cute, clean, warm in the winter and cooler in the summer. If they feel like their day will be better if they wear pajamas, why on earth would I MAKE them wear something else? I let my PDD-NOS son with auditory sensitivity wear hats with ear flaps or ear muffs whenever he wishes, regardless of the season. And I let my aspy with sensory issues layer his clothes when he wants to and wear pants in the summer if he isn't liking the air on his legs (which is frequent). I may be the worse mom in the world for someone else's kids, but mine seem to be happy 😀
So thankful I'm not the only one who has a son who refuses to wear pants even when it is snowing outside.
Our son will not wear pants only shorts no matter how cold, people think we are the worse parents to allow it but heck if I am uncomfortable with something I don't do it so how are we to judge what makes him uncomfortable. My name is Lucy and I am proud of my autistic son with or without pants!
Sliding down the banister instead of walking down the stairs in the morn. This is a pick your battles thing. Short of standing guard at the stairs all the time, i have officially given up on this one. When i did succeed in getting her down the traditional way, she would go back and get a slide in anyway before school. if all else goes ok in the morning getting ready, I'm not going there on this one. I wish we had a fire pole and I would join her. We did actually stop it during Christmas with garland wrapped around banister. We discussed leaving the garland up all year, but we took it down and I instructed her to go give it a whirl.
Kudos to you!! I let my ASD and NT do these things! Why? Well, why not?!? I know what it is like to NOT be able to do these things and grow up in a restrictive enviroment where I was NOT free to express myself or my energy. I don't mind when my children run back and forth through the house. At least, they have legs to run. I don't mind them arguing, laughing, screaming or fussing. At least they have a voice. I let them dress themselves in whatever they want. At least we have clothes… this teaches independence as well. My ASD can benefit from some independence… Oh wait, he doesn't know what that is.. But you get the point! Mud? Puddles? Go for it, at least you have the ability to jump.. Am I a horrible mother? One might think so… My children are happy, healthy and even disciplined if need be. Oh, and the tv? Bahaha! We have camp outs or pajama parties for dinner just so my ASD son will eat! They do both eat with utensils.. So, yes, I choose my battles and choose them wisely… If they have the ability to do these things as kids should… then let them… because they could always lose it and never know the feeling…Some kids would love to know what it's like.. So let's run, scream, and jump for the kids that can't!
one day my son climbed up on a chair and my sister said, al get down but i butted in and told al that if he was gong to jump he had to bend his knees and jump at that time my brother in law says, see that's the difference between you and your sister, she tells him to get down and you teach him the right way to jump!!
my sister in law on my husbands side thinks i'm the biggest irresponsible parent in the world because i've learned how to choose my battles and she's neurotic and would rather tie my son down and force him to watch tv!!
thanks for your blogs
my six year old son has pddnos and spd, adhd, some kind of mood dissorder(they suspect bipolar) and possible dyslexia. He is VERY MUCH A sensory kiddo. Lights in grocery stores bug him too many people and noise in any place makez for a short trip anywhere bc he gets over stimmed. what calms "BB"down is deep pressure and lost of exerting of energy. so I do things like let my kid jump on the mattress on the floor and crash into the couch cushons piled on the floor amd lots and lots of running, that most nt parents dont encourage. I do these things bc they help him. and Ill do anything to help my little guy navigate his world and feel more comfortable in it. I loved your post thanks for writing!
My son will play in the sink for hours. Our bathroom floor is ruined because he has flooded it so many times. Oh, and if he's naked doing it…he's even happier! Also,I worked with him for a long time to eat with a fork. He wanted to use his hands, and it was a real mess. However, I do understand the "at least he's eating" mindset. We have been through that as well. You really have to pick your battles. The school was helpful with an eating program to help him with using a fork, as well. -Shannon
Shannon my son has flooded the bathroom so many times we have water damage. He loves water so much..when it gets too much I have to shut down water in the the whole house
I agree with so much of what you are saying!! I think that is so true, it is a right of passage for all kids to experience jumping in puddles, splashing in the tub or pool. I have let my son go out and play in the mud, he was covered and had mud running down his face , up his nose, and a lot of other strange places…he had a blast, so what, he got dirty. That's what soap and water is for!
I let my ASD daughter sleep in the clothes she wore that day, eat chicken nuggets and fries for breakfast (Ihop will actually cook them for breakfast), watch tv while she eats (our kitchen/living room are one big room and you can see the tv from the table), play video games all day on a weekend (she's so quiet that way). Definitely need to pick your battles.
Autism Daddy, You are so much further down the line than I am at present. Most of the things that you can now accept are the issues that I have problems with. Accepting that I have to change to issues that I don't feel are acceptable is very difficult. I have much to learn. But I AM learning through this process of reading and sharing. So thanks.
You will get there soon enough and you will find ways that work for you. When people come to our home they may be shocked at some of the things going on but I say if they can't handle eating with hands and flapping around then go home. If it doesn't cause bodily harm or death its a go at our house!
You will get there. He is an inspiration and puts the words we are sometimes thinking down on paper per say. Kudos to Autism Daddy. The most important thing to remember is to stay calm and not sweat the stuff that won't harm your child. My best to you.
I have two children with autism; I allow my 3yr old to take her socks and shoes off almost anywhere we are due to her many sensory issues. I allow my 8yr old to yell and scream at me sometimes because I understand that he gets very frustrated because I may not completely understand what he's trying to tell me.
There were times when I let my son eat in the bathtub if it meant that he would eat a few more bites. He was failing to thrive and under a doctor's care for that. When I told the doctor how I got my son to eat, he actually laughed and told me, "Whatever works!" -Kristel
My son, too, is severely autistic and nonverbal. I, too, wait eagerly for the day some words come out, any words, at any volume. Your mention of trying to teach your son to enjoy puddles and splashing reminds me of my effort to teach my son farting is funny. My husband told me that was a mistake, but boys think farting is funny, and I wanted my son to think it's funny too. Well, he's 13 now. And he thinks farting is funny. And my husband was right…it was a mistake. Thanks for your list and your blog. It was a recent discovery and I'm enjoying it.
hahahaha i still think it's funny too…. and im not a boy!
I have a low functioning nearly 3 yo asd boy! He doesn't get the farting thing yet either… our newest learned skill that i used to get in trouble for…. blowing bubbles in your dirnk!! Milk is the best…. those bubbles come right over the top of the cup!!! Evem better with chocolate milk! 😀
Kel
LOL! Too funny, those little things that seem right at the time always like to bite us in the butt later. But as in outsider looking in it's still funny. Great post!
I can absolutely relate!
My son has very limited eating as well and he eats all of his meals in my room while playing on his computer.
Definitely splash in the tub and pool,
he gets upset (screams) sometimes when we are out in public and people act as if I am the worst parent with the worst child in the world! So irritating and my husband has actually confronted people about it..
My son drinks mostly root beer- at least it is caffeine free! and he eats lunch for all three meals lol
I have no kids – ASD or NT. But if I did (and I do this with the younger kids in my family too), I don't see the problem with jumping in puddles, getting dirty, eating with your hands.
My great niece is 1yo, so she's a messy eater – and some HATE that – but who gives a damn really? Clothes wash, carpets get hoovered, wash the kids face.
People were always giving my mum looks when I was a kid – I'm a girl and there I am covered in mud, dirt… and some days (when they were resurfacing the roads) – TAR! She didn't care, I came in to eat – she changed my clothes – put them in the washer.
So to be fair – I think a lot of these would apply if you had a NT kid – it just makes you a fun dad. 🙂
We let our 9 year old with ASD eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner in front of a computer with a movie playing. Don't know the last time he ate with us. But at least he's now sitting down for his dinner when before we had the stress of trying to eat and chase him.
Lol love this mine are jumping on the furniture ( at age two he fell off the sofa and got hurt but we also found out he had cancer because of that fall) so now it's a jump for all , Starbucks hot chocolate so what if we are late to school by 5 mins he went in and was good in line and was nice to people and not I'm the king move or I scream so yep Starbucks lol wearing a swimsuit in the shower makes him feel better and things are still washed just under a suit . Pancakes for dinner and peas and chicken for breakfast mmmm he ate a veggie I'm good lol. At 11 banging on pots and pans at least there is a vauge beat of the Beatles. On the whole he's happy and I'm sane ( sorta) my son has enough crap to deal with be a kid and have fun he's not hurting anyone else or himself!
I absolutely love reading your blog. I feel the same. Although we are pretty strict w the utensils and eating at the table anything else is open game. My 5year old daughter is non verbal as well. If she expresses interest in wanting something and communicates it to us not only are we proud but we are bending over backwards to make it happen. Outsiders don't understand why we do what we do, that's ok because life is about making yourself and children happy not those looking in. Margo T
Sounds like my house too! My Son is always naked though. =)
We have that problem too 🙂 Thank goodness he keeps his pullup on most of the time.
My son jumps all the time and sometimes I join him and he loves it..he smiles and laughs and that is worth everything… To see him enjoy playing with me..it does not happen often..he keeps to himself alot
It is truly an honor to be mentioned in your blog! I absolutely know what you are talking about..with the tub thing most of all. We regularly have water dripping down into the livingroom most all the time. Thank you!!
When my son was 3 years old, I started babysitting for a 2 and 4 year old…one day my son was jumping on the bed and I went in there and joined him and I had the other two kids jumping too. The parents of the kids I babysat asked me what this was all about me letting them jump on the bed and I said, I remembered being a kid and having a lot of fun doing it and so I joined them…the kids mom thought well I guess I'll try it and the next time she brought the kids the 4 year old had a cast on his arm…I felt good that they were learning how to have fun but I felt bad that he broke his arm…she didn't have me babysit much longer…lol. My son and I continued this behavior probably until he was 6 or 7 without incident. Seriously I would really like to know who makes up some of the rules out there because some have no benefits for children whatsoever. For example, I've heard more than one doctor say, "Don't pick up your baby when he/she crys; let him/her cry for a while, clean out his/her lungs,…blah, blah, blah" Bahumbug! As soon as my kids and grandkids cry I am right there to hold them, check their diapers, see if they're hungry or thirsty, or whatever. This did not spoil them. It made them feel secure. It made them feel loved. It made them feel important and worthy. It felt like the right thing to do to me therefore, it was.
I just read your thing about leaving a name…I didn't see that option in the drop down box but I wrote this one about when my son was 3-
Honey Halley
Well my 3 year old has no interest in using utensils so what am I suppose to do make him starve…
My four year old still requires feeding, that's me feeding him. Not because he can't feed himself (and he knows how to use utensils), but he just won't eat unless I feed him. I feed him at home, at family gatherings, and in public. If he won't eat on his own by the time he gets married then it's his wife's problem (little humor there…haha). There are foods he will eat, mostly finger foods and when he starts eating lunch at school I too will pack those foods that he will eat on his own for his lunch. I want him to be healthy and happy, and if that means I feed him, well then, I feed him.
My son eats mostly with his hands maybe 95% of the time. He is in school and I do NOT expect the school to break it. I also make accomidations for him. I send him to school with his lunch, packing only finger foods. I don't see the issue and I do NOT expect the school system to be responsible for my child using utensils. Now if they can get him to write I wouldn't mind lol. 😉
Of course not all I'm saying is that little ppl to grow up to be big ppl and yes you except ur child as u should but don't get upset when this habit can't be broken @ a later age in life or expecting the school to break it,I don't care if a child parents allow them to eat w/their hands @ age 3,6,12,16 etc..
As much as I agree w/ most I fine it hard to agree w/allowing a child to eat w/their hands and run any-where but home because in time some-parent or parents will be expecting teachers an staff to break these habits that will never be excepted by society anymore then ppl wanting to change the diaper of an older child in school.
The sad part is a lot of special education college courses even state in their books that special education is the most lacking educational field there is. My book quoted "If you are looking for a educational career that's easy to obtain, then Spec Ed is the field for you." My first thought was no wander it's so hard to find a good teacher for my High Functioning, Bipolar Manic Daughter. And sadly that might be the reason that said person chose this profession. To use words like "act normal" is a disgrace to those that DO help our children. And definitely the reason I chose to go back to school and study psychology and special needs therapy. So that our blessings feel blessed and not shunned.
And to the person who wrote that. If you ever told my child to "act normal" you would have a discrimination lawsuit on your hands. Her teachers and therapists who do think she is completely normal have helped her more by accepting her and teaching her than trying to change her!
I feel like people are getting confused with how big a spectrum autism is. If your child is high functionning and is likely to go on and live independently in the future then of course you will not be accepting things like eating with hands. However, if your child is more severe, if for example, responding to their name and looking at you when you come in a room are considered successes, then you do need to readjust your expectations, and using a knife and fork, or walking sensibly down corridors, simply become less omportant.
Oh Please How many times have you picked up and ate a sandwich (eating with your hands) while running out the door or grabbed a couple chips (with your hands) while you are walking to do something??? Give me a break not socially acceptable to eat something on the go with your hands. If you go back and read the initial post he clearly states that they are working on this skill and do not allow it for every meal! You cannot tie the child down to every meal being a battle or the poor child will not eat at all. You can only work on a skill so much per day no matter what the skill is or it becomes horrifying for both the child and the parent!!
I can't believe the rude comments from these so called educators. Please do us all a favor and find another field. As a parent of two Autistic children, one who also has CP, and who is not potty trained yet, we don't really care what you think or say. We don't care if you stare and make rude comments. You are the truly ignorant ones! I will do what is best for MY child, regardless!
Lyric Notes hit it out of the ballpark. That poster has the longevity and experience to speak to the matter more than some of the parents who are simply seeing the issue in an immediate and emotionally invested state. Parents should do everything possible to accommodate their children's specific needs, advocate fiercely to the schools and legislatures, love and protect them against all dangers and injustices possible, but the long term goals have to stay the focus. Setting high expectations is a good thing. Setting attainable and useful goals is a great thing, but have high expectations within those goals and children will achieve more. From growing up in a household with a mentally disabled sister and then working in education with children with different needs, I promise you that it takes more self discipline and repetitious follow through to advance and help a child on the spectrum than it does so called normal children. Acquiescing to every whim because of a disability is doing a disservice in the long run even if it makes you both feel better in the moment. – – KLW
no one is expecting you to break there habit what we do expect is for you to not control our children but help them with every day problems like playing and being a part of a group we do not expect or want you to change your children. I have 3 kids with special needs and if my 3 year old autistic child want to jump up and down for a hour guess what I will be ther jumping with him. For all the parents do some research about the teachers that your kids will be seen in school and it's simple if you don't like the teacher or how they act in class take your kids to a better school and for the idiotic teachers out there go back to school learn something
I do not have ASD, none of my children have ASD (that I know of, and they are all grown now anyway) and I do not teach learning different children. But really!!!! This much discussion about eating with fingers?? Seriously?? People are actually offended? OMG, like there are more serious issues in the world than if a person chooses (if indeed they have a choice) to eat with utensils or not! Let people grow and be comfortable being themselves and stop trying to get square pegs fit into round holes for the sake of what "society" deems appropriate. Thank you, end of rant, Nana in Canada.
with all do respect to anon559 you are an ignorant human being. In india, a developed country with very intelligent and educated people…..They eat with their hands…it's actually rude to use a utensil. Clearly you don't live there
In reply to Billy Starns; Please read comments by "Lyric Notes" above your last reply on jan, 24th …. enough said.
Again to the teachers / wtf did you expect when you decided to pursue a career in working with children with LEARNING DISABILITIES ???? You knew what you were up against or at least you should have. You should have known all about autistic children & what you would face. These are OUR children who look to US for comfort, love, and safety. The "standard" way of raising a child does not apply when you dont have the "standard" child. If you didnt know these things when you started in this career , then your instructors failed you miserably, as I fear that all of you will fail our children from your lack of patience & understanding, but most of all from your ignorance to think these children should behave "normally" McDonalds & WalMart are usually hiring the majority of the time. I think you would be much better suited for those positions- – – but be warned…. a lot of our children act better in WalMart than some "normal" ones. So ya know….telemarketing is probably more suitable employment for you. You should check it out !!!! Have a great day !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
imn about to spaze out reading this post i have autism as a child i had fine motor iusse an so on to the point i was miss dx with cp.i was not allowed to do any of these thing i had therhy that help .i have friebnds who are so severe they do not eat with there hands i understand not wanting to get in to it but he is 9 there are therhy prougam that work on feeding an all that stuff it really importent that he lears all the app social skills now becuse when he is a teen / adult an he in situion .eatting in public do u want him eating with his hands then an running .i can tell you from my point of veiw an being with friends who have been tread an taught an rasied like me an those that got away with everything becuse they have autism an all diff leavels .it make a big diff .ya i hated at times what i went through but i now no i wouldnt be on the leavel i am if it wasnt for my parents an my therist .i still get help .an im hf in alot of areas now but im not hf in some .but my parents were basly told i never be abvle to be any more then be in group home an work shop or be hospital or what ever .im doing many things i they were told i never do .i had a lot of behavoirs to .i still have meltdowns sometimes an im sure that i may come off diff when out sometimes .but if no one work on my behaviors .i be still acting like a 4 year old .all ways expct more from him then you think he can really do he may supprise u .i supprise them all .
I agree, I teach children with autism and it is my job to teach functional skills in the classroom in hopes they will generalize these skills outside of the school. Eating with fingers, peeing in cups, running around (sometimes naked) might be accepted in your home but certainly no where else.
The last comment from Anonymous: I totally agree with. Society is ignorant. My Naphew has been diagnosed with Autism – he is 4- and every day I pray – i pray hard for him to be safe and happy. So to the ignorant public who raise their eyebrows 'get stuffed' and 'open your minds'. May god almighty help all our children,
OMG! "Who gives a shit what society thinks anyway???" When you have a son or daughter who has autism, you'll do anything to make your child happy. Partially, because a lot of the time they can be quite unhappy in their own skin. If my son (who has autism) wants to run in any hallway I will let him. He will always be allowed to eat with his hands if needed. I don't care what looks or stares I get. (which we do quite often) However, I also get strangers who come up and tell me what a great Mom I am to my precious son. All I care about is that he is happy and healthy. Society can "kiss my ass" as far as I'm concerned!!!
cant believe some people get on their high horse n judge. i absolutely echo kyles dad as i have a very similar son n i too pick my battles. i have a 6 year old still in nappies does not talk and eats well with his hands . of course we try to get our kids to eat with a spoon you complete muppet, but as with most kids like kyle n my lucas we fail and so do the schools n the other people but still we keep trying but we cant starve our sons that we love so dearly so to see them happy and eating we go to bed that night content n hope we can win that battle another day. what do you want us to do starve our kids n leave them screaming n unhappy for hours its people that judge that cause the word disabilty because if everyone understood it would not be a disability, its society n clueless peole like yourself that make life harder than it already is. i love the top 10 and its gr8 to know there are people out there who are living a parallel life. Keith very proud austism daddy 🙂
I agree with all of the above responses to Anon@2:59! Let them do, because there is so much that they don't. Love ya AD and the top 10+!
To be honest, I really don't care what others think, or what society thinks, I wouldn't want my child to be like them anyway. I just want him to be himself, and if that upsets someone, so be it. They will have to learn to deal with it, because I don't care. People need to learn tolerance and acceptance, this cripples more of us than any disability. Thanks Tamara.
anonymous@2:59 ….wtf? for reals? i have three stunningly bright normal kids, and one profoundly autistic nonverbal. guess what? the sky did not fall when i tossed "rules" and "expectations" out the window and addressed my beloved little girls particular needs from a creative approach that suits her. who the %#@$ really cares what "society" or "staff" or such want? why would their "needs" take precedence over the needs of MY very dependent child?
Well it sounds like what I used to do with my grandson Camdon .We jumped in puddles ,mud he loved the mud,danced in the rain, caught snow flakes in our mouths.I did not care what anyone thought o said we just have fun. He is older now andjust wants to do it with his younger brother.He wants me to tape it.
Oh and by the way, the parents of the kids who are still in diapers when they're older aren't that fond of changing them either. It's not like either us or our kids chose to have so much trouble potty training. That's just sometimes in the mix when your child is more severe. Try to quit judging.
Eating with your hands and running around isn't the end of the world. And for kids who already have been shunned and rejected by "outsiders" why bother continuing trying to force them to be something they're not (and making them miserable and harming them in the process) just so the outsiders looking in are more comfortable?
My sons will always come first. LOOOONG before any judgemental strangers.
Some of us have severe autistic children and don't have the luxury of teaching them to be just like everyone else or how to behave like everyone else, so anytime we can get them to just be happy in a world that does not accept them in the first place , forgive us but we tend to get alittle excited. The world has given up on these kids and all they have is us parents. Mine (2 ASD kids) have already been shut off from the world since they do not learn like everyone else, this is a 24/7 job of parenting, and we do take it very seriously.
That totally sounds like me…I do the samething Nd for the same reason…I usually do what he wants to keep him happy as long as its not hurting himself or anyone else
I so agree with these. My children are three and four and my three year old does have some language but it isn't that functional. When he speaks or says something, no matter what, I am going to shout it from the rooftops! I also totally agree with the splashing in puddles, tubs and pools and all about the food. My four year old will not eat very many foods so when he requests something I try hard to get it for him. We are in a drought in Texas, also, and we have had few puddles. The other day there was a rain and a few small puddles. The bus driver went out of her way to cover the puddles that my son was sooooo happily eyeing. I felt really bad. I so wanted to splash in those. When he got home, I made sure he splashed in them to his heart's content, even though I had to change him quickly for his therapy session. I didn't care. His utter joy was worth it and always will be.
yep… totally agree and wish I could say it as well as you And let me just say that us autism mommies love our Autism daddies.((((hugs to all of you))).
Amen!
Seriously? ..im in awe after reading some of these..Teachers and autism specialists should have more consideration. If all your worried about is if our autistic children are going to bite you or have a tantrum at school then why the hell are YOU working in that field. They need to help, love and guidance.. not that crap. Talking like their dangerous.. anyone can be dangerous. My son is the sweetest child ive ever met.. whether he has tantrums or not.. they dont get to control what's going on inside them.
I could rant forever because my son with autism is my whole world and im appalled that anyone could have anything negative to say on this guys post. Autism daddy seems to be doing everything he can with his wife, I can relate to all of these. Keep up the amazing work your doing everyone. Its people who think like that, that discourages me. You don't want to worry bout gettin big n scratched at work? Find a job in a bouncy house. Come on.
I agree Billy. I am the Mother of 3 non-autistic boys. I let them do most of these things as well. I cannot pretend to know what the parent of an autistic child lives everyday, but I do understand the want and the need to do the very best to make your child happy and healthy. You know your child better than anyone else. Maureen Doyle
YOU GO BILLY STARNES!!! DITTO EVERYTHINGYOU SAY!! I am a parent AND a teacher and while I too struggle with being socially acceptable when out in public I believe life is worth enjoying and living. My son is 12 now and presents to the outside world as neurotypical so we get a lot of "your son is a brat and you suck as a parent" looks…..When he was younger he had a t-shirt that stated very clearly " I HAVE AUTISM>>>>MY SISTERS HAVE NO EXCUSE" I need to get him one again…anyways wanted to add to the list……I let my son hide under the table/booths at restaurants if he needs to.. His needs have diminished in this area but if we have to eat and it has to be out in a restaurant then we eat and if you don't like it then don't look….unfortunately he is larger no and doesn't always quite fit! lol oh and also much to the chagrin of my "new to the family" husband, I also let him stand on the coffee able so he can watch his facial expressions in the mirrir….it drives my husband crazy….but the table was a trash freebie and my sons happiness is priceless.
Im mike from england. I have 2 sons with asd 4 yr old and 12yr old. I have read this blog and think its brilliant. To all the parents who have kids with asd i say this. You are the experts without you telling doctors and so called experts what is happening to your kids no one would even know about asd! Keep up the good work. As for the teachers and doctors who have contact with kids with asd. If you just take your head out of the sand long enough you might realise that these kids can teach us alot and have alot to offer.
to AnonymousJanuary 7, 2013 at 9:23 AM
I sincerely recommend you get another Job. Dealing with people with ASD or with special needs is not something for you. You may have the training but not the understanding.
My Name is Ms. Tracy Smith, I was married to my husband for 13 years and we were both bless with three children, living together as one love, until 2009 when things was no longer the way the was [when he lost his job]. But when he later gets a new job 6 months after, he stated sleeping outside our matrimonial home. Only for me to find out that he was having an affair with the lady that gave he the job. since that day, when i called him, he don’t longer pick up my calls and he nothing since to come out good. Yet my husbands just still keep on seeing the lady. Until I met a very good friend of my who was also having a similar problem, who introduced me to a very good love spell caster. But i told her that if it has to do with things that i am not interested, but she said that it has nothing to do with pay first. but the only thing he was ask to do was just to go and buy the items to cast the spell, and that was what she did. And she gave me the spell caster e-mail address and phone number. When i contacted him, i was so surprise when he said that if i have the faith that i will get my husband back in the nest three [3] day, and off which it was really so. but i was so shock that i did not pay any thing to Dr.obadam, but my husband was on his knells begging me and the children for forgiveness. This testimony is just the price i have to pay. This man obadam is good and he is the author of my happiness. His e-mail address obadamtemple gmail.com
I used to work in an ABA school where students were very frequently aggressive. To the commenter above that also works with autistic children: I encourage you to look at the programming in your school and determine if any of the expectations within the program are causing the students severe anxiety. Just from the wording, "socially expected behavior" it seems you might be utilizing MGW's social thinking curriculum. MGW curriculum was not created to be used with non-verbal autistic people. If you create an environment that produces anxiety then you are creating an environment that leads to tantrums and aggressions.
My experience in the ABA school is that TOO MUCH was being worked on at once. There were way too many expectations, and not nearly enough relationship development or allowing students to explore their own interests. If students are frequently aggressing that means that they don't feel safe. People cannot learn when they don't feel safe–anxiety reduces our working memory by 40%! Create an environment where a student feels comfortable, and then choose one or two specific goals and work on those goals. Yes, the student might aggress while working on those goals, but if they're allowed to feel safe the rest of the day they won't be aggressing all of the time. If they are working on goals all day long they never feel safe and of course they'll aggress frequently.
This sounds like a programmatic problem, not a parenting problem.
And yes, a small number of parents allow their autistic children to do whatever they want. Not most of them, and certainly none of the people on this page have expressed in any way that they don't have any expectations of their child. Their expectations might be different than what you or another educator wants them to be, but parents are just as much a part of an IEP team as educators, and you don't get to decide a children's goals for them.
-Briana, MA
I have a DD with autism. I would NEVER let her just do whatever she wants all the time, that's INSANE. How could I expect her teachers to teach her when she has zero boundaries? there is no sense sending them to school if you are going to un do everything they try to do. I agree with letting them have a lot more freedom to discover – for sure, but zero rules? that's not fair to my daughter, how confusing to have no rules at home and a bunch at school? yes, it may be easier not to " battle" but def hurts my child in the long run. I want her to at least try to start to learn how to function in a non autism world – – Louise
Can someone tell me if this is normal….
To sleep in the bed with your 5 y.o. autistic son (James) and your new girlfriend??
To carry on making love to your girlfriend even if your 5 y.o. autistic son walks in ("he doesn't know whats happening")??
James is a very well adjusted autistic boy and his dad is great with him otherwise.
Sophie
hey thanks for saying just what i was thinking if she had a kid that is autistic then her comments wouldn't have came out the way she was thinking i to have a pretty cool three year old autistic kid. I never knew what it was until I had one myself when i told his dad he didn't want to accept it til he saw for his self how he is NOW he tells me about he also was like this growing up noone knew what it was we are now 40years old and just not understanding this illness thanks to all the father's that are helping their kids to the fullest I love you guys for this Asiha Jones a great autistic mom that rocks right alone with my son
BRAVO BILLY! I think you just summed it nicely for ALL of us. Thank you, Jennifer Laura
I totally agree with the Dad and billy 🙂 I have a non verbal 5 yr old sone whom I pretty much let him do what ever as long as no one will get hurt. so he gets dirty, or wet the smileon his face is worth it! there are way too many nasty people in this world that will look at our children with a dirty looks the one blessing is that our children could really careless what those idiots think they pay them no mind. so my son taught me something ignore the jerks who are too uptight to enjoy life. 🙂
I know I marked Anonymous, but my name is Sara, and I live in Texas. Billy and others, I agree with some things you said, and some things I disagree. Iam a parent of a fairly non-verbal 7 year old autistic girl, so I can identify with the parents issues, however, I do draw a line sometimes because I do know she can be capable of many things, she just doesn't want to them. I'm sure you as parents have heard Temple Grandin speak. She was quite severe, but had parents/instructors that set standards she had to do her best to meet, and she did. And she is a big advocate about not assuming AU kids can't do something just because of a label. I don't underestimate what my childs limits are just because she is not NT. My daughter is magic and exceptional, but she is not like everyone else AND I DON'T CARE. She is different, not less than anyone else…as can be said about all of us. But the bottom line is, the world isn't gonna change, and if I want to do all I can to help her make it in this world, I will. P.S. I don't think you should berate the ABA therapists and/or teachers either. p.p.s. "Autism Daddy" you're hysterical, and I loved the blog.
Kudos!! My son is verbal and on the more mild side of the Autism scale, but I too have learned that picking my battles is an important part of keeping my sanity. I love to watch him experience things for the first time. This year he is playing coach pitch for the first time, and I am the parent cheering even when he is twirling in circles or playing in the dirt, because this is the first year I could get him out there on the field. You are an awesome dad…keep it up!
Just Bravo! 🙂
God Bless you!
AnonymousJanuary 7, 2013 at 9:23 AM
In response to shanell.. I am talking about violent tantrums towards teachers and other students because they are allowed in the home. students should not have to worry about unprovoked physical attacks and teachers should not have to take trips to the hospital for bites.that is the kind of behavior we are dealing with.It is dangerous and not ok.
And who was teaching the NT children NOT to do these same things to the teachers and to MY AUTISTIC CHILD? My son learned biting hurts because he was bitten by an "normal" child! He has been hit had hair pulled been tripped even had his clothes cut with scissors… ALL by so called normal kids in his mainstream classroom – The Normal kids Scream at the teacher or throw things and NEVER apologize – My autistic son may have his occasional meltdown in class over thinking he is going to "fail" at a lesson – HE HATES to do badly – but he says he is SORRY almost instantly – and even writes I'm sorry on paper with a heart – YOU act in your comment like the only "bad kids" are kids with disabilities and that we "encourage" them by changing our expectations… Well the strictest parents of the Normals don't seem to be succeeding in making them "perfect" so maybe they should lack their standards and pick their battles and TEACH their children not to pick on the kids that do have special needs! You should not be in any classroom if you feel as if all children should be little robots you can power down if they dont behave correctly… and I feel sorry for any children you may one day have – On Second thought – MAY YOU BE BLESSED WITH A CHILD THAT TEACHES YOU how to treat the world and HOW to ACCEPT EVERYONE!
MOST parents – regardless of their childrens needs or normalcy would want them to behave horridly toward another human being, child or adult. Some cannot help it – some have issues, some are just "bad" – Parents of Autistic kids DO TRY, and ya know what WE NEVER GIVE UP – there are plenty of Normal kids out there in JAIL! Because their parents said "oh not my child", or I dont know what to do with him/her and they GAVE UP! They should have been blessed with a PARENT who jumped in puddles with them and let them be kids – maybe then they would have grown up to be WELL ROUNDED Caring adults!
This is for the teachers & helpers. Mainly the one negatively commenting above.. – – – Im not about to be anonymous. My name is Billy Starnes from Meridian MS. My 3 yr old daughter is autistic. I agree 150% with "autistic daddy" about EVERYTHING. I too, let my daughter Jaden do basically anything she wants- within reason. I dont , and do not believe that any other parent out there with an autistic child, LETS & ALLOWS them be physically abusive to themselves or others. As far as tantrums- Most child psychologists will tell you that when your child throws a tantrum, that unless they are in danger of hurting themselves or someone else to simply ignore it, and it will soon pass. You have to remember that these children have LEARNING DISORDERS. If you cannot grasp the concept & meaning of that then obviously YOU have a LEARNING DISORDER as well. In the words of Ignacio Estrada "If children cant learn the way that we teach, then maybe we should teach the way that they learn". Its hard enough to raise a non-autistic child to listen and follow every demand & command because… you said to. Again …..LEARNING DISORDER. I did notice that you made no mention of YOU having an autistic child_ but only that you help in the classroom. YOU are the kind of person that I fear is helping in my daughters class that she attends. If you, yourself had an autistic child, then you would be more understanding & patient with these kids. You do not have, in my opinion, the proper attitude or outlook towards these kids or their best interests and should find another line of work. These children need someone with a lot of patience & understanding. Someone who actually DOES care. Someone like myself, my wife, and Mr. Autistic Daddy. Your opinion on my comment is totally irrelevant to me & I could not care less, but if you do have anything you would like to address outside FB- feel free to email me at 777@inbox.com . —– To Autistic Daddy: You rock bro. You sound like an awesome dad. Keep doing what you do / exactly how you wanna do it. When push comes to shove, WE are ALL our autistic kids have. Some are just around them for a paycheck.
In response to shanell.. I am talking about violent tantrums towards teachers and other students because they are allowed in the home. students should not have to worry about unprovoked physical attacks and teachers should not have to take trips to the hospital for bites.that is the kind of behavior we are dealing with.It is dangerous and not ok.
My son Link who is two almost three was just diagnosed with ASD. I must say he is the most amazing person in my world. And after reading your comment your son sounds so similar to mine. Even with the Disney/Dreamworks movies. "Cars" is his favorite right now. But he does love the original Alice in Wonderland as well! Anyways the reason I'm responding is because I have SO much respect for you! Everyone around me says that I do the same exact things for my son, that I spoil him, buy him too much, etc. But you know what I found the coolest little remote led helicopter for 14 dollars the other day at a Walgreens, (I always check every toy or random isle for something that he might find interest in), and that was the best money I have spent this week! He absolutely loves it and it makes my dad to play with him for hours and hear him laugh! Keep doing what you do for him! He NEEDS you and you are such an amazing person for what you do for him!
Jaz
you sound just like me, My wife says I treat him as if he's the finest silk, I see my son as a reason to live. dramatic huh? I wake up with him at 2 am to watch little einstiens and ya some people say holy crud really? my wife says I feed in to the hitting,screaming and allow him to get away with eting and doing whatever he wants I say heres my 10 list
1)if you feel the need to get up at 2-3 am after only a couple hrs sleep then fine, thats what they make rockstar drinks for. I'm sacraficing my sleep for you!
2)pb&j sounds good to me heck every kid from my generation grew up on it, I try to slide in other things but choose my battles.
3)screaming ya ok it's nerve racking at times but when you can't talk I understand how frustrating that must be.sign as you scream and we're cool.
4)run whenevr wherever I'll clear the path. I bought an obscene amount of land to run wild and not have neighbors gawking.
5)sleep in bed with you? sure lets go I get around 2-3 hrs a day when my wife and daughter get 6-8 I don't complain to much so why is it such a problem with everyone else?
6)pacifyer, no I will not take it from you,your security blanket either. Let's just get some rockstar one ok?
7)hitting? ya I probably should correct him more but, he's three,starting to see he's differant and can't talk!
8)spoiling? I will buy everything to find what you likethat week. Sensory changes from day to day so supplying my kids needs? or spoiling you choose.
9)yes he controls the huge vizio hanging on the wall, my son relates to disney and dreamworks movies and I spend 50-150 a month on them. but I was also that 20 year old running out to buy shrek 1 for myself on release date so lets watch em all. you name it we have it.
10) you can do no wrong. my wife and daughter are starting to resent me and him. I grew up with severe autism and no1 tried to understand me only beat it out but that dosn't work just causes hatred and now I have my son who I can help,whom I understand,whom ya I will alsways protect. did I sacrafise all hopes of success,and acomplishments? I guess that depends on what you want to acomplish,and how success is measured. signing out from one dad to another Jon Jackson from Minnesota
4
I let my boys, do all those things. I'm also the mom who has her rubber boots on too, and is also splashing in the puddles!!!!
Anonymous of December 26, 2012 12:21pm entry
How very audacious of you to criticise a parents parenting choices. You may work with children but these parents are the experts in their field, and their field is their children and they will know what works best for their childrens health and well-being and emotional and social capabilities. We all want our children to progress but we also know they need a different path through life's challenges…
To me it sounds as though you and the teachers you mention wish to control the children..not at all helpful…Hah! just read comment above from Shanell, whom I completely agree with..enough said
As a parent of a child with autism and a teacher of children with autism , I respectfully disagree with the anonymous comment above. I will never place limits on my child or my students. You kind of sound like an ABAer that tries to train the autism out of a child. Am I right? Did I just start an internet fight cause I am not prepared and really mean this to not be offensive. Nervous to hit send now :).
As a person who works with children with severe autism, I must say that when parents let thier child behave however, with no limits, just to avoid a struggle, it makes working with them very difficult. They need to learn socially excepted behavior. They cannot be running the show,throwing tantrums,or behaving aggressively towards others.Your not helping him. It's an up hill battle for the teachers and very frustrating .
i like the ideal of a service dog
great points sounds so like my son matty who is nine too
I know the feeling…my 14 year old son is autistic also and i pick my battles with him as well, like peeing in cups and leaving them in the bathroom….eating aLL NIGHT LONG…we have since put a lock on the fridge…..i just wish my husband whom is not his father would understand, he makes a federal case of everything he does and constantly yells at me for everything and accuses me of letting him do what ever he wants..which is not true, but it makes it hard to deal if find myself covering up everything he does so i dont have to hear his crap anymore!
i so agree with all of the above, I'm a 55 year old name is Judy and I'm raising my great nephew as our son. we have had him since birth and he is severally autistic so we let him do everyone of those things and more. we love him a lot and want him to be better but would not change him for the world.he is four.